Adolescence

This story is based on a few facts but not entirely. I will not give out which parts are true and which are fiction.
I don't mean to offend anybody but if I do, I apologize.
The following was a narrative written for a literature class.

 

Acceptance is a rare social connection and a true and lasting friendship seems almost impossible. It seems to me, the older I grow the least likely I will ever really figure out who I am. There is so much to put into the equation when trying to solve such complexity. It involves making mistakes, losing friends and even hurting those you care for the most. I never quite liked it. With the complexity of it, the work is almost unbearable. My life is nothing like ones they've described in books. It will never be like those stories ending in a happily ever after. My life is a broken, and winding road that leads through terrifying jungles and up treacherous mountain sides. I stumble and fail more times than I succeed. I break down on the side of the road where I cry until i pick myself up again, just long enough to fall into the arms of a hell I had created all on my own.
While popularity contests seem to roar to life as you enter the s of school, masks fly up to hide the truths that seem buried in all of us. Though I can't say what dwells in the pits if the unfortunate others, I can only think it would be more merciful than the emotions I tried to rid myself of. But these emotions seem to come creeping back like a relentless fog.
Freshman year was easy. I had amazing friends and a boyfriend that seemed almost too perfect to be real. I had been at the bottom of a large hill and as I pushed forward, I could feel the adrenaline rush through me as I grew closer to the top. That year I lost my virginity. That year, I learned what it was like to be rebellious, to break rules and that with happiness came pain. That year I lost the respect and love of the individuals that I need more than anything. That year I lost myself to sex and the rush of adolescence. I lost the truth. My mind wasn't on track, my emotions were askew and the thought of death seemed almost too irresistible. More than several times I looked towards the open window and I could feel the wind lick my skin, urging me to take that last fatal step. But I never had that sort of courage. I had that one person to live for. And as long as I had someone, that was all I needed.
So I made a steady climb ip that hill again. I was ready to reach the ultimate high. And that summer I hope that life would turn around again and I would come back with a fresh mind and mended soul. It was the best summer of my life. I made connections with family I hadn't seen in so long and it seemed a permanent smile was plastered to my face. Though poverty seeped through the pores of the children and the elders begging on the streets, my mind was in a constant state of bliss. This foreign country that I had once called home years earlier was unraveling right before my eyes. The ugly exterior was peeled away to show the true beauty of nature. The people were real, their selfishness and ill thoughts were as clear as their happiness and satisfaction in what little they had. I experienced beauty and so much happiness.
It was ruined in the end. I had seen it coming and I regret not fighting it. The betrayal was what hurt the most. He was my cousin and I loved him. He had become my big brother in two short months, and in one night he had done one of the cruelest act a man could do to a girl. I hated him, but even more, I hated myself.
My downward spiral started just before sophomore year. I had been mended, but I was broken again. I was a dropped vase, and I was Humpty Dumpty. But as I fell apart this thing inside me was emerging. I was careless and reckless and my efforts to be better turned into a destructive emotion that tore me apart faster. When I broke up with my boyfriend I learned what it was like to truly fear a man. But I moved on. I picked at the crowd and found someone else. And when I came to realize i had reached a low with this one, I ended it and pulled away to hide within myself. I hid behind a false smile. When people look at me they see his girl who's loud, and happy with herself. She seems almost arrogant and her confidence has created an ego. But what they are looking at, is not something they are truly seeing. If they truly looked, if they really tried to understand, they would see a broken smile that never seems to reach my eyes. They would hear the doubt in my words and the cautious breaths. They would feel the very pain that I feel. The pain that I inflict on others is a pain that I inflict on myself. My pain and sadness are a mirror image to those around me. I have become in tuned to the emotions and hurt of those around me. Acting as a mime to the sadness, hurt, and pain of the world.
My thoughts are so dark, I can only hope that no one will ever have to enter my labyrinth. My sophomore year is just another thing on my long list of failures. I can't really explain why I am the way I am but I know what I will become. I know not if I will live to be thirty or even twenty, but I know that I am alive right now. What counts are the words I leave behind and the memories I make for others. If I can make even the slightest scratch on the surface of someone's life, I will be satisfied to die at any moment.
During my sophomore year I looked at the world as it really was. This ugly, mortifying creature. It chewed people up and spit them back out. People are cruel, selfish, and they are all liars whether they choose to admit it or not. Their prejudice comments, and racial slurs, gay jokes, and perverted attitudes are just a small portion of the insanity that passes by my eyes every day.
My sophomore year I accepted a god, my God. But as I looked towards the christian community, I saw hypocrites. They damned people for being so different. They seemed as capable of walk ing by a fallen man just as well as any flawed human. They made slight efforts for improvement bug never truly acted on what they preached.
On my search to find myself, halfway down the road I found the truth. And now my search isn't to know who I am, but rather to find my reason for being here.

 

Thanks

 

*halls
*of
*up

Sorry bout those mistakes lol. I was in a hurry when I typed it up.

Thanks but I really don't know what I got. 

 

Thanks! ...I don't usually let anyone read what I write...but this has meaning to it....so I thought I'd share

 

This is why your my best friend.......
And thank ya very much! You can have some cake...I saved you a piece . 

 

I wouldn't know who to go to really. I thought about looking but I've never been good with that kinda stuff

 

Thanks 

 

Lol well that's good. Wow is always good to hear/read