"Matt, can I come over?" A raspy voice inquired on the other end of the line. As if she has been crying for quite a while. "Why?" I questioned her, and mind went off to ponder about what transpired. "I'm just.. I just miss you." She murmured. The words that came out flying died out in a split second, leaving me inaudible on the line. "Hello?" "…And?" I inquired. "I want to come over. Will you let me?" She answered. I ran a hand through my hair and exhaled. "You can't. How many times do I have to tell you?" "But…" She trailed off. "Esther, it's late. We can talk tomorrow. I can't right now." I feigned a yawn. "Plus, it's three in the morning." I replied in a stern tone. The line on the other end went silent. I assumed she was appalled by the tone of my voice. 5 minutes have silently passed by, while I still have the phone pressed against my right ear. I subconsciously gaze at my silhouette, and a thought came rushing into my mind, "Have I always been this massive looking?" I took the long pause as an indication of her surrender and was about to hang up when I heard movements on the other end of the line. *shuffle shuffle* "Matt..." her voice was shrill, almost completely silent. "I'm sorry. I thought my mom was at my door, eavesdropping." I exhaled in despair once more as I am being reminded by the severity of the situation. Its not my place to be fooling around with someone so young, let alone one of my students. My occupation and reputation are on the line. "Goodbye, Esther." I hung up immediately before she could persuade me otherwise. With an exasperated sigh, I pull my packet of cigarettes out of the pocket of my sweatpants and replaced it with my cellphone before stepping out onto the balcony to admire the night sky. A cigarette is placed between my parted puckered lips before I light it and pull in a few breaths of the soothing toxin, letting out puffs of smoke into the inviting darkness. I close my eyes to perceive the situation, but all of the thoughts I detained in my mind collapse as I take another puff, and I let the grey smoke ooze out between my lips. I lean against the wall and shut my eyes for a short while as the cigarette rests firmly between my index and middle finger. The thought of Esther crossing my mind and I open my eyes and change my stance to lean on my forearms as they hold me up against the pillars looking out at my suburban neighbourhood. Why of all people did she have to pick me? What makes me so special? Couldn't she go for someone her own age... And also… Why do I want her back? Is it really worth it to risk my job for her? I mean... she means a lot to me, but I stand to lose so much if this goes bad. I could be imprisoned. This is stupid! Why am I even considering this... I hang my head shamefully at the sudden realisation... I AM considering this. Everything is so convoluted as of now. "Why?" The word echoed in my mind again and again, since the first time we made love. Although, it was unintentional at first, it was a mistake! But I was out of my mind. I shouldn't. I shouldn't have! I bring the cigarette to my lips and take another puff. During the midst of puffing, I choked on the cigarette due to the excessive amount of time I was taking to consume the cigarette. I let out a loud cough, along with a couple more. I immediately ran to pour myself a glass of water. As I was about to take a sip, my hand was brought into a halt midway. *Ring ring ring* It was my cell. The noise coming from it was ear-piercing. I took the phone out of my pocket to see who was calling at this ungodly hour. But at the back of my head, I knew who it was. Then I saw the name of the contact. It read, "Esther." My first instinct was to accept the call, but I just couldn't. I just stood there. I stood as I analyse the bright screen, illuminating the absence of darkness with the little source of light it had that was around me. And the noise. The noise from the phone. I gradually brought my thumb to life and dismissed the call as I gulped down the glass of water. I stood completely still, staring at my phone in the darkness, sort of expecting it to ring again but it just... Didn't. I was too consumed by the whole endeavour to even realise how long I'd been lost to reality in that moment, just standing transfixed with my cell in hand, thinking only of the person I was expecting to call. When I finally snapped out of my trance I placed my phone back into my pocket and laid the half empty glass on the kitchen counter and proceeded back to my balcony but was abruptly interrupted by something else.... A knock on my door. I just stood there for a moment, not wanting to believe in my suspicions as the timid hands knock on my door softly. I dug my hand in my pocket searching for the keys. I finally got a hold of my keys and proceeded to unlock my door. I cautiously opened it midway and adjusted my eyes to the seemingly small figure. And there stands Esther, looking shyly at the ground before looking up at me with a seemingly halfhearted smile. My eyes widened and my lips parted. My mind began to progressively shut down at the sight, I just stared at her in pure disbelief. "Hello, Matt." Her words fluttered out gingerly. She was in a black oversized hoodie, with a white skull embroided on the front. And ripped crimson red skinny jeans with a pair of black boots. It fitted her style perfectly. I think. And then my gaze immediately averted to her eyes. Those sparkling dark mysterious eyes, with an addition of a lock of dark silky hair between the two gorgeous orbs. But it was tinted with a pink hue. Even so, it gave off quite the sexy look. Her gaze traveled from my eyes, to my lips, and back up to my eyes. I realised that her cheeks were tinted with a light shade of pink. I avert my attention away