Gang Love _______________ By:Aziza2 ___________ Chapter 1 ____________ I walk down the hall not knowing anyone or where I'm supposed to be in right now. I'm new to this High School and don't know where I'm going. Everyone is in a rush getting to their classes. A girl then approaches me. "Hi, I'm Ashley. You must be new. What's your name?" She asks. "My name is Karina." I say. "Well Karina, do you need any help?" She asks. "Yea, I need to get to room 112." I reply. "Follow me I'm going to that class too." She says. I follow Ashley and by the time we get there we're late. Luckily it was the first day of school today so we didn't get in trouble. After getting through the first day at my new school I go outside and see a girl bullying another girl. I couldn't go through that girl's yelling. She was in pain and no one helped her. So I went in myself and pushed the bully. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?! Who are you anyway!" The bully says. "I'm Karina I'm new here and you shouldn't bully anyone." I said to her. For a moment all you her was the other student's whispers. "You don't tell me what to do. As a matter of fact I should beat you up!" She said and came straight at me. I dodged her jump attack and she fell to the ground. Everyone started to laugh. I even shared a giggle with them. The girl revealed a pocket knife and came straight forward me again. She must be part of a gang I thought. She swung at me but missed. It was time for me to take her down. I kicked her leg making her fall to the ground. She dropped her knife so I picked it up and took it for myself. I punched her in the stomach and almost broke her arm when I twisted it. Everyone started to cheer my name. Then a boy came over to me and he was pretty cute. "Nice moves out there Karina. Hi I'm Brennan." He said. He made me fall in love already. ________________________________ Hope you liked the first Chapter!
Um....well i have to say...everything is good but....i dont think i like the sotry much...but everything is good written!
Chapter 2 I loved his voice. It was deep,nice and loving. He was wearing a white v-neck and black jeans. I put away the pocket knife in my pocket. "Hi Brennan, and Thanks." I said. "I'd like to get to know you better Karina, there's a party tomorrow night at my place want to come with me?" He asked. "Um sure I guess I have nothing else to do anyway since I'm new." I said. "Great just give me your number and I'll pick you up at seven." He said. We take pictures of each other on our phones and type in our numbers. We talk for awhile getting to know each other better when the bully walks over to us. "Listen Karina! You don't just walk in a High School that you've never been in and go beating up the bully! Just wait until I get my gang on you! " She says and runs away. "Sorry about that Karina. That's Nicole, she is the leader of her gang. I'm also in a Gang Karina I think you should join it, we need someone like you on our side. I'm not that good at fighting you could help me. " Brennan says. "I guess I can try out. When should I come by?" I ask. "I'll call you." He said and left. He was so dreamy. Now I have to try out for his gang. I'm not good though. Am I? He said so himself. I consider myself not bad and not perfect, but just in the middle. When I get home all I think about is what I should wear tomorrow for the party. I get a text and it's from Brennan. It says: "Come outside I need to tell you something."
I'm so confused. The character seems so anti-bullying/violence... But then, the story is centered around the character being in a gang and falling in love with a gangster? It also seems kind of far-fetched... I mean, someone just going right up to a person immediately after a fight and asking her to go to a party? I also feel, as constructive criticism, that you should try to put more emotion into your work. It seems so monotone, like I'm being lectured. I Think with some work your writing talents could improve (keep in kind this was in no way meant as rude; just my opinion on It and if I've upset you at all, sorry. )
Don't worry. I'm not upset . Thanks for the tips although this is just a made up story I could use tips along the way and help on updating chapters.
Well, let's see...the story is a monotone, no real emotion behind the words, simply a straight, emotionless voice. And falling in "love" with someone straight on the spot is impossible. Don't give me love at first sight bull shit. Also, gangs aren't some little groups that carry switchblades. They're a pack mentality of angst filled people who want to hurt people. A girl in a gang would carry herself proudly, and she wouldn't sick her gang on you. She'd find out where you live and harass you. And you don't just invite someone you've just met into your supposed tight pack of people that you consider family. Honestly, this seems like its from a young, naïve perspective. Especially since you named it Gang Love. If you'd read a book like the Outsiders, the one about the greasers and the socs, you'd realize that gang life is family life. Today, it's more like gangs are friends that carry knives, but that's a different story. It's just a bit unrealistic and it goes too fast. They went from strangers to in love to going to having a date after she beat up a girl, which obviously you would be sent to the principals office for, even expelled for, on school grounds.
Qin do you know this from experience? As far as I know Aziza has never been in a gang, and doesn't get involved with stuff like that. Personally people with switchblades making thread is how I picture gangs too.
I do agree with qin on that. A random person would never walk up to you and say, "Hey, wanna join a gang because you fought a school bully?"
Chapter 3 I run outside and see Brennan standing there beside his car. Wow was all I could think. He had a Mercedes Benz. I just stared at it. "You like it?" He asks laughing. "Of course I do! So any news on when I should try out?" I ask. "Yea, on Saturday at 5 pm. But there's another reason why I'm here." He says. "Really what is it?" I ask "Um I ... I .... OH look at the time I have to go I guess I'll see you tomorrow at the Party! Bye Karina!" He said and left. "Weird." I said to myself. The next day I finally figure out the school system and where the classrooms are. I bump into Nicole who gives me a disgusted look. She must hate me. Oh well I still have Ashley and Brennan. Later after school I go home and get ready for the party. "What should I wear?" I kept asking myself. I soon find black jeans, converse for shoes, and a purple shirt. I call Brennan to pick me up now since it's seven. He comes over and I proudly sit next to him in his car. He grins and drives back to his house. "Do your parents know about this party Brennan?" I ask. "It doesn't matter they're on vacation for five months. They said they needed time away from all the trouble going on in their lives. Whatever, I have the house to myself for five months." He says proudly. Soon we arrive at the party and everyone is waiting for Brennan to open the door so everyone could get into his pool and hang out. We get out of the car and Brennan walks up to the crowd of friends. "Who's ready to party?!!" He yells. He opens the door and everyone storms in.
Neither have I. It's obvious when you read books about it you learn about it. And simply because it's made-up, doesn't mean it's supposed to be unrealistic.