Lovestruck

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by FallenAngel12321, Jun 2, 2012.

  1. This is my first story so all comments, critiques, and advice is welcome! Thanks! 
     
  2. 

    I sat on my favorite orange plush armchair in my front hall as the door swung open. I already knew it would reveal Ashley, my best friend. With her honey blond hair and crystal blue eyes, along with her amazing fashion sense, she would have no problem getting a guy. But she never tried. "I'm just waiting for the perfect one," She would always tell me. And I'm lucky because I have found the perfect one. Trey Rizzoti, super hottie.
    Ashley's voice snapped me out of my reverie. "Earth to Tina? Hellooo?"
    I blushed, my gaze still cast downwards on the floor. "Sorry, Ash. I was daydreaming… And guess what? Trey's taking me to really fancy expensive restaurant, so I really need your help with what to wear because you know I have no-" I glanced up, staring in shock at the person in front of me. That was definitely not the Ashley Summers I know.
     
  3. I like it good on you for starting a new line for a new speaker
     
  4. :0 OMG.
    MORE, IT'S AWESOME.
     
  5.  Rivalry on the first update! ME FUCKING LIKE!

    Excuse my language 
     
  6. the story
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  7. Ahh. ! Lol, bump :)
     
  8.  Thank you guys so much!
     
  9. 

    She had blue hair with streaks of red pulled back in a ponytail, and wore a short black dress with fishnet leggings. There were black stiletto heels on her feet, and long, dangly earrings. Also, waaaaay too much makeup. "A-Ashley?" I stuttered. "Are you Ashely?"
    "Yeah," she confirmed. "My parents were drinking again, and they dressed me like this, with this wig on. Oh, Tina, it's terrible!"
    "Oh my gosh! Did they hurt you?" I asked her worriedly. Ashley's parents were drug and alcohol addicts, and sometimes they would beat her if they got too drunk so Ashley had to leave some of her clothes at my house to keep them away from her parents.
    "No, not this time." Ashley said. But I know what will take my mind off it. Let's go figure out what you should wear! It's a good thing I have my clothes at your house!"
    ***
    "This?" Ashley asked, holding up a frilly white dress.
    "Nooooo," I groaned.
    "What about this?"
    Ugh. What was that? Puffy sleeves and lace… "No way," I said.
    "Hmmm…" Ashley rummaged through her clothes. "Elegant and simple… Oh, how about this?" She held up a pale pink dress. No lace, no frills, no sequins…
    "It's perfect," I declared. "Thanks so much, Ash."
    "No problem," Ashley replied. "I'll change, then I'll leave and you can wait for Trey." A few minutes later, Ashley came out as herself again, her normal blonde hair framing her dainty face. "Be sure to tell me all the details in school tomorrow," Ashley said, grinning, as she left.
    As I watched out the window for Trey, I could feel the ecstasy building inside me. Trey was so kind, bringing me to this expensive restaurant. But little did I know, that feeling was soon going to change.

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    Sorry I was going to post a lot today but I had writer's block Dx
     
  10. Sorry it's short… it's the best I could come up with
     
  11. Well actually both of them are really short
     
  12. It's fine with it being short, you want to read my story it's The lie and Love doesn't last forever. Read the first part of the stories so the events make sense.
     
  13. I read the beginning of your story Jean
    It's really good
    I couldn't finish it because I have to leave now
     
  14. You can finish reading when you get on again. And bye
     
  15. 

    Where was he? Trey was more than an hour late! I checked my watch again. It was 8:15 and he said to be ready at 7:00. Maybe he mixed up the times… or maybe he's at the restaurant now, because we were planning to get to the restaurant at 8:00. With that thought, I scrambled out to my car. In record time, I got to the restaurant, dashing inside. Trey wasn't there. "Table for two, please," I told the waitress, glancing around the room as she led me to my table.
    "Would you like to order anything?" She asked.
    "No, I'll wait for my date to come." I said. Despite Trey being late, I couldn't help feeling excited about our date, when he came. He would come, right? Yes, of course he would. I had complete faith in him. As I glanced around the room, I saw tons of people, but none of them looked like Trey. There was an old couple sharing a dish, a bunch of friends laughing and joking loudly with each other, a couple making out, and… a cute guy staring at me.
    As if he realized I had seen him, he turned away hurriedly, reddening. I felt myself attracted to him, wanting to introduce myself. He had the whole surfer boy thing going for him, with wavy blonde hair and deep blue eyes… like the ocean…
    Stop it, I told myself. You love Trey, and only Trey. You're not going to throw away your perfect relationship for some guy that may or may not have been looking at you. As he looked up again, he saw me looking at him. This time it was my turn to be embarrassed. I quickly glanced away, my cheeks burning.
    Saving me from my embarrassment, the waitress came by again. "Are you sure you don't want to order anything?" She said in concern. "Some water?"
    "No thanks," I told her. "But could you show me where the bathroom is?"
    As I went to the bathroom, I noticed the couple that had been making out before. They were standing up to leave, so I scooted back out of the way. Standing hidden in the shadows, I saw the guy turn around. I gasped as I saw his face.










































    It was Trey.
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  16. I have to go for real now :)