well....where to start it was a month before we go to Florida for a week for vacation, and there was a one in a million chance her having it but she was that one in a million, mom got breast cancer. this was a year after my grandpa had battled luceimia(not sure how to spell that) cancer for a year and lost soon after my mom got breast cancer please tell me if you I should tell the rest or just stop!
she went through the chemo therapy for a year and they cut off the tumor and she lost all her hair(as all patients do) she just bought a blonde wig, but after a year her hair finally grew back, it was short but it's now about 2-3 inches long but it came back a light brown and the woman who, and I quote "I'll never color my hair, its pointless" caved and dyed her hair a lighter blonde, but it didn't help that much it pretty much just made it a little lighter and kinda sparkly so the woman who claimed she'd never dye her hair, dyed it three times before she was even lightly satisfied, but I'm trailing off!, that's not the point. anyways, October off 2010 I was watching raising hope (in secret) when I heard mom (who was better now yell "there's a fire in the barn lot" well me living on a farm all my life I'd saw a LOT of fires and didn't think to go look until I heard my entire family running down the stairs and run outside, I immediately felt worried and got up to walk outside and said "well I better go see how bad it is" sarcastically......(which I regret saying)......I walked outside and saw our huge barn completely engulfed in flames and it had 169 square bails and 258 round bails, and we werent your rich farmers, it took all summer with the entire families help to get the bails and all the bails were roasted in the flames, it took 7 fire districts to get here and they still only got it died down, the bails still smoldered all night, and when we first saw the fire it was 9:30pm and you an imagine how long it took to get it under control..we live out in the country like 30 miles from town, so it took the fire department awhile to get here, and with all the hay in the fire you couldn't get within 35 feet of the barn without literally getting burned....we had three other barns close to that one that didn't catch fire (which we're thankful for) and my brother had just bought a 7,000$ horse that we cleaned out the end stalk so he could put him in it but he had took him to get shoes(the horse) and he wanted to wait until morning to take him....but he finally decided to take him....and now that horse is still alive
after I'd gotten my first iPod and mom connected it to Internet and is had it alone in my room to my use. It was only a matter of time before I'd started playing games online and talking to strangers and eventually I even Skyped strangers. Well after skyping random ppl for awhile. I'd let my guard down and I wasn't as careful and I forgot to sign out of Skype on the computer ad mom found it and saw all the convorsations between me and the strangers. She got really mad and lost it told me she so ashamed in me and that if I thought life was bad than I was mistaken and dad threatened to beat me multiple times, mom made me feel so bad (the chats were innocent) that I lost it. I walked downstairs (cause she was gone) walked in the kitchen got in the medicine cabinet got a bottle of pills, walked back up to my room, closed the door and started taking them 1 by 1 before I knew it I'd taken around 30 and my stomach was killing me, I ran to the bathroom and tried to throw it up.
I'd waited too long and the pills became toxic and I was rushed to the hospital. I was there from 12:00am-5:00am then I was taken to a different hospital, a better one. Where I stayed for three days. At first I was on an IV but I was allowed to eat food as soon as I was hydrated again. They brought in two ppl who were psychologist's and asked me a bunch of fudged up questions that I just kept wanting to answer "bite me" to. Finally they got up to leave and all that went through my head was "amen". Later my older sister showed up, and all she did was talk about how she went clubbing and her ex bf was all up in her grill saying how she was looking hot and how he wanted her back. Blah. Blah. Blah. I didn't care. My stomach hurt, my head hurt, my arm hurt and my legs hurt. I just wanted to close my eyes forever I didnt move and I had absolutely NO PRIVACY to do anything from sit up, to go pee. But all I wanted to was just have a minute of privacy to enjoy the silence and be alone. I'd actually thought of 'forever alone' I just wanted everyone to just go poof and disappear for a really long time. There was a big window about 4 foot from my window (there was no possible way to open it) and all I wanted to do was just fall out of it and just continue to fall for eternity or just fall in really slow motion.
After 3 days we had got all the papers filled out and we could leave. The people who thought thought they could "protect me" were idiots and told mom to lock the medicine cabinet, but she didn't. As soon as we were home I went up to take a bath, I was in there 5 minutes before I heard my sister knocking on the door to make sure I was ok and wasn't trying anything, but it just made me mad because she was the one that was literally laughing her butt off when she saw me puking my guys out over the toilet, but that doesn't matter. The next day I was still sick and spent not of my time in bed ignoring mom and dad, I was actually like that for a quite a few days, I wouldn't eat or drink anything (mostly didn't want to). I finally started to eat again and I stole my iPod out of moms room when she wasn't home. And my sister unlocked the Internet for about 10 minutes but monitored what I did, so I just went to messaging and copied and pasted a big long messaged I had wrote in notes a few days ago, she wasnt suspicious because I had ppl under fake names in my contacts, Only two tho. She did ask me who one was, one named "izzy" I just said she was a girl from church, apparently with attitude because her reply was "okayy, geezz, no need to bite off my head". after the ten minutes she made me forget the network. She started to do that everyday and soon enough, my cousin found out and called me on video chat on Skype, she acted like it was such a big deal, or that it was her fault, but all she could say was "are you ok?" I told her I was never "ok" but I just tried to seem "ok". After that day it seemed she was more depressed, more "suicidal" she started making depressing status' about how life wasn't the same anymore and how she couldn't handle it and how she just wanted to kill herself.