It was 10 at night and heavily raining outside. Anna called her mother Samantha. She picked the phone. Samantha (mother ): hello Anna: mamma , when are you coming? Samantha :just half an hour darling Anna: ok mamma bye Samantha : bye beta Anna was a 12 year daughter of Samantha and John. John was out of city then. Anna went to her room,sat on the bed and switched on the TV.suddenly the door bells.She thought her mother came.She ran from her room and open the door.But she was surprised no one was there.She shocked. Anna:who was there??? Who knocked at the door??? She left from there and went to the kitchen. Open the refrigerator and prepared Maggie. She was not hungry but She loves Maggie and eat it anytime. Anna went to her room taking her plate full of Maggie. When she was going to upstairs to her room someone knocks the door.She opened the door but no one was there.Now she was scared.She ran to the room and switched on the light.Put the Maggie on the table.And trying to call her mother. But network was so poor. So she was unable to call her. Anna took her Maggie from the table and started eating. But her mind was not there.She desperately want to know about the person who was at the door.Finished her food and tried to sleep. Suddenly phone rings.She picked it.
You need to work on grammar .-. Also, you're telling the story, not showing. Where's the details? Show us the girl's emotions. Use descriptive words. What the fuck is Maggie? Explain what the fuck Maggie is. Is it a new designer drug?