I am really bored so I'm gonna start a story x please don't be mean although I love constructive criticism. If u want to be added to the story just say... Ok here I go
Jodie! yay, a story from you, I'm gonna love it! Plus, I might want a chat to the story, if that's ok with you.
I woke up... the warm glow of the sun creeped through my curtains and hit my rosy cheeks as I stretched and place my feet on the oak flooring of my bedroom. I stood up and strolled to my wardrobe were I got out some denim shorts and a tank top then I got changed and proceeded down my twirling marble stair case that lead to kitchen. The butler fetched me and bowl and some cereal looking dapper as usual he smiled and said, "good morning miss sara, what may i be of services on this fine morning" I hated being waited on so I excused him and decided to sort my morning out myself. I went back to my room and brushed my hair, it sat on my shoulders in light brown waves like a flowing chocolate river then I went to the grand pine door and left for school. The sun was still shining as it hit me like a hard punch.
as I walked down the cobbled paths to school I met Chloe my best friend... We gossiped for a while the walked up to the large iron gates which presented my school. We entered and merrily crossed the court yard which lay before my school. I opened the big glass door and walked into school, Chloe skipped over to her boy friend Josh so I started to head to my lesson. I walked down the thin dark corridors plastered in chewing gum and graffiti, I waited outside history when Michael Moore came past and smiled at me... I felt my heart pound as he walked past but then I was interrupted by the sharp sound of the bell deafening my ears. Miss ersten stomped up to the door... She was little and stubby with a stern look on her wrinkled face... "hello Sara" She passed me a sheet and I sat down... My other friend Laura came and sat next to me, miss ersten rattled on as I day dreamed about michael. "Sara!" I jumped out of my dream to see miss ersten glaring down at me with her small piercing eyes... "y...yes miss" I replied softly "day dreaming? DETENTION!" she belted "oh great" I thought...
The school day ended so I headed to mr longlys room for detention... As I stepped into the dreary dull room a pungent odour came from the front desk, George whiley lay there asleep with drool dripping from his mouth... I backed away disgusted when I backed into... Micheal! "oh ... Sorry" I stuttered "it's ok beautiful"he whispered in my ear. I tried to stop blushing but I couldn't! "why are u blushing?"he said charmingly "em... It's... It's hot!yeh really hot" I said trying to act cool "ok" he replied then he strolled away to his desk I went to mine and sat there for an hour on my phone with no teacher around detention was ok but it was when I arrived home which was the big horror...
I really like it but you should try to add a bit of action in the beginning, to keep people reading and interested not trying to dampen your spirits either!! (it sometimes makes me feel like my work is horrible, but yours is awesome!) just for future notice Soorry, this is pretty long BUMP