Fred: Hey honey (walks in door and closes door behind him. He sees his wife and gives her a peck on the cheek) Rosey: Hey honey, (looks through a pair of Cd's and starts to look annoyed) Hey, honey Fred: Yeah (walks to kitchen and looks in fridge) Roseysets pile of Cd's down on coffee table and walks into kitchen ) have you seen my childhood CD? I could have sworn I set it with the other CD's in the CD drawer. Fred: Oh, what does it look like? (Digs head from fridge) Rosey: Silver, plastic, its not that hard to miss, (folds arms) Fred: Describe it more, how could a person know, that it is your childhood CD, Rosey: Uhhh, it says ROSEY'S CHILDHOOD CD right on the fricken cover Fred Fred:Ohhhhh (sucks on bottom lip, closes fridge and leans on sink counter) That CD, Rosey: Yeah ya big walrus, now where the hell is it? Fred: Remember when you told me to clean off the coffee table a couple days ago? (Looks cool but nervous) Rosey: Yeaaaaah, Fred: Well, I cleaned off the WHOLE coffee table, I threw everything away, that was ON the coffee table. And....that included, a small plastic round disk donut shaped figure that had the name ROSEY'S CHILDHOOD CD. Rosey: What?!?!?! (Hits Fred on shoulder hard) Fred: OW! Rosey: I was supposed to take that to my family reunion Friday! Fred: Well, sorry, I didn't know. Rosey: I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT! Remember? Fred: (looks into space for a few seconds then looks at Rosey) No I'm so sorry, Rosey: Remember, it was during the game, I told you not to touch it. Fred: Well, thats where you come into the bad never talk to me when I'm watching the game Rosey: Really? The game is that important to you that you don't go and listen to your wife, (storms out kitchen ) Fred: Hey, by the way, at that time, you never brought me beer during the game, so I'm not really the only one to blame here! ___________________________________ At Bar..... Fred: Hey! James! James: (looks at Fred and turns head) Fred: (turns to friend, Cam) Whatth hell, Cam: What? Fred: James saw me and just turned his head. Cam: So? Fred: (mimicks Cam in a deep voice) So? Thats not cool, what did me and James go from cool, to not cool? Cam: He probably just doesn't feel like talking to anyone. Fred: Oh suuuure, but he's over there surrounded by all those hot chicks! Cam: Okay, aaand? Fred: Well, w-why does he do that? I mean, he would rather talk to a bunch of babes than his friends, Cam: Well, he is a single man and we both are married men, so that means that if he wants to talk to a bunch of babes, nothing can stop him. Fred: But he acts as if he cant do it on the sly.... Cam: What? Fred: You know, on the sly, do it without us knowing. Cam: Why? Fred: Well, it's like he's saying thatwe can't catch chicks because we're off the market, as if we can't get it in, do it on the loooow down. Cam: Okay, one, don't ever say that again, second, we're just a bunch of guys having fun, and we can't go against the guy trying to find "The One" Fred: Oh puke in my mouth then f*** me! (Frowns)
Cam:Look dude it's not a big deal, (chuckles) he'a pretty handsome guy, of course he's gonna attract a couple hot women. Fred: Well, I'm handsome, I can catch one of thos babes over there. Cam: Why would you wanna do that? Your married, key word "married" Fred: Oh shut up Cam, your named after the cameras nick name. (Walks next to James and smiles at girls) Sup girls, (girls look at Fred and walk away) Yeah, that's right, I'll keep in touch. James: Dude, Fred:Yeah? James: What the heck? Me and like 3 of the girls were about to agree to a foursome. Fred: Well, maybe 2 out of those 3 girls agreed to having a threesome....with me James: Really? Fred: Yeah....I- I mean, the blondie and the red head....with the freckles, and the the the ummm..... James: Brunette.... Fred: Right.... James: Dude, your pathetic... (Walks to counter and gestures waiter) Fredwalks behind him) Hey, are you saying what I think your saying? James: I'm not saying anything, just that your pathetic... Fred: Oh, oh I get it....YOU THINK I CAN'T GET A BABE, A SIDE B****, BECAUSE I CAN GET A SIDE B****! ANYTIME I WANT, JUST ASK THE STALKERS IN MY BUSHES, THEY'LL TELL YOU, I GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGGER BABY! (Grinds the air) James: Dude, you look dumb, Fred: Hmmm, thats good, maybe you should ask yo momma because she's part of my stalkers outside in the bushes! James: (stands up frowns) What did you say about my mother? Fred: You heard me, oh, and by the way, tell your mom she needs to get an even bra size, oh and tell her that the muffin top she had on Yesterday, fit perfectly for her deflated saggy body! James: Ok thats it (jacks up Fred and pulls him off the ground) Your dead! Fred: Funny you say that....because yo momma said that to me when I banged her from behind!!!!!!! Jamespunches Fred in the face, Fred falls to the floor) Fred: Ow, you know what? Your mom hits harder than that...
