Hey guys, Today I'm trying a new type of story, straying from the high school similar stories. I've done this one other time, if you recall the story, "The Missing Piece," a murder mystery with grown up adult characters. However, I never finished it. I love writing stories at home in journals and as well on PimD, people say I have a real talent at writing and that motivates me to write more and more. This story is called Dear Diary and you will see why. As a writer, feedback is what i thrive on, now don't get me wrong, I love getting bumps. But, i also need that constructive criticism and feedback, like, what you think of the story. I like to keep my readers entertained and know I'm doing it. If I keep writing and I'm only getting bumped, I don't know wether to continue because you love the story or you're beginning to get bored. This is stuff I need to know! So if you begin reading this story, please, PLEASE leave feedback and any comments. Thank you, -Paige
Dear diary; Date: August 5, 2012 I don't really know what to write about but my doctor told me it would help deal with stress and anxiety. See, here lately my family has been, oh, I don't know, falling apart a little. Nothing extreme, just a few rough patches. Well, I guess I should introduce myself incase anyone ever does read this. Hello, my name is Tasha and no it's not short for Natasha, it's just Tasha.I'm twenty-one and will be attending college here in a few days. I got accepted to UNC- Chapel Hill, a great place I hear to be accepted in next to Duke. I'm attending for medical, in hopes to become a Anesthesiologist. It's a pretty high set goal I set but I like a tough challenge, really proving people I can handle things when they become complicated. I also have a younger sistee and a older brother, my sister is an upcoming senior at Avery high and my brother is an upcoming sophomore at Ohio State. They're good people, unlike me, in high school I was the one mostly sleeping in the back of Civics and Economics, English 4 and Tech Math 2. Seems funny that me, a clasd sleeper is going to college, huh? Well, I learned better if I sat down and done the work instead of someone teaching me. I aced all classes with an A average and sometimes a B here and there. My sister, well, I don't really know, as an older sister I worry about her especially in this generation. I just want her to be safe, boys are trouble in high school and I found out sooner than I planned. If you're reading this, then yes, I have a kid. I was pregnant at sixteen, had my baby girl at seventeen, became a single mom at nineteen. How do I do it alone? Well, I work and my aunt watches over Zada. I devote every last minute to her and would give Zada my last breath if it meant for her to live. Her daddy? Well, he still stays in the picture. We have our own little custody agreement without help from the court. I always promised him that no matter what, I would never go to court just for them to judge which of us who was more worthy of taking care of Zada. Even child support, I've told him time and time again that I don't need two-hundred dollars to help my child. I work, I have my own money, I'm not going to make him be legally forced to pay me to help with Zada. Zada is OURS, not mine nor his. We had the child together, we raise her as a whole just apart from each other. I would never keep him away from his little girl, it would kill him. Why are we apart? Well, he liked to cheat and try to hide it from me. On top of that we argued a lot, I don't want Zada to ever see the two people that love her most fight in front of her, she doesn't need that. Truth is, I still love and care about Isaac, I just hate his ways. We've been a serious couple but on and off, we have been together since middle school, sixth grade to exact. That's what hurts me most, knowing we started out as best friends, liking each other started dating. We had so much together, puctures, laughs, memories and letters. Then over time all that seemed to evaporate to become accusations, fighting, yelling and screaming, crying and then making up. My best friend was simply becoming my enemy and our relationship was becoming toxic. A person can only take so much, ya know? We all that line, that when crossed we tend to break. Of course our official break-up left me heartbroken, it was pretty bad. I swore I would never date again because I knew I wouldn't find the things I loved most about Isaac in somebody else. I knew that the person couldn't make me laugh like Isaac did or even smile like Isaac made me smile. That's what broke me apart, I knew Isaac was going to be the one, we talked marriage so much. Well, I guess this is all for today. I need to get back to cleaning the house. It was a nice chat, diary. -Tasha.
Dear diary; August 7, 2012 Well, I'm moved in finally at my college dorm. I wonder how it will go with my daughter, she's four, she could probably come over sometimes and visit. She's so sweet and adorable, I'm a very proud mother and you would surely see that if you seem my dorm. Picture collections of me and her and some of her with her daddy. What makes me smile most is when I come to pick her up from my aunt, she's at the door looking for me and shouts "MOMMA! Is you!" I love her to death. Isaac still contacts me time to time via text message about where and when to pick up or drop off Zada if he is not home. It hurts that I still want to be with this guy that so badly destroyed me inside but my mind knows I shouldn't be with him. My heart wasn't shattered it was shot at a moment I least expected. I feel truly guilty knowing I'm 50% the reason why Zada can't ever come home from school one day excited that she got an A on her spelling test and call for both mom and dad to look, to have both her parents looking down at her warm smile, her blue eyes with her little dark green speck in her right filled with joy while her parents praised her. I put myself down, calling myself a bad parent, I shouldn't but I still do. I feel like it was 50% mine and 50% Isaac's fault that she won't ever get to know what's it like to call for both parents when she has a nightmare. I almost break apart when I'm tucking her in bed at night and she looks up at me with hopeful eyes asking, "daddy?" I know she loves for him to tuck her in and all I can say is, "I'm sorry, no daddy." I've cried countless times over feeling like I've let her down, that I have to almost lie to her because she doesn't understand the situation with her parents. Well, I guess I should go before I start crying. It was a nice vent to let out all this. -Tasha.
