This story will be short like 10 updates and I will start my first update soon (10mins) please no haters because frankly it won't effect me but i live criticism so enjoy
Dad goes away a lot, he goes to newyork at least twice a week. Mam says he works as a door to door sales man but I'm not so certain... Sometimes when I'm lying in bed, I can hear mam crying and dad getting really angry. I hear sentences like "love them more" and "can't wait to get home" coming from dads mouth. His voice is raspy and tired yet he pushes on like a pit bull taunting mam with his devilish words. It hurts me to think what he does and says to her when I hear her screams and loud banging coming from below. I don't dare think of the hurt in her eyes when it happens. Some times I hear his heavy foot steps pounding into my room. I pretend to be asleep, I can feel his hand on my body as he strokes me and his alcoholic breath against my gentle skin. I don't dare open my eyes. It's the same thing, he always does that when he gets home from new York. The next morning, mams body is bruised, dads head is hurting and my mind in traumatised. What happens in new York that makes him like this? Normally he is so kind and gentle.
I wake up the next day to the smell of crispy bacon and fresh bread. I roam into the kitchen to find dad cooking breakfast, he hands me a plate of succulent bacon and soft egg. His mood has changed, he is happy and caring now. Later that day he tells me he doesn't have to move to new York. Mam seems happy although behind the mask there is a jealous fire burning. The next day our new neighbours move in, I walked down the street and noticed there son. He was tall and muscular, he had piercing green eyes and soft, shiny hair. I began to speed up as he walked up behind me, I was on my way to school, my sandy blonde hair fell to my hips and my blue eyes glistened as I heard his foot steps behind me. "hey" he said "my names jacob I'm joining your school, can I walk with you?" "yeah" I smiled "I'm katie" I looked at him, there was something about him that reminded me of someone but I couldn't put my finger on who it was...
The dad like has another family and the new ppl are his family so she ends up falling for her half brother
We reached the school gates, I walked over to my friends and he wondered off to find the football coach. "who's that?" jem said "he lives on my street" I replied "he's cute"remarked Lisa as she winked at him. We all laughed and I began to wonder about how he looked so similar to someone but I couldn't figure it out. That evening on my way home I noticed a man in jacobs window, I hadn't seen his dad yet so I rudely peered in. His mam was kissing a man, he had brown hair like jacobs hair and remarkably similar hair to my dad although I didn't think anything of it as I began to walk home. I opened the door and heard... Silence. Dad was out "at work" but mam wouldn't greeted me by now. I went and slouched on the sofa as I dialled her number. I heard her ring tone in the distance of the room. I searched all about but I couldn't find it, the noise was coming from in the Walls...
Great job! If you want criticism, I'll give you some. Remember to capitalize the start of each dialogue, and have punctuation after all dialogue. Otherwise, it's great!