Hi guys! I'm back finally from my temporary hiatus! This is the historical fiction story I've been writing for while now, but I never posted it. I have the second update already. I will post the second update once I've finished with the third, and I'll post the third when I finish the fourth. That way you're not waiting weeks . Please leave feedback on grammatical issues and spelling. The "slang" type words are meant to be like that, because some people talked like that in this specific time frame. I do tend to lack descriptive details, but I feel like the moral of the story is more important than the appearance of places or characters. If you don't understand certain things, I'll do an overview of the time period. Thanks so much! xoxo, Shan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I walk into the garden in my home moving my cane in front of me to feel the presence of anyone in front of me. It's tough not being able to see. My eyes are always open, but the only thing I see is white. I've had a lot of time, here in Giverny, to think about the past couple of years to where I am now. I think I regret what has happened in the past few years. It was a hell of a lot of fun then, but now? I'm just an idiot. I should've listened to mom. If I didn't, maybe I wouldn't have become blind, maybe I wouldn't be living in France, maybe I wouldn't be forced to stay behind these black iron bars, trapped from the rest of society. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Four years ago... "Catch me if ya can, Danny!" I call to my brother. We're playin' on the street near my house and Danny's chasing me as I keep screaming. We're getting all hot and sticky since it's summer time. "You're too good at runnin', Darla. You should join the school's running team," Danny says still trying to keep up with me. "I dunno 'bout that. Coach doesn't really like girls on the team," I say. "He has to letcha if you're good enough!" Danny says tiredly. I'm startin' Year 8 soon and I'm gonna be in Danny's school this year; he's going to Year 10. HONKKKKKKKK. I turn around and there's a monstrous truck stopped in front of us. I get scared and run into the house right to the big, front window. "Mother?" we both look outside our window together watching the big truck drive by our house and stop next door. "Yes, Darla?" she looks at me for a second. "Who do ya think the new neighbors are gonna be?" I ask. "I don't know, sweetheart. It's pretty tough out here, no jobs. Your daddy's lucky to be working at the post office. That's why Mr. and Mrs. Trace moved away. Mr. Trace lost his job at Chrysler," she says. We live in Detroit, Michigan, the huge industrial city. It used to be pretty crowded with all the jobs and stuff, but since everybody started buying Japanese and German stuff, like cars, we're losing business. We're doing okay out here, I guess. We've only got money 'cause when grandaddy passed away during the Vietnam War and my daddy got his inheritance. My momma and I are practically biting our nails wondering who our new neighbors will be and finally, this car drives right up into the driveway of Mr. and Mrs. Trace's old house. It's a blue '60's Mustang, my dream car in fact, blasting Janice Joplin. A really thin, blonde lady with bright red lipstick steps outta the car first. She's smoking a cigarette and wearing a very short skirt. My mother's face gets red like a ripen tomato. The driver comes out also smoking a cigarette, a man with long hair and a rainbow t-shirt. My mother gulps and shakes her head. This can't be good, I thought. After a couple minutes, another car pulls up with the Rolling Stones on the radio. The driver steps out, a tall guy, with short, blonde hair, like the mother and next to him, a boy that looked about my age, with long, brown hair, like his dad. "Well, we obviously see the family division here," my mother mumbles. "Mother! We haven't even met them yet! I'm going over to welcome them. Can I bring over the cookies you made earlier?" I ask. "Alright. Be polite, Darla. If they offer you a drag say no," she says. "Mother! I'm not gonna smoke!" I put the cookies on the glass platter my mom only uses during Christmas time and go to the bathroom to check myself. I take my fingers and untangle the knots in my curly, red hair and walk over next door to ring the doorbell. The tall, skinny, blonde lady stands over me in these very tall heels smoking, as usual. "Hello! I'm Darla Platt, your