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I'm glad to be of help to you somehow. :)
Alright... This is truly an odd story. And no, not the bad kind of odd, of course. First, I want to point out some grammar mistakes and spelling...
@Justin I neither said it was good or bad. It's a public forum and he asked me to review his fanfiction. Get off MY back? :)
Alright. I've only read a few pages, but I will finish the rest later as I feel the need to point certain things out. First, I'll point out some...
Ah, I'll get around to your fanfiction... Its just the size of 18 pages kind a scared me away... I was half-asleep and I didn't really want to...
Uh, I must say, certain parts of this story was rather confusing. I usually am not too nit-picky about grammar and spelling...but when it gets to...
My, goodness, such a nice story indeed. However, there are some problems I spot in the story. One in particular I believe is the flow. Now, one...
I would say it can easily go further, but brainstorming and continuous revising will also be needed.
Hm, well I don't want to sound blunt, but as a serious reader I prefer that contain some originality. Some parts of it unpredictable pulling me in...
One of the words I would describe your story here is wonderful. It is full of emotions, detail, and sometimes the nasty side of things we...