ᏰᏞᏫᎾᎠᏞᏌᏕᎢ

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by tash777, May 7, 2012.

  1. I ran as fast as my legs would go. My heart was pounding against my chest franticly. I had to get away from them. I couldn't die now, not after all of this! I finally reached a building and stumbled inside. I looked around and realized it was the library. It was dark, so I kept alert incase some of them had managed to get inside and were lurking in the shadows. I cautiously sat at a desk and turned the lamp on. There was less of a chance of them coming near me if I was by a bright light, but lighting the whole building up was risky. They would cut the power and swarm in, knowing definitely that there was prey to be killed. I lay on the desk in the light if the lamp, drifting in and out of slumber. Suddenly, I heard the bang of a book falling on the floor. I sat bolt upright. Slowly I stood up, my hand reaching for the knife in my belt. I prayed it wasn't one of them. That it wasn't of those things. That it wasn't... one of the bloodlust.
     
  2. what is one of the bloodlust who are they and why do they wanna kill you  i don't want them to kill you tashy great story tho
     
  3. As silently as I could I crept over to the bookshelf that the book had fallen off. I peeked around it, looking for the creature. There was nothing. I stood there for a few seconds before sensing something behind me. Before I could turn around I was pinned to the ground. I let go of my knife in surprise and it clattered away, just out of my reach. I could feel the monster's rancid breath against my neck. I braced myself for death. It lunged towards me, but just before it sunk it's sharp fangs into me I heard a "whoosh". I turned my head to see what had happened. Someone or something had shot an arrow through its chest. It fell off of me, dead, with blood oozing out staining the floor. I stood up shakily and looked around for who had saved me. "are you ok?" said a voice from the darkness. "whos there!" I exclaimed, backing away rapidly. I tripped and was caught by somebody. "only me. there's nothing to be scared about." said a gentle voice. I turned around to see who had spoke. It was a boy. He looked about 18, a year older than me. "I wasn't scared," I said untruthfully.
    "really? You looked quite scared when that thing was about to sink it's teeth into your pretty face." I blushed. Nobody had talked to me like this in a long time. He seemed to casual compared to everyone else. Other people were always too scared to talk. "my name is Arthur. Arthur Fennon. What's yours?"
    "Stephanie." I said. "Stephanie Wilson..." Arthur smiled.
    "cute name. almost as cute as you." what a flirt. If he hadn't saved my life I would have driven my knife through him by now. Also the fact that he is pretty cute. Wait WHAT!? "steph. Hey steph! you still there?" Arthur waved his hands infront of me. I blinked and shook my head. "huh?" dammit. I had gone off daydreaming again. Arthur just laughed. "if you keep doing that you'll be killed before you know it. Either that or worse."
     
  4. Thanks 
     
  5. Use paragraphs tasha  So far so good  BUMP
     
  6. Most people think death is the worst possible thing, right? Wrong. There are worse things. The bloodlust isn't just their name. If they aren't too hungry, they won't kill you. But they will do something even more horrific. They will cut you somewhere you wouldn't see, like behind the ear or on the back of your neck, so gently you won't even notice.Just a little scratch. But this little scratch means the end of you as everyone else knows you. Ever so slowly, you will turn into one of them. There is nothing you can do. Once the bloodlust sets in, you will wish you were dead. You will be trapped inside your own head, doing these things without you wanting to. You will brutally kill your family and drink their blood to quench your thirst. You are doing this. You can't do anything but this. it is uncontrollable. After you have killed your family, you will kill your friends and everyone else you hold dear. It will drive you mad. The bloodlust is unstoppable. Luckily this does not happen too often, as prey for them is scarce these days, but when it does the affected person must be eliminated no matter what, no matter who they are. They must die before they kill.

    "I know what I'm doing." I said, picking up my knife and putting it back in my belt. "I have lived here all my life. I'm not a helpless little girl."

    then I realized something. "why haven't we been attacked again already?" I inquired.

    "because of this," said Arthur, opening a bottle and splashing me with a foul smelling liquid. "eww! What is that!?" I asked in discust. "rat pee!" said Arthur cheerfully, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
    "you IDIOT!"I shouted, forgetting we were in a pitch black library in the middle of the night surrounded by monsters. "why did you just put rat pee all over me!?"
    "it stops the bloodlusts from finding you. They mainly use their sense of smell to navigate and track down prey. If you have rat pee on you then it hides your natural scent, so they cant hunt you down." announced Arthur factually. Rat pee perfume. Wonderful.

    "well it was great meeting you, but I should be on my way." I said, eager to leave.
    "leave? By yourself? While it's still dark and dangerous? Will you be safe all alone?"said Arthur, who seemed to be trying his best to make me stay. "well I got here ok didn't I?"
    "yes but... Will I ever see you again?" he asked.
    "I don't know. Maybe we will see each other in the street sometimes. Why do you--" I was cut short by Arthur kissing me. "what was that for?" I asked, slightly annoyed and embarrassed about kissing a cute guy who I barely knew. "umm..." Arthur looked a bit surprised at himself. "sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I kind of... Umm.. Well... "
    "I think I should go now..." I said, still a little shocked at what had just happened. "Oh. Ok. Bye then." mumbled Arthur. He had gone slightly red. I walked out of the library, smiling to myself.
     
  7. Leave one line when using direct speech. And use capitalization 

    Its really great Tasha!  Good Job 
     
  8. BUMPITY BUMPY BUMP BUMP BUMP 
     
  9. First off, 'in case' is two words, not 'incase'.

    Also, conversations should begin with a capital letter. For example:

    "What is that?" I asked.

    As for the paragraphing, others have already pointed that out.

    Good adjectives though.  Interesting storyline, finally something without love. ._.
     
  10. angel_primadonna you should look at my story my journey it doesn't have love in it and Idk what's coming next
     
  11. Oh .-. Lol I've always written incase instead of in case. I think it's still a word...
     
  12. I got home. I live by myself. My brother was attacked by a bloodlust and was scratched. He killed everyone in the family except me. I shot him down, something nobody else in the family could do, but something that had to be done. It hurt me that I was too late to save the rest of my family and that I had to kill my own brother. My last remaning relative. And he was only six.

    There wasn't much in the house. There were 5 small rooms. A living room with just an old radio and a battered couch in, a kitchen with a sink, cupboard, small fridge and a temperamental stove, a bathroom, a spare room with a single bed, and my bedroom, the biggest room. I looked in the fridge and cupboard for something to eat. I found some slightly stale bread and cheese. They would have to do. I ate them and had a drink of water from the sink. I went to bed, but didn't get to sleep for another hour or so, partly because the bed was so uncomfortable, but also because I kept wondering about Arthur. I couldn't stop thinking about him Who is he? Where is he from? Why does he have to be so goddamn cute!? Many questions flowed through my brain. I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.

    As usual, I was woken by shouting and screaming. I looked outside of the window. More people were dead, more people were mourning. I saw blood splattered across the pavement. Mothers were crying over their lost children. I'm surprised people haven't gotten used to this already. I got dressed, brushed my teeth and went outside. There wasn't anything to eat for breakfast. I narrowly avoided stepping on a dead body, as I was still thinking about that mysterious boy. I got to the town square and looked for a victim.
     
  13. Sorry I'm no good at paragraphs 