As my eyes wander the dark room, I sweep back my brothers hair and kiss his forehead gently. "It's ok" i whisper, "it's ok" I wander If he heard the fear in my voice or if he noticed that I was ten times as scared as he was. It didn't matter, I had to at least act brave. "right, we need to find a candle don't we ?" I asked. "so just wait here ok ?" He nodded his head. I felt my way into the kitchen, stubbing my toe on the table as I went. The cupboard doors creaked as I opened them. My hand reached in and searched around for a candle or a torch, or anything that would give us light. This was the third time this week that the electric had run out now. I couldn't help but blame dad.He should be paying for the electric. He should be here now. He shouldn't be out getting drunk. My eyes turned to the clock. I couldn't see the time so I took the torch and pointed it towards the hands. A ray of light surrounded the clock. It was 12:30pm ! He should be home any moment ! I ran back to my little brothers bedroom. He was still sat on the bed. Just like I asked him to. "Good boy" I praised him. I took his hand and led him to the closet. We stepped in and closed the doors behind us. We crouched down and hid in the silence and darkness "Alice, will daddy be nasty tonight ?" my little brother asked. "I....I.....I don't know" I wanted to tell him no. I wanted to say that he would come home and be a changed person. But deep down I knew that was never going to happen and I couldn't lie to my brother. "but do you know what ?" I whispered into his ear. He turned to face me and shook his head. "I will never, ever let him hurt you and that's a promise. But you need to help me by staying strong, because he can never hurt you if you never let him " "ok Alice, I promise i'l be strong" he snuggled up to me and closed his eyes. I kissed his forehead again and whispered "happy birthday Sam" This was no way for a five year old to spend his birthday.
I peeked out of the small crack in the closet. Sam was resting on my shoulder as he snored. I wandered what he was dreaming. All I knew was he was a lot happier in his dream than he would of been in real life.I jumped As the front door slammed open. And the footsteps came upstairs. "hey kids,where are you ?" he growled in his deep voice. My hands shook as I clung on to Sam. I wanted him to be awake so I wasn't alone, but I also wanted him to be happy for as long as possible, in his dreams. The closet door swung open and above me was a massive shadow. "hey kids" he called looking down on us. I could smell the beer on his breath. "I got Sam a birthday present" he kneeled down and teared Sam out of my grip and out of his dream. "really ? U got me a present ?" sams eyes lit up with excitement. Dad passed Sam a blanket. Sam hesitantly took it. "Thank you dad" he said. "As for you" dad pointed a long finger at me "how dare you take sam into the closet" Before I knew it I was being pulled out of the closet and into the world around me by my clothes. He pushed me against the wall and grabbed my arm. His face pushed up against mine as he spat abuse and threats. The anger shot up through me and I just wanted to punch him. But I didn't have the guts. I was to terrified.
Beth, wonderful again. Like I've told you multiple times, I've been there too. Sometimes, writing about it helps. Keep up the good work Hun!
That night I lay in bed thinking of all the things i should of said, what I would of said if I were brave enough. I made up a speech in my head and mouthed it over, and over and over. I wanted dad to hear my speech, perhaps then he would realise what a twat he is. Perhaps then he would change. I wasn't just angry at my dad, I was furious at Sam. Why did he get a present and I get a beating ? It wasn't fair. I lifted up my sleeve to reveal the bruise on my arm. I felt it with my fingers. Did I really deserve this ? The tears stung my eyes. "don't cry alice" I told myself. I covered up my bruise with my sleeve. I didn't want to see it. I wanted it too disappear. I wanted dad and Sam to disappear. Suddenly the sadness was overruled by anger. My hand grabbed my arm and squeezed it tight,right where the bruise was. I wanted to hurt something. Even if it was me. Never had the scissors looked so tempting before. I grabbed them and put the blade to my arm. I stuttered as i watched the crimson blood pour out of the cut I had created. It felt good ! But I didn't understand why.