"Good morning, Janet," said Mother. She was baking a cake for our friend's funeral. It was a Victoria sponge, and reminded me of the one she made for Queen Victoria's Golden Jubilee! Except, that was a happy time, this is a sad time. Jonathan Waters was a lovely man, very tall, strong, and extremely good looking! He was great with kids because him and his wife had a knack for fostering foundlings. His wife was taken ill when she was informed of his death, and she hasn't been able to walk or talk since. But, it's alright because her son, Daniel and her daughter, Harriet have been taken very good care of her. "Morning, Mother," I replied, and I grabbed my basket and hobbled out of the door on my recovering twisted ankle. It was a long walk from the village to the town, and I need to get some material to darn Father's socks with. He had been helping Daniel on the farm and got terrible holes in them! I also needed to make Harriet a new night dress, as she has given hers to Susan, her Mother. I didn't like how people had been calling Susan a simpleton. She wasn't simple. She was merely devastated by her husband's tragic death! They say he was walking along the farm and just dropped dead. How awful it must have been for her back then! I reached the town and walked towards the crowded stalls, eager to get to the materials. I need a white silk and lace, and some white cotton for Father's socks. I had only a shilling, so I had to make do and only get small lengths for now. I approached the stall and picked out exactly what I needed, and I still had half of my money left! I decided that I would also buy a steak pie to keep me going till lunch, as I would be busy all morning helping Harriet with Susan. The journey back to the village seemed an awful lot longer, and my boots were beginning to rub and hurt my swollen ankle. I sat down on the grass with my basket on my lap, and then I relieved myself in the bushes. My ankle was much worse by this time, and was beginning to swell all over again. I knew I had a long day ahead of me, I just wanted it to be over now!
When I arrived back in the village, I went straight to the butchers and bought a whole lump of chicken breast for Harriet, Daniel and Susan. They had only been having plain food and I wanted to give them a treat! I brought it round to their cottage and set to work at Harriet's night dress, sewing the lacy hem carefully. I embroidered an 'H' in between the breasts and on the inside I wrote: 'To Hatty, you've been a dear to Susie! Take this as a gift! Love, Janet'. I thought she might like it seem like her own, and not just another night dress. It looked beautiful, and by the time dinner came, I had nearly finished it. I just had to do the collar and the sleeves! Oh, how she would love it!
We sat down at the small table and Harriet served some chicken stew (made from the chicken I bought her!). She told me stories of her childhood, and the things she got up to on the farm. "Wow! You didn't hurt yourself did you?!" I asked her, genuinely concerned. "What can I say, Janet? It was a high fence," she told me. We chatted for a rather long time, going upstairs to check on Susie every half an hour or so. We had such a good time, we really did! But, I couldn't help feeling sorry for poor old Hatty. She was only fifteen, and had to care for her brother and her Mother. She wasn't even of a proper build, she was a stick of a girl! "Hatty, do you ever wonder what your life had been like if you stayed working as a maid for Mr. Forbes?" I asked her. "Yes, I do. I met a lad there, Robert his name was. He was so sweet, he did the paper rounds. He even asked me to be his sweetheart," she replied. "Wow, a girl of your age having a sweetheart? Fancy that,"
Well Done. Tips; •Try to use paragraphs. •If you are going to base a story line on the past then do some research on that time instead of making some stuff up. •Also if it is based back in the past try to use the language they used to speak instead of making the characters speaking modern day language. • Instead of using full stops all the time try to use comma's instead. Hope this help.
I did use paragraphs, you just can't notice because the last word in each paragraph is near the edge of the screen. And I don't like really separating the paragraphs, like this: blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah. blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah. I do it like this: blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah. blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah.
It would make it a bit easier to use if you tried useing gaps though. :3 I think the way it looks may put people off.