POETRY

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by *nmc6779 (01), Jul 23, 2012.

  1. Hi there ladies and gents!!
    So I wanted to post some poems I wrote and see what you guys thought! I'll also be posting short stories in the fanfic section I just need to find out themes, characters, etc.. So here's the first poem I'll post. I wrote it when I was younger (very young) but I thought it was cute. Please be kind but also be a critic! So criticize me in the nicest way possible lol! Ok here ya go it's called Him

    His quirky little smirk,
    The way he wrinkles his nose,
    When he acts out a particular quirk,
    My love for him grows.
    The way he giggles is quite cute.
    When he teases me about the lakers.
    We both play basketball; yeah he can shoot.
    My affection for him is measured in acres.
    He doesn't feel the same.
    And I doubt he ever will.
    It's a dream to high to for me to aim
    A love that'll make me ill.
    I'm in trouble as you can see.
    Struck by Cupid; oh he's so smart!
    To be honest only he holds the key,
    To a little thing called my heart.
    I doubt he'll ever open it,
    For I am me
    But I shouldn't have a fit.
    Maybe one day he'll see differently.

    I hope you guys like it it's kinda old and cheesy I wrote this a few years ago and touched it up a bit please positive and constructive criticism only thanks xx
     
  2. It's pretty good, but why make a new thread?
     
  3. Remember what I said. Don't post poems unless you are willing to maybe get your feelings hurt.

    You said it was fine.
    So, don't ask people to be kind.

    another Hermes poem
     
  4. Lol its obvious Dan ,

    Looks god 
     
  5. Because the old one got off topic, nice..
     
  6. Don't know just wanted to post another one to see if people would post there own works

    And yes I know I'm ready for it I put it there to lighten up people!
     
  7. And for anyone wondering (though i'm pretty sure you guys should know) the lakers are a basketball team :)
     
  8. Alright.. I'll make one right now if you want me to
     
  9. Really! I thought they were a type of soup!
    \(^_^)/ it all makes sense!
     
  10. I'd like it if you would! 
     
  11. I have a chicken.
    His name is Frank.
    Potatoes


    \(^_^)/ Hermes poems are awesome! This deserves the Hermes stamp!

    Ꮋཇའཀཇཧ
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    @Ꭲ_Ꮇ
    
     
  12. I made a corresponding poem to Hermes' ;)
     
  13. Lol it's In the old thread. It is still going lol
     
  14. What shines on the Day
    And lives on behind the bay
    What brings light to our house
    What scares away the mouse
    What can we say
    It's the sun
    It's the only way to cook a bun
     
  15. It brought tears to my eye Osun!
     
  16. 
     
  17. That actually wasn't too bad.

    I thought it was going to be stupid.

    Nice work.
     
  18. A love so cold
    You left me when your soul was sold
    I tried to be bold,
    Wanted to be your mold
    but you pushed me away to decay alone
    But I left that day, and I'm up again
    Old friend, old lover, never wanted another
    Now I'm a loner
    I'll fly by myself with no help
    Face the worlds whelps
    Back to The end and the shep
    The history is a mystery that I kept
    Put it in a bottle and let it fade into the depths
    I will no longer be known as the one who wept
    Because you, my love, I have left
     
  19. Ryan that was just amazing 