well, hello fan fiction kids.. Feel a little rude for never even checking this section until the recent changes to forums, which saw FF threads on active topics.. But I did read a few pieces, and felt kinda inspired to try.. Bear with me, as it's been a loooong time since I've written from the heart.. Here's to a first attempt ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< You drive past an old apartment building, and see a little balcony garden, potted seedlings growing in the sun.. A tattered beach towel waves softly from the back of a faded deck chair, old, unworn shoes inhabit a corner.. You wonder if the people tending those tiny flowers, that once wore those shoes, are happy.. You see in your mind the people that built that old complex, generations before; see them, dirt-caked and sweat sodden, smiling at their accomplishment.. You wonder if they're still alive today.. You see them at 78, in their living room, brown suede armchair, crocheted doilies on the headrest, that hand knitted polyester blanket with the multi-coloured squares, just waiting to be a lap rug.. You feel the unspoken disappointment of a life half lived, the risks untaken, words unspoken.. Then, just like that, you're struck with the deepest sorrow, the most heart wrenching despair, thinking you may never smile again.. Will you be that 78 year old, left with regrets for the things you did, or didn't, do? Are all the events of your life leading to a moment of realisation that it's over, it's gone, it's done.. A moment brought on by the silence of your home, a moment you stop and suddenly see the photograph of yourself in your youth, like seeing yourself for the first time in a long time.. Really seeing.. A moment of despair.. You wonder if, 50 years from now, someone will drive past your home, see the garden you so lovingly tend to, see that hand knitted lap rug drying on the clothesline, those scuffed and holey shoes, and wonder if YOU had lived a happy life.. But before you can answer, you turn a corner, and that old apartment building disappears from view.. ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< common feeling for me, to be honest.. Critique away
I enjoyed reading it, not really good at saying why I enjoy stuff but it was interesting to say the least
I know right?! God forbid someone actually show interest in a creative outlet other than small minded gossip and backstabbing, huh?
I liked the idea. And the fact that you used second person was unique bc the use of 2nd person is very rare in writing. There's only a few grammatical mistakes, but multiple incorrect punctuation and capitalization errors. This is a great writing level to being with, but add more sensory detail will improve your writing tenfold!
I like this! I would suggest to not end every sentence with an ellipsis, because although they're nice in moderation, they can make a story sound sort of choppy if there are too many. Are you going to update it or is it just a one-shot?
thank you ladies.. The ellipsis is, unfortunately, a terrible habit of mine ? and the choppiness and half formed descriptions are intentional. These are thoughts that are supposed to flash from one to the next in a timeframe of around 20 seconds. But thank you both for the feedback
My biggest problem with this is If forumers begin writing here ATA might consider keeping ff in active topics. But whatever floats your boat
Good job. Keep working at it. You'll only improve because you're will to accept advise. Glad there was polite advise and not just ppl being jerks