Separate names with a comma.
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I love this. BUMP.
I love this so much I can't even- GAH. Is this a one-shot or are you updating it?
I partly agree with you. I think love stories are fine, but I hate ones that are only about love and nothing else. It has to have something...
UPDATEEEEE
It's funny how we can't really tell the difference between stories on FF and published stories. I was ready to give criticism for this, but it's...
^^^^I agree with Tash. The KaW users don't bother to make stories anymore, so the few stories that are actually on there are ****.
Bump!
Is Eliza even active anymore?
Wonderful. Bump!
Great start. I would suggest adding a little more detail, and using a thesaurus for better vocabulary. Bump!
My criticism: Proofread for spelling errors and whatnot. Also, remember to put punctuation after each line of dialogue. Bump!
Good job so far. I would suggest using a thesaurus for better vocabulary, but otherwise, it's great.
Yes, spaces after punctuation. And it could use a few commas here and there, but otherwise, it's good.
BUMP.
Jack, I legit started cracking up at that. Naviesa, good start so far. :3 All of the criticism I was going to give you has already been...
Update. NOWWWWWWWWW.
Bump.
Once that happened to me, and I just restarted my iPod and it worked perfectly. I assume she already tried that, and it didn't work? :3 Perhaps,...
BUMPPPPPPPP