Ohhey guys, I'm NinzSizzle. You probably don't know me, which is why I'm gunna post a poem I wrote, and ask for critique :3 I'm not sure why I'm doing this, it's not for school or anything, but hey, constructive criticism is always good for any written work Anyways, this was a poem I wrote while lying in bed, feeling pretty content with life. I wondered if I could write an emotional, angsty poem even though I've never been through anything of the sort. So here it is. My poem that has nothing to do with me. Cycle When your world is falling apart Towers tumbling, cities crumbling When tears drown out the beat of your heart Black ice melting, dark hail pelting When the self hatred can't be held back Shadows taunting, blank eyes haunting When none notice the emptiness you lack Fingers tightening, smiles widening Your emotions a broil Metal against unforgiving metal The screech that's so loyal Like the scream of a burning kettle You struggle, you fight You sigh, dimming the light You laugh and grin and dance and play Suppressing the fire underneath the facade Because the birds keep singing The trees keep growing The phones keep ringing The rivers keep flowing And you Keep Breathing. © NinzSizzle
Thanks guys :$ Any changes you think I could make? I dunno, the more I read it, the more off it seems.. AND SOPH I LOVE YOUR NOSTRILS <3 wait what?