Would you be able to give up on your parents for the sake of freedom? Or let me frame it like this, If you had to one day choose between uour mental peace and leaving everyone you're close to at some point, would you be able to that? Hi, I am asking this because people are really intriguing to me and I myself didn't really have parents since I was 10-11 and later on I gained complete independence by the time I was 18-19. I am 24 now, and I can't remember the last time I didn't do something because my folks won't like it. I have so many friends who are worried sick about how their parents will react to sh*t, one of my girl friends ( not girlfriend, see that space there? That's friendzone) used to have a very strict mom even last year when we were in last year of our post graduation degree( Whole friend group around 23-24sh). We always had to plan parties in such a way that she's home before 6:30 pm. She used to make so many excuses to go out with her boyfriend. This girl used to buy stuff and didn't show it to her mom and even used to hide gifts her boyfriend gave from her mom or just used to lie about price. I had another guy friend who was always worried about how him drinking with us will make his parents ashamed or how he wants to do this and that because his elder brother will not like the other way. I mean drinking is a bad thing, but if I'll stop drinking it's because it can kill me, not coz my folks will hate me. I know kids who live a very frustrated life at their homes due to their parents. Maybe, it's biased as I am from an Asian family. I am Indian, but I know that other Asian countries like Japan, Korea, China etc also have strict rules and cultural norms which affect a lot of these things. My current girlfriend also suffers from this, her mom gets violent due her own failing relationship with her husband and she somehow believes that her life was ruined coz she married her husband so she vents all the stress on her daughter. It can go anywhere from beating her to abusing her. Girl was so used to abuse and character assassination that until recently she used to think that it's normal and common in every household ( I am not kidding, she thought being tortured, beaten and harrassed was a normal thing.) I really love her and want to protect her. I have a lot of dreams myself and I encourage her to work harder on her goals and become independent financially so that she can one day leave that toxic house. But even now somehow she's always scared that her family will approve of me or not as we're from different religions, well her religion kind of originates from mine so I guess it won't be that hard but I always feel like we're both adults so what they think shouldn't matter plus they're always harassing her so why even ask them, just become independent and start a new life. There's this love she has for them that feels like Stockholm syndrome to me atleast. Do all people love their families to the point that they'll even give up on love and freedom for it? What would you guys do if your family was abusive and you had an education and career that could easily get you out of the whole mess? Would you go through lack of freedom, abuse, violence and harassment just because you're biologically related to someone? How do you think one should support others going through it and help them get out of it?? I am at a point in life where nothing hurts me really, I feel numb to most things. I just want to travel the world and experience life and fun but people I care about go through so much coz they're too attached. Is this a normal feeling? What're your thoughts on this perspective? What would you guys do if you found yourself in a scenario where you're harrassed and abused by your family?
Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Never been afraid to cut of contact with those that hurt you, regardless of whether or not you share a genetic background.
I was about to overshare. But not really. My parents were mostly easy-going except when I just underperformed to their expectations or did things they felt to be very dangerous. They were optimistic and supportive and were mostly okay when things went wrong. I don't remember any physical abuse.
I just read the first paragraph, and yes I will sacrifice people and relationships for peace of mind any day. I have done it in the past, will continue to do so
I truly believe that for my peace of mind, I have to set boundaries. If that means less contact, so be it. I don’t think we should be “bound” because we are related. Going through this personally now. But it never made sense to me how we have to stick around bc we are related. I have people in my life who aren’t blood related but are more family to me than most. Our intelligence really can get in the way of our happiness. I don’t think other mammals would stay but idk lol
Coming from a fellow Asian, I’ve shared your same problems, helicopter parents who only want what’s best for their “picture perfect” family. Trust me, I ain’t no doctor or lawyer 😂, went and caught a case a couple years back. I was beat and ridiculed growing up, haven’t had a real conversation with my mom in like 10 + years. Called me a loser, a failure, and a waste of space and breath 😂. You use that shit, make it your motivation to prove em wrong. At the end of the day, you do what you gotta do to protect yourself. Its your life, not our life. fuck what anyone thinks of what you do or how you act, it’s your life. Handle that shit. Go enjoy your life how you wanna, without your parents. You’ll definitely be happier! Man you got a good job, go get some roommates, move out.
It's always the insecure ones that want their family to be fashionable. Too much image-fitting and copy-catting going on. I agree, find your own way in life. But while friends can be the same as parents in this way, you can change friends and there are many sets of friends to choose from.
In a snack wrap, just because they are “family” does not give them the right to misuse and abuse. They can get cut off and ignored just as fast as anyone else. Never sacrifice yourself for anyone who wouldn’t even care if you didn’t wake up tomorrow.