(MODS PLEASE EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE IN THIS THREAD. THANK U AND ENJOY) As they drag me down a long, stone-cold hallway, I bleed and see people with with weird glowing tatoos, and glowing eyes. I think to myself (WHAT THE FUCK??). The stone scrapping My new Air Jordan's (Aw shit my moms gonna be P.Oed. Oh wait. She's dead). The "prison" guards wearing robot like suits bring me to this big room and throw me on the ground! My Harry Potter looking glasses crack a little but I can still see. I look up and see a tall chair fit for a king. There was also a window behind the chair. A man was near the window looking outside. He was wearing a coat of royal armor and a hood. He turned around and immediately I try to jump at him but the guards hold me back. I knew that man. That man. That man, was no more than Valgore.
This is a little story I've been making. I need feedback. I will continue if u like it also sorry for all the swearing. It's just supposed to make the story kinda funny hope u like it ~Swag
Its not stupid, hun. It takes long for someone to respond, ok? I really like it but someone will respond. I have my own story and it takes a while...( don't sweat it) Just keep going, and everything will be fine. BUMP!- sky the author
Valgore. I friggen hate that guy. He killed my parents and I was forced to live snobby rich people, who eventually sent me off to boarding school. Which sucked because my room was the stair closet that led to the boys dormitory. (Party In My Stair-Closet-PIMSC. Seems legit) Anyways back to story. Valgore looked at me and laughed. "Sedrick? Is that you Sedrick? Why it is! Long time no see, eh? Hahaha." "Im going to cut out your heart and feed it to you!" I screamed, trying to break free. "I'd like to see you do that but unfortunately you have to go and get used to your new home." the guards take my arms and drag me to a pure white cell with unbreakable glass windows . They put in a code and unlock the door. They Uncuff me and push me inside. The door slams shut and I hear a bunch of locks turning on.(as in I'm completely locked in)
Sorry of my grammar is not correct, I'm missing words and some words are doubled. Common mistake in forums
It takes a long time for people to respond its a competitive place for stories right now give it time
Great. Just what I needed. I sit down on the soft white bed attached to the wall. (at least the bed is comfy) I notice on two walls are two windows. Through the windows I see the people with the weird tatoos. "Where am I?" I ask myself. I'm not sure if it was out loud or not but I hear someone reply. "You are in Valgores secret asylum. You are apparently subject 19." 19? Why such a low number? I look down at my shirt and it says subject 19! I get up and go to the glass door. There is something I can use to speak to the guards."Um excuse me but I don't think I belong here!" "Why is that? You are subject 19. Valgore wouldn't just put you in here." says a guard as he walks by. Damn it. "I guess im stuck here for awhile."I sit on the bed again and look at the ceiling. I notice a vent is up there. Bingo! I get up and grab a chair at the desk in my cell, I stand on it and open the vent. "Valgore was never to smart." I climb in. "Just got here and I'm already escaping. That's gotta be a world record. Well, depends on which planet I'm on." I crawl through the vent for awhile than I hear the alarm go off. Oh crap! I'm screwed!
If you want some advice: 1.) Don't bypass. Telling the Mods to excuse your language will not change the fact that you bypassed. Instead, put asterisk. But not only in one letter but in all the letters. So instead of saying , you say ****. 2.) Paragraphs. Put paragraphs, especially between dialogues, it helps the readers to navigate the update easier. 3.) Punctuation. 4.) description. Put description on the people, on the surroundings, on the happenings. 5.) Patience. Saying, "I hate you all" will not exactly bring readers. And, as Flubber said, there's a time difference. Right now, I just woke up. Be patient, and once you have a stable amount of readers but no one still bumps, you can bump it yourself, but don't say like, "I hate you all," because there are other stories people read and people have their own stories to worry about. Considering this is still a new story, people tend to pay attention to the longer stories. Also, posting in people's wall that your story has been updated is a good way to earn bumps. Hope that helped.
Eh I don't know... It's kind of confusing and I'm sorry to say this but you need proper language no words like "friggin" or the curse words it just makes it look bad. Sorry just my opinion!
Good so far. I agree with Andi. xx Good luck. I'll be reading this. Use Paragraphs, k? Or people would get lost and confused.