Dear diary; August 10, 2012 Well, class officially starts in two days! TWO! I brought some small things of Zada's up, toys, clothes and her and my favorite Disney movie, Little Mermaid. Or as Zada calls it, "Little Mermay." I've been talking to my dorm mate, her name is Lisa, like short for Alyssa, not the Lisa like Lisa Simpson. Haha, I confused myself. Lisa also has a daughter, she's only two though. I'm sure Zada would love her, her name is Delilah. We've both laughed because our daughters look so much like us with only the small features of their dad. Zada has a little, I don't know what you call it, but like a dent in her chin as if someone poked it too long, her daddy has that. I know I've been venting a lot here about Zada but truth is, she's all I have. My mom was never supportive or very motivational on my choices for college and my dream career choice either. My dad wasn't around much, who would? with that B word he married (HAHA!), I'm sorry, I shouldn't joke like that. But, lately, it seems to fit. Mom has been going to total extremes lately. I mean, she's always been a bit strict but this "new" her, isn't her at all. She bickers with dad over typical small things, telling him what to do, how to do it and when to do it, making snide remarks if he's mentioning a show he likes. Ugh, she's just been so difficult, I'm glad dad stuck around even though he's not home much. I grew up as a daddy's girl and my sister is stuck with mom, I guess favorites were picked with us at young ages. Seeing as mom takes her to the rich part of town to shop for designer brands, Marc Jacobs, Chanel, Louis Vuitton. SHOOT. ME. IN. THE. HEAD. NOW. Sometimes I got the hand-me-downs, let me tell you this. What fucking type of drug are these people on!? Who the fuck puts damn peacock feathers on a dress?! You look like a bird attacked Pablo Picasso. Anyways, most of the clothes I bought came from thrift stores, the mall or my sister. The reason why I didn't get all the designer things was because I tend to cut and style my clothes once I've gotten bored with them. Mother hated that with a passion, all more reason why I did it more. Growing up, I felt like the Cinderella but never got my happy ending or has yet to come. My sister was both of the evil sisters wrapped into one, my mother was evil to me and dad was sort of like the prince, fairy godmother and the father. ( God that sounds weird.) I never understood the high school popularity, I had my own friends, I was in clubs and played sports. I never once thought, "I should wear heels, dresses and skirts everyday and act like a Barbie bitch." What's going to get you in the future? That you acted better than everybody, dressed up like it was church, fought for death over Homecoming or Prom queen? That's not getting you anywhere in life, girls. Maybe that's why I'm afraid of working things out with Isaac, because of how my childhood was with my parents. I mean, I'm grateful they're still together after all this time and I couldn't imagine the pain of seeing my parents separate or divorce at a young age. Isaac loves Zada and does everything to see her, taking time off work, risking his paycheck and gas to meet thirty minutes away every other week. I have to give it to man putting all that mileage on his truck just for his daughter. Maybe he has changed and I just needed to take the time to see it. Why else would he text message me every Monday to make sure what time and is always there before I get there? It's the same distance for us both ways. Well, now I'm confused but my mind feels clear. I'm going to settle into my dorm. -Tasha
I really like this story, I love how you show the struggle between Tasha and Isaac. It's a struggle that's real, everyone knows what it's like to love someone but know it's best to stay apart or to love someone that doesn't love you back. I like that you put her at the right age, 21. She's mature enough to know what's best for her and her daughter but still at that young age she makes mistakes. I'm interested at how this story turns out. Please keep updating.
So you're not confused, my sister is using the account I was originally posting on. Im using the account on my phone. Thanks.
