Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns __________________________________ Dear icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Enjoy the Karma... Sincerely, the Titanic. __________________________________ Dear Mom, Im 16 now, can I PLEASE get a bra? Sincerely, your son, Justin B __________________________________ Dear Students, I know when you're texting. Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles __________________________________ Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things. Sincerely, 7 __________________________________ Dear Boyfriend, I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can. Sincerely, Spiders __________________________________ Dear America, You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. Sincerely, Canada __________________________________ Dear Buffy, We have a new assignment for you. His name is Edward. Sincerely, anonymous. __________________________________ Dear Waldo, Please return my invisibility cloak ASAP. Sincerely, H. Potter _________________________________ Dear Nickelback, That's enough. Sincerely, the world. ________________________________ Dear Mary, Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand. Sincerely, Joseph ________________________________ Dear Voldemort, So they screwed up your nose too? Sincerely, Michael Jackson _______________________________ Dear Windshield Wipers, Can't touch this. Sincerely, That Little Triangle _______________________________ Dear Men, The first jockstrap was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for you to realize that the brain is also important. Sincerely, Oh that's why you need me to make your sandwich ______________________________ Dear Fork, I understand that we haven't spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon ______________________________ Dear Justin Bieber, Ariel would really love her voice back. Sincerely, King Triton ______________________________ Dear CatDog, Please tell me how you poop. I have wondered for so long. Sincerely, a confused fan ________________________________ Dear Noah, It's ok, we caught the train to Hogwarts instead. Sincerely, Unicorns and Dragons _______________________________ Dear Santa, Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's. Sincerely, Tiger Woods ______________________________ Dear Martin Luther King Jr., I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now? Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio ______________________________ Dear scientists, Your mom says I'm big enough... Sincerely, Pluto ______________________________ Dear Mr. Krabs, You do know you live in a bikini bottom, right? Sincerely, Irony ______________________________ Dear lady in front of me with the six screaming kids under the age of 9, You see that box of condoms that mysteriously appeared in your cart? You're welcome. Sincerely, A Good Samaritan _______________________________ Dear Waldo, Could I interest you in becoming a Horcrux? Sincerely, Lord Voldemort. _______________________________ Dear Americans, Yes of course we ride kangaroos to work. Do you ride fat people? Sincerely, Australians. ________________________________ Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed _______________________________ Dear Snooki, GET BACK TO WORK!!! Sincerely, Willy Wonka ______________________________ Dear Mario, Yea, it's every princess's dream to be rescued by a fat plumber with a pedostache. Sincerely, Princess Peach _______________________________ Dear Romeo, My death isn't the only thing I've been faking... Sincerely, Juliet ______________________________ Dear Call of Duty, You win this round. Sincerely, Ignored Naked Girlfriend ______________________________ Dear World, I think we should seriously consider changing the saying to, 'There are plenty of birds in the sky.' Thoughts? Sincerely, BP _____________________________ Dear Skittles manufacturer, Clearly someone failed their colors of the rainbow test. Sincerely, blue _____________________________ Dear people who say "you are what you eat", False. Sincerely, I don't remember eating a sexy beast today... _____________________________ Dear SuperGlue and NonStick Pan, One of you is lying... Sincerely, here goes nothing. _______________________________ Dear Toaster, Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Sincerely, Toast _______________________________ Dear Edward, I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart. Sincerely, a stake _______________________________ Dear person reading this, You're here because you're actively procrastinating or avoiding real work, aren't you? It's OK...me too. Sincerely, I'll work tomorrow
Obviously have no life... Dear Chloe Due to your recent post on forums... we would like to inform you that you have qualified for our selective services Sincerely PIMD notAnonymous