neighbor, welcome to the neighborhood," I say trying to be polite and holding up the cookies. "Hello dear," she extends her hand, "I'm Gloria. Thank you for these." "Where did ya move from?" I ask. "New York City. It had too much of a bad influence on Andrew as you can see," she quickly looks at her younger son, who I'm guessing is Andrew. "MOM! The name's Drew not Andrew," he calls from the living room. She rolls her eyes, "Boys. What year are ya goin' in, sweetheart?" "I'm going to Year 8. My brother, Danny will be in Year 10." "Oh how grand! Drew is also in Year 8, and Zachary is in Year 10. Excuse my manners, please come in. Christopher! Zachary! Andrew! We have company," she hollers. All three men in the house run quickly right into each other and Gloria shakes her head. "Boys, this is Darla, she lives in the house next door," she introduces me. I look up at all of them and Christopher, Gloria's husband, is shovin' some cookies into his mouth, Drew looks down at the floor, and Zachary smiles at me, brightly. "Hiya, Darla!" Zachary says, "I'm Zach." "Nice to meet you," I smile. His hair is blonde and his skin is a little tan. He towers over his mother and over me, but he's probably the most friendly boy I've met so far. I bet Zach'd be a hit at school with all the girls giggling and acting phony. He'd probably talk to Shelly Stables, she's the prettiest girl in town. "I should get home soon, thanks for havin' me," I say just like momma taught me. "Thank you for these delicious cookies. I'd love to meet your mother one day. Please tell her to drop by," Gloria says smiling. "Sure thing. Bye now." I walk back into my house and tell my mother about them. They're an interesting bunch alright, but I'm not judgin'. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, I'm sorry if I confused you a bit! Keep in mind this is sort of American history so those of you living in other countries, you're probably confused . This story take place in the 1960's in Detroit, Michigan was the heart of automobile companies. Once foreign cars became more popular, American cars, like Chrysler, became less popular. This lead to unemployment, like Darla's neighbor, Mr. Trace. Women also don't have as many rights at this time, which you can maybe infer from Darla not being able to join the running team because of her gender. I think the law that allows women to join sports teams is maybe 1965? I forget . This time is also about people from the "New Left", or the "hippies". These people are rebellious against the status quo and Christopher and Drew represent them. These people will play a huge part in the story. Sorry if I bore you with all these factual things , you could ignore it and just read the story!
Be careful that you don't use the same word/variation too often or too close together, like I or me.
The very first paragraph is filled with I/I've/words of that sort. I'm not sure if that was the effect you were going for, but just telling you so that you might choose to avoid it in the future.
~~~~UPDATE~~~~ Summer is always borin'; it's only fun when Danny doesn't have baseball practice. He plays baseball for the school and wants to be baseball legend, yeah right. As for the new neighbors, they're alright. Gloria's in the capital most of the time protesting for women's rights. She asked my momma to join her, but she made an excuse to not go. My mother is scared to go to things like that. Zach is out in the yard with his dad most'a the time just sitting around and drinking soda pop. Chris is normally smokin' something or doing some sorta breathing exercises, yoga I guess. Drew rides around the neighborhood on his bike for a bit. His long hair always ends up gettin' in the way and he's gotta brush it back. He's come over to play a couple times. My mother thinks he won't be a good influence on me, but I don't care. School starts in about a week, and my momma's been naggin' me about gettin' some new clothes. I hate going to the shopping mall. Shelly Stables and all her friends are ALWAYS there. And that's like every girl in school. I don't got any girlfriends; I think they're all phony and annoying. I don't really talk to boys either, mostly because I'm a girl. I just play by myself during recess and climb my favorite tree in the school yard. That's like my quiet spot; it's the place I go to, to just be alone, which is funny, since I'm usually alone most of the time anyway. "Darla! Let's get going to the shopping mall!" my mother coos. "Momma, you know I hate shoppin'," I call back. "Darla Sadie Platt! Get downstairs this instant!" I stomp down the stairs in my overalls and my black chucks. "That is no way for a lady to dress, miss," she looks at my clothes, "change into your church clothes, Darla." "My church clothes are so girly, mother!" she shoots me a look, "Fine." