The Deep Blue

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by MissxoLyss, Apr 28, 2012.

  1. hey I know I'm not well known in pimd, but writing stories is really fun for me and so I thought I would post one here. don't expect perfection, but maybe u will enjoy it anyway. I hope it's about mermaids. here goes
    *ding dong*
    "Camela? Camela! Swim downstairs this instant, Marie is here!"
    I rolled my eyes, my mother was beyond annoying. I ran a seashell encrusted brush through my silky blonde hair and quickly swam downstairs to greet my best friend, Marie. I yanked open the door. Marie immediately squealed hello and hugged me. I was excited to see her too, she was the only one around here who understood me.
    "So Cam, how do you feel about going to the anchor fields today?" Marie exclaimed excitedly.
    "The anchor fields?!" I gasped, "Why would you ever want to go there?"
    "My cousin Sam went there," Marie explained,"He said it was a piece of cake and we are TOTAL wimps if we don't go there at least once."
    "Since when do you care what Sam thinks?" I scoffed.
    Marie yanked me outside, a mysterious smile plastered on her face.
    "Hey! Stop pulling my arm! The anchor fields are beyond dangerous and you know it!" I screamed in anger.
    Marie glared at me and shoved her bony wrist in my face. A familiar bracelet hung on it.
    "You know what this is, Cam. It means we are best friends. Best friends do things for each other. I was ALWAYS there for you, now it's your turn." she snarled at me.
    I rolled my eyes and gave up. I knew if I continued to fight it would cost me my friendship. I reluctantly followed her.
    The anchor fields were unmistakeable. Huge, black anchors were stuck in the sand around us. Bait, tackle, and huge gleaming hooks loomed over us menacingly.
    "So, um, here we are..." gulped Marie nervously as she clutched my arm.
    I sighed. This was so typical of Marie. Always rushing into things without thinking. I shook her off my arm.
    "Yes here we are. Now what did you want to do here Marie? Not so brave now?"
    Marie looked at the sand, ashamed. "I guess I wanted to explore.." she mumbled.
    I sighed, "Well I suppose I can't stay mad at you. We should get out of here though, it's scary."
    Marie nodded and looked down at her hands. She did a double take, then her eyes grew wide.
    "Wait, my bracelet is missing! My friendship bracelet!" screamed Marie.
    I slapped my hand on my forehead. "Oh come on!" I yelled, "I'll check in the sand and rocks over here, and you check over there."
    Marie nodded and got to work. I moved a few rocks and found her bracelet. I then heard a blood curdling scream. "MARIE?!" I screamed, panic rising in me.
    "CAM HELP ME IM HOOKED!!!!" screamed Marie as she tried yanking her fin out of the shiny hook. I quickly swam over but she was already halfway to the surface. The fishermen must have been reeling her in!
    "MARIE!!" I screamed and tears sprang to my eyes as I swam the fastest I ever had in my life to her. I almost reached her, but then she was gone. Gone to the surface. I fell limply to the sand below, clutching the friendship bracelet, in shock. I heard a rustling and whipped my head around just in time to get a glimpse of Marie's cousin Sam, swimming quickly away.
    Oh my, why do you think Sam was there? What will become of Marie? What will Camela do? 
    feedback is appreciated
     
  2. It would be nice if you separate your thoughts from the story. :) But I love it.
     
  3. aww thanks so much I'm happy someone likes it 
     
  4.  my writing style includes tons of detailed descriptions. do u not like it?
     
  5. I like it, it's just very long
     
  6. Ok I updated for you guys
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    I gasped,"SAM?!"
    Sam did not even turn around. I desperately wanted to follow him, but my fins wouldn't let me. I could launch myself onto the boat that was carrying Marie, but I knew the humans would kill me. Who knew if Marie was still alive? I put her friendship bracelet on my wrist, annoyed at my own cowardice, and swam reluctantly home.
    I threw open the door and burst into tears. My mother gasped and immediately swam to hug me.
    "What's wrong Sweetie?" My mother asked.
    I told her the whole story, not leaving out any details.
    "Oh no! That's beyond horrible! I agree that you should not have gone on the boat. Why was Sam there though? He must be upset too if he witnessed what happened. Why don't you swim to his house? You can help each other feel a little better." explained my Mom.
    I nodded and wiped away my tears. Sam lived two houses down from me. I quickly swam to his house and started banging on the door. Sam's Mom opened it, an annoyed look on her face. Her features only hardened when she saw me.
    "Camela? What in blazes do you want?" she snapped.
    I sighed, "I just want to talk to Sam. I don't know if you heard, but Marie got kidnapped by humans this afternoon. Sam witnessed it."
    Sam's Mom cackled cruelly, "Marie got kidnapped?! That stupid, stupid child. Anyway. Sam's not here. He hasn't been home in over a week."
    I gasped, "He hasn't been home?! You don't care to know where he's been?"
    Sam's Mom smirked, "I'm sure whatever he is up to is worthwhile, Sweetie." Then she slammed the door in my face.
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    What has Sam been up to? Is Sam's Mom up to something too? Is Marie still alive? 
     
