Prolougue: "Aiden Erendale is about to adopt a orphan." This gossip was heard all around the adoption center. I rubbed my eyes seeing semi-fixed beds and rats squeaking across the corner. "Aiden Erendale... Is abput to adopt a orphan! SQUEEEEEEE!" Lydia said. I bet you, I was wrong it was not rats it was girls screaming and trying to freak out. "Shhh! Im trying to sleep." I said. "Aly! One of us will be a celebrity!" I shouted. "One of us? Or one of them.."I said with a grumpy voice. File #361 Alina Jones. A girl left in a box in the stairs of the center "Thats the last one son." Ashley Erendale said. "Umm... Maybe Alina." Aiden said. "I bet you fell asleep and she is the only one you heard." Ashley said. "Nope." Aiden replied. "Ok who was before Alina." Ashley asked. "Ummm.. Linarika.." Aiden replied. "That is not correct." Ashley said. "Alina... Pls" Aiden said. "Ok." Ashley replied.
"Gather up Brats!" Ms Badgiie said. "RikRik, come forward." She points at me. "Im Aly..." I reply. "God.. so choosy.." She said. "Faster come forward." "Maybe she got into Trouble.." Other girls said. "So RikRik...." She said. "Ahem." I reply. "I mean Aly RikRik... Was the chosen.." Ms Badgiie said. "To go away and be killed by a stampede of wild boars and is thrown to the depths of Pacific ocean." Matilda said. "No.. She is the one adopted by Ashley Erendale." She said. "Wahhhh!" Screams here and there were heard. "Me? Am I dreaming? Pinch me." I replied. I was not really expecting this, Im not really interested but this maybe a good start. "Do you agree to go with them?" She asked. "No.. You should remain silent." Matilda said. "Do you mean you have the right to remain silent?" Mainiee said. "Do you even care? Its nit like ypu learned about law." Matilda said with a feirce look. "Yes, I did not... Sorry." Mainiee said. -:-:-:-:-:- This one of the weird happenings in This Story.
"Yes, Pls.." I said. "Whattt! Alina Erendale!" A pack of girls said. "Its not official you know.." Matilda tried to defend. I walk along the messy room of the caretaker's. It was filled with rats and blankets scattered. "The exit is this way." She led me to a path with a door." -:-:-:-:-:- Choose time! Sorry for short episode..
As alway with these stories, the main character should stay true to themselves. She seems naturally shy and not liking all the attention on herself, but she doesn't seem like an arrogant person. She seems more of the quiet, shy, person who gives more than she wants in return. So to me, don't take it personally, the two options don't really encapture the character, but that's my view.
I walj out of the door with my head bowed down and ignoring the paparazzi. "Im Aid-" He said. "Aiden Erendale,that is." I replied. "Yep, Looks like you subscribe me...." He said. "2 words... No T.V." I replied. "Oh dear! Alina look up and walk straight." Ms Erendale suggested. I stood up straight and tried to be like a soldier infront of his angry general. As I continue walking a gay walk towards me. "Alina, This is Marsiee." Ms. Erendale said. "Oh dear... So Kalerky! Your so pretty.. Ahahaha Darla." She said. "Alina dear, This is your make-up artist." She said. "You totally need a Makeover!" She said. "A make-over?" I asked. "Yes we need to put make-up and make your face drom Gloom to Bling" She said.
I just noticed myself sitting ona comfy little chair, in a decent room. "Just a little bit of lip gloss." She said. "Leap Gross?" I asked. "No, Lip Gloss." She applies some it. "Done!" She said. "Mars! She looks Amayzing!" Ms Erendale said. I cant believe a celebrity actually said that to me all I can hear before were "Gosh, she looks like dirt." and "God, She belongs to the boars." But now I feel confident and pretty. I sit down ona comfy sit in a limousine. "Dear, This is your Limousine. Jeff is your driver." Ms Erendale explained. "Ok, Thanks." I reply. I look around and saw the driver. "Alina, Your kinda cute." He said. "Really? You don't." I reply. He continued until we arrived in a gigantic mansion. "We have arrived. I'll be meating you tomorrow when you will go to school." He said. I continued walking until I walk to the door which was locked. I tried to budge it in but it was useless. I saw the driver trying not to laugh. "You may wish to use the buzzer." He explained. "Duh... Im just trying to check if it is locked comepletely." I said. "Pls Buzz me in." I siad in the buzzer. The door opened and I walked in as my eyes go around in circles. "This place is huge." I said with amazement. I walked through the garden, to the beach-like pool. Unto the big living room. Until I arrived on a glass door with a sign which said: Alina's Bedroom I slide the door open and went inside a room which was filled with Lavender, Yellow colors. "This is the best suprise I can ever get!" I exclaimed.
((Adopting a Lover is Finding a Girl Classmate of Alina and A Loverboy of the school (Option 2 of Alina) :3))
I like the idea. However, there are some spelling/grammar mistakes, so I'd suggest proofreading to catch those. Also dialogue is written like this: "Cookies are delicious," he said. NOT like this: "Cookies are delicious." He said. You might want to review dialogue rules. But overall, you're doing a good job.️ Keep going!
Thanks for your advice Happy your liking it I have a question: If my sentence is like this "May I have a cookie?," I said Should it be like that? or like this "May I have a cookie?" I said
Yep, and if there's an exclamation point it's the same thing — no comma.️ And you're welcome. I'll be reading.