Hi guys I'm a little new at this criticism is good please help me along the road! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The first day if school. Kills everyone. All the paper signing. The teacher meeting. But for the new kid. Wish him good luck. I looked up at the big sign on the side of the school. "George Washington High School." I walked into the office slowly feeling all the eyes burning into my back. The secretary smiles at me,"Hello Justin welcome to George Washington high school. Don't worry you'll have a blast!" She handed me my schedule, " here is your classes your first period is all the way down the hall look for room 131." I nodded slightly and started walking everyone still staring I wales into the class and sat in the back. I sighed. I knew why everyone was staring. My height. 7'4 is hard to beat at 18 years old. I see all the kids walk in. The teacher stands up and starts saying, "class I am Mr. Shoelick I am your health teacher." I just blurred him out and looked around the room seeing all the glances at me. Then as soon as I knew it. The day was over. I started my 5 mile walk home I looked up and glanced. Then I saw her..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hope you enjoyed! Please bump this! I love your butts!
Not bad so far. Here's some things I would suggest in order for you to improve: Start a new paragraph each time someone new speaks Avoid starting many sentences in a row with the same word (e.g. 'I') Slow down the action and add suspense Add details and emotion Proofread for spelling/grammar issues Be careful not to replace a comma with a period Vary the sentence structures; have some compound and complex sentences instead of all short and choppy one Don't worry, every writer has to start somewhere! Good luck!
Oh and also, single digit numbers are spelled out as words. 5 would technically have to be 'five' to be grammatically correct. (Not for time, though -- that's always written in numbers).
They're not exactly rules (except for the spelling/grammar/dialogue ones). You don't have to follow the others; it'll just make your writing sound better.