15 minutes later.... Cam: Alright man, your door is this way, Fred: (walks to door step with black eye and busted lip) Yeah, maybe so, but how the hell am i gonna explain my face to my wife? Cam: Well, to be honest, i think that the face is a major step up, (throws a thumbs up) Fred: Are you kidding me? Of anything my face is a major step down, Cam: Don't worry, she won't even notice she'll be to into that soap opera my wife and her are watching. Fred: Are ya sure? Cam: TOTALLY, they LOVE soap operas, all you have to do is rush past them and she won't even dare ask about anything, she'll be to emotional, Fred: Ok, here goes.... (Opens door and sees his wife on the couch painting her nails) Rosey: Hey hone-whoa, what the hell happened to your eye? Fred: Oh....um...I....rrrran into a bear. Rosey:Ran into a bear? How the hell did you run into a bear, we're in New York, Fred: Yes, it was a.....plastic bear. Rosey: Plastic bear? Fred: Yes, he....was....p-plastic, with an open mouth, and...he....was plastic. Rosey: Okaaaaay, where did you run into this "bear" at? Fred: Well it was- Cam: ON TOP OF A HILL Rosey: What? What the hell are you two doing on top of a hill, I thought you said you were going to the bar to get a few drinks. Cam: Well, after we got drinks we drove to the top of a mountain, and.....there was this cardboard Fred: Plastic Cam: Plastic bear, and on it was a warning sign that said BEWARE BEARS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT YOU, so Fred here, tried to kick the bear but fell, and then.....he hit his....eye, on the ground and thats how his eye is all...swollen. Rosey: Well, what happened to his mouth? Fred: Well, Cam:A plastic deer attacked him Fred: (turns around and whispers to Cam) SHUT UP! Cam: (whispers back) Why? She's buying it, Fred: She's not buying a thing, your maoing up these ridiculous lies, Cam: Well if they're so ridiculous then you explain to your wife how you were attacked by a plastic deer, because I'm outta here. (Turns around and walks out house slamming door behind him) Rosey: Fred? Fred: (In a squeaky voice) Yes honey? I mean (deepens voice) Yeah babe? Rosey: Why did Cam just leave without explaining how you got attacked by a plastic deer? Fred:Okay, okay, it was a lie, ok sit down, (sits next to wife as she sits down) I can't lie to you....so, this is qhat happened, I got into a brawl with John Cena. Rosey: And you actually expect me to believe that? Fred: It's true... Ok there I was at my table trying to get a bunch of babes from surrounding me, because you know...I'm just so hot. Roseylets up one of her eyebrows in confusion) Fred: And the, I was all like, Sorry babes, but I have a smoking hot babe at home that can turn it up and flip it out. And then John Cena walked into the bar and everyone started cheering. Except me, because you know I hate John Cena. So John Cena looke at me and said, Hey how did you get all those babes to like you, and I saud no way dude, no way, I can't tell you my secret. Then he got all mad abd hit me so I hit him and boom instant knock out. (Gets up from couch and and walks to kitchen) You better watch out honey, because Johny John Cena was no match for the big man,