"JAY!" My best friend Annabelle yelled to me "JAY! GET UP ITS 5:00!" Ugh. Friday. To be honest I really don't like Fridays at the end of the day, that's when u get run over by everyone running out of school. (-_-) My best friend Annabelle have been living together since the beginning of 9th grade. And now we're 17 in 11th grade, Yep 3 years. I dragged my self out of bed getting ready slow as ever, Annabelle screaming at me to hurry up. It's 6:00 by the time I'm ready, I have until 7:00 to do stuff. 6:45 and I'm restless and I drag Annabelle out of the house towards the school. We make our usual stop at Annabelle's boyfriends house to get him. Best thing ever, we came in through Dylan's (Annabelle's bf) bedroom window this morning. His face: Absolutely freaking priceless!!!!! We laughed about it all the way too school. It was fourth period math now, raaaaaaaa math. Worst class ever, I just wanted my lunch that was after this class. But surprisingly I liked class today. Mr. Smith got carried away with a story that lasted the whole class and even better, we got a new student Lance... hottest guy I've EVER seen!!!!!!! Oh my god he was perfect! Pure black skater boy hair, piercing green eyes, the cutest smile ever, 5"7, and his voice is amazing! Lucky me, he now sits next to me! ——————------------------------------------------———— 1. What's one thing u want to see happen in this story 2. Should I continue? It it ok?
1.) Try not to use faces in your writing, it kind of brings that down, just slightly. 2.) Only a few punctuation errors, such as too many exclamation marks or missing commas. Overall, those are the two things popping out at me. Also, try using more vocabulary.
1. High school romance is cliche. 2. No faces. 3. The abbreviation of boyfriend should never be used... 4. 5'7" is really short. 5. Fix all grammar errors.
I didn't ask u guys to all give me criticism! The only advice I with be taking is from gamzee so the rest of u guys do t waist ur time telling me what to correct
.-. A.) Adam's been here for less than I have been, but you should take criticism because it ups your writing.
It is a bit cliche, but every story is different. Criticism is good, and those things are true. However, I think your writing is good and you use paragraphs and things that makes it a lot better. ^-^ update soon!!