Their I saw him, sitting across the lunch room. His hand brushing back the hair that always falls in his face. Those dimples that he has just above the corners of his mouth slowly forming, because something his friend said made him smile. He smiles that crooked grin that just makes girls faint. He doesn't even realize that he does it. He just acts like him and thats all their is to it. He has a very caramel like complexion that just makes his blue eyes shine even bright then they already are. Those blue eyes that just make you think of the crashing waves on a sea shore, those eyes that make you loose yourself as if you were at sea. That's him, Dimitri.... He also happens to he my brother. What do u think? Comment and tell me if u should continue?
And also, you have quite a few of grammatical mistakes, but those are easily fixed. Ie. There, their, they're are different. You used them incorrectly. I do like your describing words though..
Unfortunately I agree with syd about the falling in love with ur brother part but gr8 story. Love the dimples
Dimitri's prov I really hate my hair, I think as i brush it back from my face for the billionth time. It makes my forehead unbelievably sweaty, which in my case obviously isn't Attractive. I smile my fake smile at something my poor daft friend Derek says. He always has pitiful attempts to make us all laugh, but we love the little guy so we pretend to laugh and smile like it's hilarious. I see my sister from across the cafeteria and I can't help but feel she is staring at me. I don't know it's just that for some reason I think she is infatuated with me, but then again I think I am deluding myself into believing the impossible. Why would she like me of all people? She is my sister but I can't help but say she Is an amazing sight. Her luscious flowing brown hair that's straight but wavy at the same time. That little piece of hair that always falls in front of her face that she constantly has to tuck behind her ear, and then theirs that smile that rarely occurs, but still could light up a room in pitch black darkness. It's also the smile that intoxicates me every time.
Make sure to change "loose" to "lose" that's a typical spelling error. I did really like your writing, I think if you were to expand the story that would be great. Good work.
Bianca's prov After I finally broke my gaze away from his angelic form, I finally focused on what my best friend sara was saying. She was going on and on about the prom, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I hated the very thought of the prom. Those stupid dresses,the dumb shoes and especially the stupid idea of taking some "special" to it. "Sara shut up, I honestly don't care!" I yell at her. I instantly felt back because I know her and her boyfriend Brad have been looking foreword to it since they started going out. "your just bitter that you have no one Bianca!" she yells right back. Now that really hit me were it hurts. I get up from the cafeteria table and realize that everyone is staring, so I grab my tray and try to walk nonchalantly to the garbage can. I keep walking and I am almost their until I bump into someone standing right in front of me. He has a tall muscular build but not intimidating strong. His shoulders are broad and his jaw is perfectly defined. I feel hi imitated because I just spilled my left over food on Dimitri.
Dimitris prov I kept trying to focus on what my table was talking about, but I just couldn't quite remove my attention from Bianca. She was having an intimate heated conversation with one of her shallow friends, and me being the noisy Dimitri that I am just had an obligation to listen. My more quiet conservative friend Alex makes a comment, "Bianca's hot!" I could just feel my face getting enflamed, so I stand up start to walk away before I punch him. I see Bianca walking away to so I decide to walk with her. I am about to give her hug when she rams right into me with her tray. I am just surprised because maybe she did it on purpose and she won't even look me in the eye.