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We get into our big Chrysler, our family car. When we're getting out of our driveway , Drew and Zach stop us. My mother cranks down the window, "Hiya, Darla! Hiya, Mrs. Platt!" Zach smiles brightly. "Hello Zach," she looks at him, "hello Drew," she looks at Drew. "Where ya off to today? We were just gonna ask Darla to come over!" Zach says. "We're going to the shopping mall. Darla needs new clothes. Want to come along?" my mother asks. "Sure thing!" they say and quickly pile into the car next to me. "Nice skirt, Darla," Drew laughs. "Shut it, Andrew ," I slap him lightly. My mother glares in my direction and mouths "lady-like, Darla" to me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We all walk into Mandee, well, my mother dragged me, to look at clothes. Everything I see makes me want to puke. Drew holds up a pink belly shirt and puts it against his chest. "How would I look in this?" he laughs. "Better than me," I mumble. All the cut up shirts, off shoulders, and platform shoes don't catch my attention. My mother is frantically trying to find me something, but I don't like any of it. She eventually gives up on me and just drags me into a dressing room and forces me to try something on. Drew and Zach wait for me outside the dressing room on the soft, pink chairs. I eye a black dress in my pile and try it on. It's loose and short with large, black polka dots all over. It's way too girly, but I show Drew and Zach for their opinion. I walk out of the dressing room to wear Zach and Drew are sitting and say, "Well, what'd'ya think?" Drew looks up and gets beet red, and Zach looks up and smiles, "It's beautiful," he says. "Thanks," I walk back into the dressing room to continue trying on my clothes. As I'm trying another dress on, red this time, someone walks into the dressing room next to me, with her platform heels clacking against the ground and talking to another girl. "Does this shirt look good on me? I mean, it's a little tight and I'm sorta fat," she said phonily. "No! You look amazing! You're not fat," the girl phonily responds. I walk out of my dressing room wearing the red dress to show Zach and Drew. This one's flowy too, but up to my knees. I avoid eye contact with whoever the girls next to me are, but I stop midway. "Look who it is," I hear a girl's voice that I recognized. "Hmmm. Darla Platt," the other girl laughs. "What's she doin' trying on dresses like that?" the first girl said again. "She should be shoppin' at the boy stores. She acts like one anyway," the other laughs and they both start laughing at me. "Boys won't even be her friend, she has no one," the first girl says trying not to start rollin' on the floor. "Darla? Are you okay? You've been in there for a while now," Zach walks in and smiles at me. The two girls behind me, who are Shelly and Francesca, stop laughing and start gigglin' at Zach like phonies. "I'm okay, Zach, thanks for checking on me," I say more confidently. "You look really nice in this dress too," he compliments. "I like the color, it's really-," I start to say. "Hi! I'm Shelly!" Shelly walks in front of me and gives Zach her famous phony smile. "Oh hi," he says and turns his attention to me, "Darla, we should get going, it's gettin' dark outside." "Okay," I disappear into the dressing room. "What year are you-," I hear Shelly say. "I gotta get going, bye, Shelby," Zach responds. "It's... Shelly..." she responds as he's walking away. This time it's me who's laughing, and as I walk out, she's frownin' like a child who lost their mother in the supermarket. Score= Me: 1, Shelly: 0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It isn't really a cliffhanger, but I wanted to include Shelly. I guess she's the typical queen bee that clings to someone . These parts don't really have anything to do with anything yet, just some background information and stuff to better understand the relationship between Zach and Darla. Don't get bored with me yet . The fourth update is when it'll start. Hopefully, it'll make a little more sense then .