  7. I bet they planned it!
     
  8. please read this story people! and if u like it plz bump w/ feedback
     
  9. Ok well I updated cuz I really wanna finish this story, even if no ones reading it
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    My jaw dropped open as I stared at the door. What had gotten into Sam's Mom? She was never mean to me! Something weird was definitely going on here...
    Unsure of what to do next, I swam to the hospital where Marie's Mom worked. I was not sure if she heard about what happened yet. The right thing to do would be to tell her. I looked up the floor number for brain surgery and swam up the stairs. I threw open the door to the waiting room and a few patients gave me dirty looks. I whispered, "Sorry!" and slowly shut the door behind me. I swam to the reception desk. The bored looking receptionist gave me a once over.
    "Is your Mom with you, little girl?" She sneered at me.
    "Um no. I'm not a patient. I'm a friend of Dr. Coral's daughter, Marie." I explained.
    She looked genuinely confused. "Well what are you doing here? Are you looking for Marie? She doesn't come to work with her Mom you know.."
    I sighed, "I know. Marie was kidnapped this afternoon. I was with her. I wanted to tell her Mom."
    The receptionist's eyes grew as big as saucers. "NO! Don't tell her now! She has two more brain surgeries to perform today, do you know how distracted she will be if you deliver that news to her? She could mess up and KILL SOMEONE!" she screamed.
    The patients in the waiting room started to stare at her and whisper among themselves. A few decided to leave.
    "Yes yes I see your point. Should I come back later?" I asked.
    "If you'd like, I suppose. Although I can just tell her myself."
    "Ech hem!" an elderly man behind me said.
    "Oh. Um, yes sir?" asked the receptionist.
    "I'm only here to ask Dr. Coral a question, can you see what is holding her?" the old man inquired.
    "Certainly Sir. Hold on one second." the receptionist disappeared in a door.
    She came back shaking, and nearly collapsed.
    "What's wrong with you?" I asked.
    "D-Dr. Coral...s-she's...."
    "What happened?! What happened to Dr. Coral?" I was in a panic now.
    "S-she's....s-s-she's"
    I grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Out with it! Now! Please!?"
    "Dead."
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    Oh my Marie's mom is dead? What do you think happened?!  what will Camela do now?!
     
  10. if I get 3 bumps I'll update. if not, I'll let the thread die. it was fun while it lasted
     
  11. BUMP
    BUMP BUMP
    NAO UPDATE
     
  12. It's really interesting. Bump!
     
  13. alright  thanks guys. update comin soon!
     
  14. I collapsed to the floor. I didn't know Marie's Mom very well. Yet tears overflowed my eyes and ran like streams down my cheeks. I felt so bad for Marie. The receptionist handed me a tissue and helped me up.
    "No use crying over this. Dr. Coral wouldn't want you to cry." She gave me a big hug. Then she went in the corner to call the cops.
    When the cops arrived it was a madhouse. They roped off the area to check what Dr. Coral's cause of death was. I decided to stick around to find out what had happened to her. I heard the cops whispering.
    "Looks like there was a struggle..."
    "Two puncture wounds..."
    Then they emerged to tell us the news.
    "Murder. There is evidence of a struggle, then it appears she was pinned down and injected numerous times with something toxic."
    I gasped in horror. Who would do something like this?
    "Receptionist? Why didn't you hear the struggle? You're going to have to come with us." A cop with a beard said while twirling his handcuffs. They handcuffed her while she protested.
    "Wait! She wouldn't do this!" I screamed in panic.
    "Just protocol, little lady. We suspect foul play, we arrest all those who could have been involved." The cop smiled at me. I scowled at him.
    I quickly swam out of the hospital. Something very strange was going on here and I knew where to go next. They may have got Marie's Mom but no way were they getting her Dad while I was around.
     
  15. I collapsed to the floor. I didn't know Marie's Mom very well. Yet tears overflowed my eyes and ran like streams down my cheeks. I felt so bad for Marie. The receptionist handed me a tissue and helped me up.
    "No use crying over this. Dr. Coral wouldn't want you to cry." She gave me a big hug. Then she went in the corner to call the cops.
    When the cops arrived it was a madhouse. They roped off the area to check what Dr. Coral's cause of death was. I decided to stick around to find out what had happened to her. I heard the cops whispering.
    "Looks like there was a struggle..."
    "Two puncture wounds..."
    Then they emerged to tell us the news.
    "Murder. There is evidence of a struggle, then it appears she was pinned down and injected numerous times with something toxic."
    I gasped in horror. Who would do something like this?
    "Receptionist? Why didn't you hear the struggle? You're going to have to come with us." A cop with a beard said while twirling his handcuffs. They handcuffed her while she protested.
    "Wait! She wouldn't do this!" I screamed in panic.
    "Just protocol, little lady. We suspect foul play, we arrest all those who could have been involved." The cop smiled at me. I scowled at him.
    I quickly swam out of the hospital. Something very strange was going on here and I knew where to go next. They may have got Marie's Mom but no way were they getting her Dad while I was around.