This is just how I feel. If you don't agree, don't write a long ass rant about it on my thread telling me it's wrong, wrong, and wrong. This is how I FEEL. An opinion, not a fact. -- Paint the colors of sin onto my skin. Let it seep into my flesh; mix with my blood. My putrid, blackish blood you have tainted with evil. Aren't you happy? I'm what you always dreamed of, your perfect raggedy-ann. I'm the epitome of sin, the reason humanity is slowly dying each passing second. Don't you love me? You created me, afterall. With your absurd delusions of grandeur... Yor silly determined goals of ridding the world of insanity... Your judgment blinding your vision as you follow your poor instincts like a dog blindly follows the scent of meat... The superficiality binding you with its thorny rope... You should be proud. And yet you throw me aside and try to look away. An act of hypocrisy, really. You're scared of me, even as I continue to speak. Am I really that frightening to you? With my ghastly appearance? Don't shun me, dear. Embrace me. Consume the toxic fumes I give out, overindulge in what I have to offer! Accept me... Accept me. I'm on Hell's gate, staring at you from below with my empty eyes. They're black, completely black. My lips are pursed and my face is ashen grey, with the skin peeling back. My hair... My hair... It's gone. Fading away as I talk. The now-papery locks of raven black obscure my face, wrapping its remains over my mouth, forcing me to gag. I'm a demon sent from hell, one that takes form of your every desires... I can offer it to you, you know? With only a small price... Your soul. I can give you money, women, anything you want. Just follow me... Follow me to where fire burns eternally, to where flames will lick at your rotting soul. I'm no priest, darling. The opposite, to be truthful. But even the old crow can't comprehend the things I'm saying. I speak blasphemy, profane things. I plague your minds with my teasing, and what can the priest do, dear? Curse me? Throw holy water at me? What a pitiful attempt to exorcize me. You created me, darlings. Ridding me of my existence isn't that easy. And again I ask, why don't you come with me? Are you afraid? Frightened by the thought even though you surround yourself with evil beyond even Angels' comprehension? You've driven your only hope away with your pathetic whims. How did God's creation go wrong? Ah, yes. After years of fooling itself into believing in a non-existent dream, a dream to 'achieve'. Go any further and you might just stumble across me by yourself. And by that time, my skin would've already been bleached white. Piercing into your soul with bloodshot orbs, pulling you away from insanity and dragging you into the pits of hell. I would give anything to see the look of realization etched onto your face, carved into your flesh as you open your eyes. See me. Look past the golden locks, the blue eyes, the perfect measurements and the seductive aura. Rip it all away... And see. The succubus is gone, and it's not what you expect. Far from it, actually. I want to see you open your mouth to scream, to hear your bloodcurdling cry, and to lavish in the moment when you try to run away as I pull you in. The chance to redeem yourself has been lost, dear. You can only hope, you can only hope to get another chance. God's willing to give, but are you willing to accept? Follow me instead.... Redemption isn't something you really need. Salvation's too far away. You can crawl, crawl and beg for God to give it to you, but naïvely praying without showing any signs of hope or sincerity won't help. You're too stuck on this world, with the many things it offers you to actually leave. The roots pull at your ankles, scratching your skin and drawing beads of blood... But you can't feel it. You've sacrificed so much, hm? Your fellow humans' lives, your moral code, it's amusing, really. Judgment, hatred, prejudice. They're my offsprings I sent to linger around in your world. It's because of me you suffer so much, and yet again, it's because of me you're too blind to see through the cracker surface of your happy kingdom. You have everything you want. Be greedy and ask for more... Ask for more and I shall give. And with that said... Stretch your hands and close your eyes. Succumb to your fantasies. Slip away from it all. The stress, what you think is stress, and everything else. Let me do the work... I'll guide you to what your heart desires the most. Come on. Throw away your sanity and follow me... Step on the door with me and knock, the white wooden door will open, and the flowers will fly away. Inside you'll see hell in its ugliest form... "Welcome to your new home." -- Bleh. Short. I'm going to regret writing this.
C-Chloe-baby! This is tragically amazing. I love how you're able to use vivid adjectives to really express the POV. It's dark in a way that haunts the reader. And it also helps me understand and feel what you're trying to say. As for the intro, you said this is hoe you feel. I don't understand. What do mean, how you feel? I sound like a goshdamn therapist now.
Oh, don't worry. It's nothing personal about my feelings. It's about my view on humanity. My belief is that it's slowly killing itself... And it sickens me. Humanity surrounds itself with a blanket of illusion and comfort, and fills itself with hypocrisy. I've never been more ashamed to be human, but I guess that's just me being pessimistic. ^.^ Yeah. Punch me in the face. ,_, My opinion towards my oneshot is that I feel it's not powerful enough. Thanks for your comments, guys, but how do you feel about this? I personally think I can do better, as it's not one of my bests... It's one of my Top 10s, but.. Meh.
Chloe dear O.O This is so dark and eerie.... I love it. A lot. More than a lot. A ton. More than a ton.
It's much better than I have seen on a long time, I truly gratify it. The way you explain it surrounded me with such thought, I thought about what was really going on in the world, this has great potential. I'm a detail grabber myself, but I can't really prepare what you have in store, I'm not that great of a writer, I just read. So I really enjoyed my stay at this story, and I hope you continue. You have set a newer vision of humanity, which is extraordinary. Good luck on the story.
If you want some hard core critique, then here. :> Make it longer, maybe? And also, try to use more adjectives. I do love the adjectives you're using now, but some nouns shouldn't be left out! And I get how you feel. I don't know what has happened to this world anymore. .-.
I have a whole list of why I hate humanity. Care to share? Because I can walk around the entire globe and still have a long ass list of things I hate about the world. ^.^ PESSIMISTICCHLOEFTNW.
Cut me off And the fact that all anyone cares about now is cutting down trees and building factories AND KILLING EVERYTHING
._. The human society is too big, it's good to have some, but tragically, humans are just controlling everything, it is not fair how they treat animals, etc.
I hate how they test on animals. They say that it's good because no human will get killed, and if they test on humans their first 50 trials or something will kill the human. But it's animal cruelty. If they test on humans, the humans will at least have some say in it. But they're capturing innocent animals and KILLING them for the sake of better makeup. The animals don't want to sacrifice their lives for something they don't give a **** about. But the humans don't care!!!
Web, are you fucking kidding me? I'm not trying to go 'anywhere' this this oneshot. I'm expressing my feelings, like how some authors express theirs using literature. How fucking immature can you get by telling me to go wave a banner? *facegroin* Another example of humanity's downfalls.