Dear diary; Date: August 20, 2012 Well, it's been a while since I wrote in you, journal. It's been so hectic with school work, but I'm on my way to being an Anesthesiologist! I miss Zada, I thought about letting her stay another week with Isaac so I could get another week for Thanksgiving, I think it'll be nice. If he can give me that extra week then it'll give me time to work on school and have that extra week devoted to her. My minds been a little foggy, now that my heart and head wants Isaac back, common sense has kicked in, saying, "no, remember what happened the last time!" Every night when I'm in bed, I think back to all the memories I've had, all the things I did back then, it's killing me. My head is filled with all this madness, that part of me that wants Isaac back also wants those good days, the good times, but it's craving the bad ones. It's becoming harder to put on my smile and feel happier, the only person that gives me that back is Zada. Even if only it's just my normal week with her, I'm happy and when she leaves it's like a wave of depression. It's just going to be a continuous roller coaster. I wish Isaac could take back the pain of all nine years, go back and fix the lies, stop the cheating and pause the fights. I would give anything to take it back, if it meant the future could get better, because it's getting harder every day in the present. It's just whatever. -Tasha
Updating on my sisters account. Hope you like this! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear diary; Date: August 25, 2012 Well, today I'm going to take Zada to Isaac, though it's still technically my week to still have her, my aunt got called in to work and I can't keep her, I have a project due. To stop Zada from fussing I let her pick out my outfit to wear, I don't know what to think. She picked my short black dress out. Isaac bought it for me to wear to homecoming one year, we never went and I'm not much into dressing up. I thought it was silly she picked it out, to be honest I thought she grabbed it by mistake considering I keep it all the way in the back of my closet. She refused me to wear anything else, what can it hurt? It's just a dress. I'll finish once I return. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm back and either I must've been having a good day or the dress is lucky. Isaac complimented me, we laughed and talked about the day he bought it, it brought tears to my eyes and Isaac comforted me. "It's sad that we're tore apart, I feel bad for Zada," I sobbed to him, we were embracing, my head on his chest and his chin resting on the top of my head. He spoke softly, "she will always have us, Tasha. What happened between us is not nor will it ever be her fault. You just got sick of me and the shit I did to you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for doing you like that, you were so special to me, I was lucky to have you and yet I treated you like shit." I wiped away the tears, smiled at him and our last hug before we went our ways, I whispered, "I'm still not over you." I don't know his reaction, I don't know what's going through his head but I damn sure hope he feels the same. If he comes to me next week not interested in us back together, my heart will shatter again and I'll be back into my depression. God damnit, Tasha! Why, why do I do this?! Isaac is so bad for me. All those years we dated, he broke my heart and then mended it back. I can't let it happen again, I just can't. But, Zada needs her family. She needs both parents to raise her. If it means going back to the past. So help me, I'll live through the cheating. I just want to do good for Zada. -Tasha. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, that's some update, huh?! What do y'all think? Comment below! - Paige.
Lost wifi for a while, sort update because I'm almost over my data. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear diary Date: September 1, 2012 I can't take much more of this, diary. I'm living in hell, things got worse than before. I moved in with Isaac, being able to see Zada has been amazing but Isaac works, when I'm not at school his mother is doing things to me. She won't let me eat, she limits my time I spend with both Zada and Isaac, she's torturing me in front of my own daughter. She locks me in this, this room with no windows, a bed pan and a worn out mattress. I have to get out, I have to find a way and I hope someone finds me. I'm terrified something will happen to me if I don't escape now. I'm losing a rapid amount of weight, my hair is thin, my skin is dirty, I have cuts and bruises all over me. I can't take this hell anymore, I need help! Someone please, please help me. -Tasha.
Dear diary; Date: September 5, 2012 I can't take much more of this, Isaac's mom, Lori locks me up down in the basement when he goes to work. The torture she does to me is horrible, she's calling me a bad mother because Zada doesn't see her enough. That's untrue and Lori knows it! Zada, if you ever read this one day, I want you to know, I love you more than you ever begin to imagine. I'm putting up with the torment because if I refuse I'm scared she'll turn on you. I'm going crazier day by day, she cuts me with a box-cutter after she heats it up with a lighter, she ties me up to the bed and lets the springs cut my back, she doesn't let me eat and she beats on me. Zada has only seen a few times and it's devastated me, it broke my heart to see my little girl standing there as her own grandmother beat on her defenseless mother. She doesn't need to see that, I couldn't do anything to get her out, her standing there crying and screaming for mommy made it so much worse. I try to get Isaac to stay at home with me, even though he wants to stay his boss won't let him. Isaac's work day begins at six in the morning to ten at night, when he comes home he goes straight to Zada and I. He knows something is wrong but I just can't tell him, I'm afraid he won't believe me. I've shown him my arms, back, stomach and legs. He asks what happened and I just shake my head. My body has become too exhausted to eat and Isaac is getting mad, demanding answers. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm losing my mind. All I know is that tomorrow I'm telling Isaac everything, taking Zada and getting the hell out. -Tasha.