Chapter one: Looking For The Right Girl- One Jessie Jacobs was wondering why girls don't like him like he was in high school. But now he is in Collage he has many party's to go to and many girls to look for but he had one look at the new girl Jenna Carl's they bumped into each other on the first day of collage their eyes both met at the same time as she dropped her clothes and some stuff that most guys don't want to see. James helped pickup every thing see had then they talked for hours and after they exchanged numbers they text and they also face look each other (Facelook is a made up website I made up) ---------------------- Thanks tomorrow will be better this is my first love novel. Not much of fan fiction. My name is Miranda BTW. New here. Follow me. Make me your tutor. Message me too thanks
. You have a lot to improve, but I'm not going to bother listing everything since there is way too much. 1) Spelling. College not Collage. 2) You have way too many run-on sentences. 3) You need organization. One huge block of text draws the reader away. Separate into paragraphs. 4) Put periods at the end of each sentence. 5) Use detail. 6) This idea is so cliché and typical. People will get bored of it easily. The best way to improve your writing is by reading others' work. Check out some of these stories on FF: • Spark by -HS_Brooke-Noodle • Hidden Truths by DeTox_Fallen_Angel • The Celebrity and Me by -_A_-PianistKatie • First, Not Last by me.
0.o This is a double post… I commented on the other one and then clicked this one and I was so confused.
But yes, in addition to all that advice… 1.) Add emotion. 2.) Add dialogue. I can't think of any more I just woke up.
Everything seems to have already been mentioned... Looking at your username, you seem to be the same age as me Um... Make your updates longer. A single paragraph with ten things happening at once in it is just confusing! The reader must be able to keep up. As mentioned before, space out your writing and separate them into different paragraphs every time something new happens.