from her, wanting to remain in control of the situation. I can't slip up at all here. I don't want to hurt her but this will never work and she needs to realise that. "What are you doing here? You should leave." The tone of my voice was grim and no longer lenient, but it sounded rather forced and frustrated. "I came to see you. Aren't you happy?" Her shy smile instantly turned into a look of innocent curiousity. I slightly feigned a grimace. "Do you know what time it is? What if your parents woke up and realise you aren't there?" I inquired. "But I couldn't help it… I wanted to see you." She muttered. "Happy…? Why would I be happy?" "Because…" "Because?" Her lips froze. Her gaze traveled to a corner. She tried to form the words but she couldn't. She was lost. I realised I had pushed her quite harshly. We stand in awkward silence for a short while with short bits of thunder roaring in the far distance and small trickles of rain outside. "Crap…." I mumbled in frustration. I rubbed my temple and glanced at her. "I guess I have no choice…" I trailed off and opened the door widely for her to come in. I watch as her face expresses many emotions as she walks through the door. She appears to want to smile but supresses it and steps inside. "Thanks for giving me a chance to explai--" I cut her off in the midst of her sentence, trying not to be too harsh but realising I need to set the boundaries here. "Look, you can sit here until the rain passes but not a moment after. Your parents could wake up at any minute and worry about you." She looks at me with stern interest and nods disappointedly at what I've stated. I dug my hand in my pocket and grabbed my packet of cigarettes, but shooked my head instead and dropped it back in my pocket. As I turn to glance at Esther, I noticed that she hasn't taken off her boots. "Don't forget to take off your boots." I muttered, hoping that she caught what I said. And she notified that she indeed have, with a nod. I silently watch her as she takes her boots off and place them on the rack of shoes. I gingerly pat the space next to me on the couch twice, indicating she can sit. I grab the remote that was on the coffee table and pointed it at my stereo and turned it on. A mellow erratic punk song started filling the room with it's unsteady music. I silently trail my gaze from the little space between the coffee table and my knees to her legs and to her face. That's when I realise she was analysing me, as well. I quickly avert my attention to the stereo that was still playing with song and I wait a while as the lyrics are being sung. "I don't even know how to feel…." "I know I built walls around…" "I'm begging you to knock them down…" "But yours are just as pick as mine…" "Tight defenses and we draw the line…" "If you want to go just go, just go, just go, just go.." "And I'll watch you walk away…" "I'll die if you go…" "Just go, just go just go..." My jaws tightened at the painful lyrics as I listen to it silently. And I could hear guttural noises coming from Esther, while she hangs her head down. "I don't know what else to say…" "I don't want to push you away…" "And I need your help today…" "I can get off the ground today…." The guitar gave it's final strung and it all slowly deceased until there was nothing left to be heard but our breaths. We sat in seemingly amiable silence for what felt like an eternity with the light trickling of rainwater in the distance outside. Having her so close to me yet feeling so far away was enough tension to drive me to the brink of insanity. I found my gaze resting on her thighs and drifting further up against my own will to her plump chest and slightly puckered lips that appeared to inch closer. It was then that I realised she was leaning in to kiss me. My hand drifted smoothly up to sensually caress her warm rosy cheek as she and I leaned closer to one another, the kiss so close but seemingly thousands of miles apart. Her deep nervous breaths filled the room and I found it disturbingly inviting, pushing me closer. My mind was spinning but my body was still. It knew what it wanted and it seemed damn sure it would have it. Our lips met in the most silently passionate collision I've ever experienced in my life. Her warm parted lips against my own. She moved with such uncertainty against me, shyly inching her body closer as our faces mashed together in blissful nirvana. Due to my massive figure, I had to slightly crouch down to fully blend with the rosy kiss, our lips locked, becoming one. That's when I felt something tap from the outside of my lips. It was her tongue. It was begging for an entrance to get through the sweet wet borders that was keeping her tongue inches away from mine. Beyond a doubt, I let her in immediately, opening her mouth and letting our tongues wrestle for dominance. My hand travels slowly down her smaller frame, passing her neck and shoulders, down her sides and once I'm near rubbing her thighs and her hand roams towards my chest and down to my crotch, I realise my error and pull out of the kiss with a soft gasp, realising I'm out of breath and she stares at me with her moist lips parted and curious as to why I'd stopped. My hand is now beside me and she seems to have done the same, realising she may have pushed me too far. A few minutes have passed and it's still pouring as I can hear the violent drips of water and thunder. Esther rests her head on my thigh, quite possibly drifting to sleep, I gaze at the ceiling fan, popping a cigarette in my mouth and gave myself a halfheartedly smile before inhaling. Maybe we'll make this work. ((Excuse for any errors. And thank you for reading!
This is quite nice, though I agree with the proof reading comment. Usually I dislike things that look romance-y but this appeals to me.