Hello my awesome possums! I was looking through a couple of old stories that I never finished, and I found this one! Like I said, I never finished it, but I can if you want me too! Also any constructive criticism would be much appreciated. (pleeaaase no BB code fails!) Anywaaayyysssss......... ~~~~~~~~ I'm useless. The Singers hate me. Everyone hates me, and all because I can't Sing. All my life I've been living at the Psalman Fortress, where the singers live. But I can't sing. Can't. I was supposed to be Sari, the 444th singer, but I just turned out to be Ri, a fish out of water. Our Queen has been very, very ill for the past eighteen years. Because of this, none of the Singers have been able to reach their full power. Not been able to Sing their most unbelievably powerful chants. Funny thing is, this all started when I was born. Go figure. ~~~~~~~~ I fell apart and sobbed in the middle of my chant to a wilting rose when it did not become beautiful again. What good am I if I couldn't bring back life to a blasted little rose? The most simplest, most elementary of chants? I quickly abandoned the thought as the bells rang to call all the singers together to eat lunch. Dong.......Dong........ Hmmm... the bells had always sounded so sad to me. So melancholy. Maybe even eerie? Oh well, at least I had one thing to look forward too today; my favorite honey almond cornbread. I walked down a curvy path as cobblestones clicked under my feet. I made my way over to a tall building made of beautiful turquoise colored stone that shimmered in the sunlight, the Cafeteria. A bluebird perched on a window and flew away as I ran my fingertips over the cool, frictionless stone. It had a pleasant feel. Ivy and flowers crawled over the sides of the building, as if they were reaching for something. They would never get what they were reaching for. Even their light will be gone by nighttime. The pretty green ivy and pink of the flowers made the building that much more beautiful, although I wondered how something could possibly attach itself to something so smooth. I stood admiring the building for a few moments before I entered the Cafeteria, the beauty of it never ceased to amaze me. The door was just as pretty, with very old carvings of birds and flowers on the front, obviously carved with an unbelievably skilled hand. Maybe I could become as skilled as that, but I would have to get my hands on some carving tools first. I guess I could maybe steal some from a Singer. Or maybe not, I might get in trouble. But then again, I'm pretty sneaky AGH! Stop thinking about stealing! ~~~~~~~~ Well, that's where I'm going to end it for now. If you want me to write the rest, tell me! BUH-BAI ~Marshmallow
I was gonna write more, but Pimd was being an ass and not letting me. so yeah, it's kinda short right now!
Well, I've got nothing better to do. So imma write more. ~~~~~~~~ I walked over to a wooden table with tons of food on it; enough to feed the entire Fortress. Enough in fact, to cover the entire two-hundred foot long table. Strawberries, noodles, honey almond cornbread, nectarines, rice, rich chocolate pudding, tarts, and every other delicious thing you could think of sat atop silver platters. A few feet away sat golden goblets and giant sparkling crystal bowls containing different drinks. Nectar, honey, milk, and various fruit juices filled everyone's goblets, including mine which contained nectar. Only minutes after I had entered the Cafeteria was my plate piled with buttered noodles, nectarines, and honey almond cornbread. I was especially hungry. I wolfed down the cornbread quite quickly as two Singers looked at me. One whispered something in the other's ear and had a disgusted look on her face. I shot them a glare that could burn through steel and went back to munching away on my food. I was about to take another bite of my cornbread as my best—and only—friend, Imari snuck up behind me and batted my shoulder, scaring me half to death and making me drop my cornbread on my robe. I shrieked and scrunched my nose at her. "Oh my goodness, Imari! You scared me!" "Sorry," she blushed and smiled at me. "Did you like your honey almond stuff?" "Yes. Did you have any?" "Nah, I'm more of a fruity person myself." Imari suggested. I didn't even notice I had zoned off until she pointed it out. "Um, Ri? Why are you staring at nothing?" She wore a look of concern, but I know she knew what was going on. "Huh?" I said dumbly. "Oh, I was just thinking about this morning." "What happened?" She asked with an eyebrow tilted up. ~~~~~~~~ Hope you liked that part, too! ~Marahmallow
This seems interesting If you gonna finish this, count me in Wait no! You have to! I'm always sad when my readings are unfinished And one thing, you made me hungry!!!
I like it! The description and the sentence structure is done well, and the plot seems very original. It's wonderful. There's a few grammar mistakes, but not many, and a little bit of repetition (you started three sentences in a row with 'I'), but other than that, great job. ^.^
Oh, and you said pimd was being an ass, so just a suggestion(this is what i do), try writing it in notes on your phone, that way it doesn't lag cuz of pimd and its easy to check for typos, and do rereadings before posting
~~~~~~~~ "Same old thing. I tried to bring something back and I failed. I could feel my eyes burn and fill up with tears. I was crying. "Ri, I don't know what to say." Imari placed her hand on my shoulder when I started to cry, once again reminded of my lack of talent. It wouldn't seem like that big of a deal here, bringing a rose back to life. But I always failed. Again and again and again. "Come on, let's go outside. You're done with your food, right?" "Yes." My voice cracked. "Come on then," Imari walked away a few steps and stopped to wait for me. "Okay." I replied, and we walked into the courtyard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We were early getting into the courtyard, and I spotted the rose I was trying to save. Instead of bright pink, it was now an unpleasant shade of brownish-gray. I couldn't look at it. We walked over to our usual spot, under four tall apple trees. We talked and talked, about lunch, about our mornings, about random things that neither of us could make the least bit of sense out of. Imari is the best friend anyone could ever have. My parents abandoned me when I was born, ashamed of their non-singer. Imari's parents had taken me in, though they knew what I was. They thought I didn't deserve to be alone. After Imari and I had become old enough, we moved into the dormitory together at the Fortress. We are like sisters. Although I still wonder, why am I living at the Fortress? I definitely don't deserve it. The bells rang to dismiss everyone. Dong........Dong........ Some went to the dormitory, some stayed in the courtyard, obviously being so engrossed in something that they didn't hear the bells. Imari stayed, said she was going to do something. I didn't really ask, so I just said okay and walked inside. I weaved my way through the hordes of girls getting to their dorms, while I found mine and locked the door so nobody would disturb me. I turn my back to the door and take a deep breath. It's been a long, long day. I lay down on my bed, intending only to rest my eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep until I had woken up to my pet cat sleeping halfway on my forehead and halfway on the pillow. I shook my head and she flew off my face, sprawling out on the floor and leaving my wavy black hair looking like tumbleweed. "Ugh! Din, what exactly were you trying to get away with by lying on my face?" Yes, I actually say things to my cat sometimes. I'm kind of talking to myself more than Din, though. Din looked at me with big green eyes and started to purr. I rolled my eyes and picked her up, and she tilted her head and made a little kitten noise. She rubbed against my cheek and I sat her down on my bed. She jumped down and bounced over to her food bowl. I giggled to myself a little and filled up her little bowl with chopped bits of deer jerky, which was her normal food unless I ate something that contained meat for dinner, then she got leftovers. She merrily chomped away on her food until somebody knocked at the door, then she turned and looked, ears forward and alert. "Come in," I insisted. I knew I was Imari, I didn't have to check. I heard her unlock the door and it creaked open. ~~~~~~~~ Hope you liked it! Don't worry, it's going to get a LOT more exiting! ill try to update if I'm not busy, and I would like it if you would maybe post pictures and stuff of characters you want to be in the story or what you think Ri and Imari look like. ~Marshmallow
Um.....I don't mean to spoil but yeah. it wasn't even meant to be a cliffhanger in the first place, I just needed a good place to end.