Hello, I wanna try to finish a story. I keep losing interest in my stories but I'm determined to finish this one. I love writing with a passion I can't put into words, but sometimes I feel like my writing isn't good enough. I want to get better, an I'm hoping this is how enjoy I opened my Stone cold grey eyes. I groaned getting up I flexed my muscles, grimacing from the soreness. "Where am I?" I asked myself. looking around I took in the room. It was painted a dull grey and full of metal furniture such as cabinets, operating tables, and steel barred windows. I hopped off the table examining myself, trying to piece together what had happened. I gasped. Flashback I sit on my bed staring at the death certificate in my hands, tears falling down my face. It was my mothers she was brutally murdered last night. I sob into my pillow finally after agonizing hours I fell into a deep sleep. I woke up the next morning stumbling into the bathroom I looked at my bright red hair that hasn't been brushed and at my light brown soft eyes from crying. I washed my face staring into the mirror thinking. My mother and I were abandoned by my father when I was 5 she's been supporting me ever since and now she was gone just like that. I started crying once again I got in the bath tub ripping my clothes off until I was wearing nothing.... Just like what was left in my life... Nothing! I had nothing left there was no point in breathing if my beloved mother was murdered and now gone. I turned the knob turning on the water to my neck then sliding myself under. I felt the need to breathe but I let it go and felt like my head was gonna explode finally I let the feeling go, drowning myself. I felt the water rushing into my lungs it felt relaxing to let go of the stress of trying to not breathe I welcomed the water in then all went black. Feedback would be great I really wanna know how I can make this a better story for myself as well as my readers Feel free to Bump but u must leave something u liked and disliked it would be greatly appreciated
, wow v thats really really good..... that would be something i would really want to read...... you have a true talent for writing.... i wanna know what happens after the flash back
Bump! This was good, I agree, great writing! Just a comment: try fixing your punctuations a little, you have a few run on sentences....but other than that, great job! Keep it up!
UPDATE hope u enjoy don't forget to leave feedback A cold hand on my shoulder made me jump from my thoughts. "Hello Chelsea," I looked at the man the voice came from. He was a middle aged man with broad muscular shoulders and a skinny lean build. I jump away from him taking a step back. "Who are you and how do you know my name?" I asked trying to not sound as terrified as I was. Something about him just seemed so familiar I just couldn't place it. He extends his hand out to shake mine, I take it. "Jack I'm well this is gonna sound like something outta twilight," he chuckles "but I'm a vampire." As I'm trying grasp what he was saying another thought of that morning hits me. Flashback As I'm drifting off into the light I see a face I remember as a child, the face of a hero. The man pulls me out of the tub and frantically tries to revive me. I push him away with my weak arms whispering "No Don't." He ignores me and does the Most unusual thing he bites my wrist. I watch the blood spill as I bleed, he cleans it up with his gentle finger. I snap out of my thought looking at my wrist, sure enough there was a bite. I sob "What have u done? There's nothing left for me in this cold world. My mother is gone, my father never cared, all my friends are fake and didn't even call when my mom died." I lean against the table shaking my head "I'm a mess," He lifts my head up. looking at me with his caring Carmel eyes he says "There is something for you in this cruel world, Revenge," he smiles an evil smile. The kind of smile you give when your thinking about exactly that, revenge. Seeing the look he was giving me I understood, he was gonna help me find my mother's killer. I smiled back with that same smile. "I'm in," So what do u think? Did I make the grammar better? Is the story good? Should I continue writing or just give up?
I think it's pretty good. This is my advice: 1. Spell out the words, like you instead of u. 2. Read it over to correct spelling and punctuation mistakes. 3. Some words that shouldn't be capitalized are capitalized, so you should read it over to correct that too. 4. Put some kind of punctuation before and after the dialogue. For example, when you said "I push him away with my weak arms whispering "No Don't"", it should be "I push him away with my weak arms whispering, "No, don't."
Woah I feel lik I'm in the story already luv the description the stone grey eyes perfection is written all over the story
, nice! i wanna see who she gets revenge on and who is the guy to her ... THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!
May ur too funny thanks yay more readers I feel so special but there's truly one person I want to read this oh well he's not much a reader.
Update enjoy lovelies I'm in love with this story, I love writing it so much. I just have some many ideas I need to get out of my head and this story allows me to do that I sat in my new car that Jack gave me, he was too nice. I couldn't help but question why he would wanna help me? Did my mother have a lover at some point who never gave up? I rolled this thought in my head as I waited for Jacks signal, suddenly I got a text from Jack telling me it was time. I got outta the car wearing a short tight red dress showing off my smooth tan thighs. I played with my neck less and let it fall down to my cleavage, yes I was dressed like a hooker. I smiled this plan was gonna go well and I had a secret weapon, my supernatural ability. I walked into the mobsters office sitting down in the seat he provided me. He was like any other mobster big and loved smoking a pipe. His office was all glass furniture and oak wood walls. "What can I do for you pretty lady?" he leaned back in his chair. I crossed my legs looking down at my knees steadying my voice before I spoke. "I need some information, about the murder of Sarah Henderson." I choke out my mothers name. He looked at me with eyes as empty as his heart, finally he spoke. "What do I get in return?" he takes in my body. I hear someone get up behind me. I brace myself using my vampire skills, waiting for the perfect moment till he's close enough In a split second he's on the floor coughing and gasping for air. I show my fangs hissing "You get to live," I smile. I step closer to him and he stumbles getting up. I hear more people coming in behind me, I brace myself ready for some action. One grabs me by the shoulder and I whip around throwing a punch hearing a sicking CRACK! of his skull. He falls to the ground and I grab another victim snapping his neck, I keep myself from biting the men knowing what will happen if I did. I throw the rest across the room there bodies smashing against the wall and falling on the floor limp. After going through about 20 men I turn back to the head mobster. "Now where's my information?" I glare at him. "A-a-alright chill I'll get you your information," he goes to the file cabinet going through folders. "Let's see Henderson... Hmm," he continues looking and I focus my hearing around the building, making sure he doesn't try calling in more men. I hear the cocking of a gun and I look to see him pointing a gun at my chest. "What do you think your doing?" I hiss. "Try anything I'll kill you, just like I killed your mother," he glares at me. I gasp. Suspenseful enough hope you liked it feel free to leave feedback thanks for reading