So, I went to a museum and was amazed by the amount of victorian artefacts. I talked to a historian about victorian servents. And that is what intruiged me to write this novel. Enjoy! I walked into Mr McIntosh's office and served him his afternoon tea. It constisted of: A cup of tea, some wafers and a slice of victoria sponge. He was always in his office drawing. He's an artist. I scurried along the hall and down the stairs into the servents' kitchen and sat at the small oak table. "Didn't drop it this time? Eh, Cathy?" Said Mrs. Peters, the house keeper. She has been so kind to me since I arrived, like a second mother! "No Mrs. Peters!" I replied, smiling and shaking my head. We nibbled on the rest of the victoria sponge together, then we started preparing dinner for the master. "Roast chicken and potatoes is what he's havin'" She said cheerily. "Is that nice?" I asked. "She aint had any of that Mrs. P! She's only a orphan!" Said Anne, the kitchen maid. Hope you liked it! Will update every day!
UPDATE! "She needs to try a bit!" Said Mrs. Peters as she poked a potato with a fork and thrust it at me. "Go on, try it, won't hurt you!" She exclaimed. I took the fork from her hand and nibbles the potato. My eyes lit up with delight. It was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted! It was crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. Amazing! "Oooh! She likes that Mrs. P!" Said Anne cheerily. "Well of course she does! I made it!" Replied Mrs. Peters. I loved her cooking, I really did! Everything she made tasted lovely. She even taught me how to make syrup, which, by the way, tasted like HEAVEN! I can't wait until tomorrow when she will teach me how to bake a cake!
There's nothing really except for it needs to be longer and you need to put commas when in dialogue like this "What is the matter," she exclaimed And that's it really
ᏌᏢᎠᎪᎢᏋ Sunday I woke up and put on my Sunday best dress and went into the servents' kitchen. I heated the kettle above the fire and started to make tea for me, Mrs. Peters and Anna. It was my first Sunday as a servent and I didn't know what to expect. Will there be a servents only church service or do we share with the public? I sat and thought about it for a while. Suddenly, Mrs. Peters came in and grabbed her mug of tea. "I am so tired," she said slowly. "But, you always get up so early! How can you suddenly feel so tired?" I asked her. "I think I have the influenza," she replied, rubbing her eyes. It was then she decided to not go to church incase she spread her influenza. "But, Mrs. Peters, you have to go to church! It's compulsary!" I said. I slightly raised my voice, but I didn't care. "I'm ill Catherine," she said. She trudged back to her bed chamber in the servents' quaters. I sat there for a few minutes until Anna came in with a bucket of vomit. "This 'ere came outta Mrs. P," she told me "That's what happens when you aint washin' your 'ands before makin' dinner," she said with her ill spoken voice. "Is she really, truely, terribly sick, Anna?" I asked with a worried look on my face. "That's right she is young'un," she replied.
It's a little bit to linear and consecutive for me. Then this and then this happened and then this happened. More sensory details.
Where's this heading? Your updates are too short to interest people. If you don't show where this is going then you set your self up for failure. And I know you practically just started o far it seems like a boring 'memoir' type story. Develop a plot and show key aspects to make it better. Just my opinion,
Where's this heading? Your updates are too short to interest people. If you don't show where this is going then you set your self up for failure. And I know you practically just started, but, so far it seems like a boring 'recount of someones life' type story. Develop a plot and show key aspects to make it better, plus, bigger updates help chew through the filler parts of the story i.e. non . Just my opinion,
Your missing my point. Anyway, a story always hints or gives a subtle inkling as to what might happen, even early on. So if you don't give that hint or inkling your just wasting peoples time with your short, boring updates.
Update A few weeks later, Mrs. Peters died of the influenza. So, I guess we should've seen it coming. She was old, depressed. But, I guess, everybody will miss her in some way, she had a different affect on everybody. To me, she was a mentor, to Anna, somebody to share her feelings with and to Mr. McIntosh, a friend. "I'm sorry to inform you, that Mrs. Peters cannot have a funeral service." said Mr. McIntosh. "But why? Is it because we are servents and therefore should only be treated as mere objects?" I asked. He nodded his head and gestured me to leave his office. So, I went up to the servents' quaters and packed my bag. I didn't have much to pack, I could only pack my paper, ink, pen, bedding and sunday best clothes. I did not want to live in a place like this, I decided that I was to run away, and find my mother. Even if it kills me... Chapter 2 I woke up earlier than usual and got into my sunday bests (even though it's Wesnesday)! This was so that the villagers wouldn't be able to tell that I was a runaway servent. I grabbed my bags, then left through the back, undetetced. I walked out into the village square. It was empty. Nobody was there. I turned around and looked at the house. "Goodbye Anna. God bless you..." I whispered to myself as I started to walk off. I walked round wining track and bridleways, hoping to find the village of Lilley, where my friend Esme now worked. "Oi you, girl! You supposed to be out this early?" Shouted a farmer in his field. I hesitated wondering weather to run or reply. I just nodded my head then carried on walking, without a care in the world.