Darkness

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *maria-_- (01), Jul 21, 2011.

  1. It's was a cold and stormy night in Dallas, Texas. I was alone. Utterly alone. I struggled to see in the pitch black darkness. I heard a scattering. "Who's there" I uttered as though someone would respond. Nothing. I opened my teal umbrella, and continued walking home. Again, I heard scattering. This time it was closer. "Is anyone there?" I asked in a quacking voice. Still no answer. I decided to ignore it and continue walking. I was about a block away from my house when I heard a piercing shriek.
     
  2. Its the beginning to a story I have in mind tell me what you think
     
  3. Should I go on. I see some lack of details which I will fix
     
  4. Yea seems good I wanna know wat it is
     
  5. "Heeeeeelp!"
    It was a woman's voice. It came from around the corner. I ran towards the woman in hope to find what had just happened. The woman was kneeling down about 6 feet away from where I stood. I saw her arms wrapped around a small kid-shaped figure. I cautiously proceeded towards the lady.
    "What's wrong?" I whispered scared of what her answer might be.
    "It's Danny! He's been shot!" the woman proclaimed.
    "Oh my. Have you called an ambulance?"
    "No not yet. I was crossing the street on my way home from work when I saw a small figure crawling to get on the grass. I sprinted towards the figure praying that it wasn't a small boy."
    I was shocked. "I'll call an ambulance. " I said
    I was searching the horizon for the nearest phone booth. I quickly found one and began to run.
    It was dark and I couldn't see where the coin slot was. I quickly pulled out my flashlight and twenty five cents. I found the slot but my hands were soaking wet and caused me to drop the coin. I searched my purse for another coin when I heard a strange voice behind me.
     
  6. Getting better
     
  7. "Excuse me ma'am I believe you dropped this." whispered a tall white mysterious man, handing me the quarter.
    "Thank you" I said turning around.
    "If you don't mind me asking. Who are you trying to call at this time at night?" he asked
    "I'm trying to call an ambulance... A little boy just got shot." I struggled to say
    "There's no time to waste then. We must get the boy to a hospital quickly!"
    "Thank you." I said "But how will we get to the hospital in time?"
    "Don't worry. I can get him to the nearest hospital in five minutes." he assured me.
    Then he asked. "Where is the boy?"
    By that time I was weeping. "He's. He's. He's over there." I managed to say and pointed a finger towards the east. "Please hurry. I don't think he has much time."
    We began to run in the direction of the young boy. The lady was still kneeling over Danny, but now she seemed to be crying. I couldn't quite tell because there was still rain pouring down.
    "Ma'am, this man just offered to take Danny to the hospital. Please, let him get the boy to the car." I said to the woman.
    The woman quickly stood up and the man picked up Danny and took him to his pale white mustang.
     
  8. Oo don't trust him he will kidnap him!!!
     
  9. I'll do more tomorrow. ):
     
  10. Aww ok well pretty good!
     
  11. Somehow we arrived at the hospital alive. He was speeding. Going 150 mph to get the boy to the hospital. No one noticed when he came to an abrupt stop at the hospital. He quickly ran out of the car, got the boy, and went into the hospital. Leaving the woman and I dazed in the back of the car.
    We both got out of the car and hurried inside the hospital. The man was at a large chesnut colored desk and was telling a lady in her late twenties that the boy had been shot and was in need of intensive care. The lady pushed a button and spoke into a large black microphone. "Attention all doctors. Please report to the front desk."
    The echo of the microphone could be heard for a solid ten seconds after the message.
    Before we knew it tall five doctors flooded the desk.
    "What happened Mrs. Lopez?" asked the tallest of the doctors. He bore a worried expression on his face that made his skin look tan.
    "this young man just brought in a boy. He's been shot in his left arm and is bleeding severely. Apparently this woman and young lady found him on the floor on apple street." Mrs. Lopez explained.
    "All right mrs. Lopez. We'll take it from here" said the doctor with blazing blue eyes, pale skin, and dirty blonde hair.
    "Attention staff. Please bring a stretcher to the front desk. ASAP." Mrs Lopez said into the microphone.

    A long stretcher was quickly brought and Danny was securely laid on it. The doctors rushed him into the ER, and left the man, the lady and I in the waiting room. Anxiously worrying what would happen to Danny.
     
  12. Anxiously waiting about what would happen to Danny*
     
  13. It's great tho how do we know his name
     
  14. It's coming. 
     
  15. "So" I said. "What's your name?" I asked the man.
    "My name is Jake. Jake Lawrence. What's your name?"
    "I'm Lucy. Lucy black" I responded.
    "Well, nice to meet you Lucy." he said
    "Nice to meet you as well" I whispered
    I could see him more clearly in the hospital. He was tall, pale, and had honey colored eyes. His brown hair was flat and limp due to the rain. I hadn't noticed before but he looked around 17 years old. He had a black leather jacket and had dark blue skinny jeans on. He looked kind of handsome.
    He caught me staring at him. I turned away and blushed. He asked me if something was wrong. I replied with a soft no.
    The lady that had found Danny was filling out papers. She said that Danny was an orphan. He lived in the streets doing odd jobs. He was 10 years old. He had jet black hair and green/gray eyes. He was small for his age. And had a strange look in his eyes. She recalled.
    Later that night at around 11 the doctor told us that Danny was in no more danger. With a sigh of relief the lady told Jake and I to go home and relax. She said that she would stay with Danny in case something came up.
    Jake offered to take me home. I replied with a yes and he escorted me to his mustang. He opened the door for me and then closed it.
    On the way to my house Jake asked me how old I was. I replied in a hushed tone. "17".
    "And what school do you go to?"
    "I go to Springview High School." I replied.
    "That's odd I haven't seen you around school" he said
    "Oh. That's because I have all of my classes in the second story" I quickly replied.
    "Well we are here." he stated as we pulled up to my driveway. I quickly looked at the clock and shouted.
    "Oh no it's 11:50 pm. My dad is going to kill me!"
    "No worry I'll go with you and explain to your dad what happened. I'm sure he will understand." he assured me
     
  16. I believe I shall finish this later. I'm too tired to go on.
     
  17. As we walked up to the door I couldn't help but feel nervous at what my father would say. I mean it's 11:50 at night am I'm barely going home with someone I haven't met until today. We stood in front of the crimson red door and we tried to sort out what story we would tell my dad. After a couple minutes of arguing we decided to tell my dad the truth. Jake grabbed the giant, golden, oval shaped knocker and began to bang it against the door. BANG. BANG. BANG. The sound echoed all around us though we were inside a cave. We heard various locks open. The door began to creak as my father opened the door.



    Sorry this one is short. 
     
  18. You start almost every sentence of with "I".