I guess this doesn't interest people . It's okay... I'll just keep posting until someone decides to read it
~~~~UPDATE!~~~~ I wake up to the bright sunlight shinin' in my eye. Today's the first day of high school; I'm a little nervous because there's so many people, but I'll be okay with Drew and Zach with me. I quickly brush my teeth and put on that black polka dot dress I bought. I look at my reflection in the mirror and laugh. You look so phony right now... I finally decide to wear red chucks with the dress, so it's more colorful, and less "Shelly". I brush my curly, red hair into a ponytail and wait for Danny downstairs. "Whoa, Darla," he says when he walks down the stairs. "Danny. Stop," I say as we walk next door to Drew and Zach's house. "Darla! Hiya Danny!" Zach greets. Drew is silent as usual; he doesn't really talk much, but you can tell what he's thinkin' from his expressions. "Hi Zach! Excited for school?" I smile. Drew snorts, "School sucks." "Agreed," Danny jumps in. We sorta branch off into pairs like we normally do. I talk to Zach, and Danny talks with Drew. It's kinda odd since Danny and Zach should be talkin', but I'm not complainin'. "Darla," Zach looks at me, "you should let your hair out. You have beautiful hair." "It's so annoying when it's my face like that. And plus, I don't wanna look like Shelly, I'd get made fun of for tryin'na dress like her!" I respond. "Well, I think you look much better than Shelly," he points his finger at her standin' in her group of friends. She's wearin' the same dress as me... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As I walk into school, people keep lookin' at me. Zach said it's 'cause I'm pretty, but I think it's 'cause I'm wearin' the same dress as Shelly. Me and Zach walk into the gymnasium and separate into our two lines for our school schedule. Since I'm younger, I gotta stand in a different line than Zach. "Look who we have here," a voice I didn't wanna hear. "Why! She's wearin' the same dress as ya, Shell!" laughs another. "She probably saw me tryin' it on at the mall the other day," she sighs, "I guess I always set the trend for everyone to follow." "You're so stylish!" a phony voice coos. I roll my eyes and try hard not to snicker at her princess-like attitude. I stand here and listen to their chatter until Zach walks over to my line after he gets his schedule. This will be interestin'! I thought. "Oooo! Hi Zach!" Shelly giggles. He turns around, "Oh hello." "Remember me! I saw ya last weekend!" she starts squealin'. " I remember you. From the mall right?" Zach recalls. "I'm so glad you remembered!" she twirls a hairspray filled lock of hair and flips it; I start laughin'. "I wouldn't be laughin', Darla," she glares right at me with her bright blue eyes mounted with pink eyeshadow. "Hm! You and Darla seem to match. How funny is it that you picked the same dress as Darla. Didn't you buy your clothes after we bought ours? You were still in the dressin' room when we left, ya know." "I... UHMMM," she blushes. "Anyway, Darla, we have lunch together! Will ya sit with me?" he asks. "Sure thing!" I respond. Shelly leans over and sees his schedule, "I have lunch then too!" "Cool, Sandy, but I'm already sitting with someone," Zach responds. "I'm Shelly, remember? Each table sits six or eight people," she responds. "Yeah, but you have too many friends. Besides, we're eatin' outside on the bench; there's only room for two," he shoots back and turns to face me. I give Zach a smug smile and silently laugh. The first boy that understands my dislike for Princess Shelly. He's the first boy that doesn't like her for her beautiful, brown hair and blue eyes. And... He's the first person ever to be my friend. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So this was sorta a filler; I wanted further explain the strengthening relationship between Zach and Darla. It's partially a romance story in the beginning, but it curves a little into something more in the end. Don't give up on it .
Shan I know what that feels like but you are doing your best and I really like it! And that's rare because I rarely find a good read on here (sorry people, I am picky as fuck when it comes to the stories I like. Although many know what type of story I like) I have read things by PieSexual and Royale. (My two favourite authors) I really enjoy Your story Shan, it's very well written. And even if people aren't reading your story you can always count on me reading it