Now, I don't claim to be a great writer or anything, hell, i'm only 15, so I doubt I could be considered one, but please don't judge me to hard, and uf you want, go ahead and ask to join the story (include a guideline over who you want your character to be) or give some tips or ideas as to how you want the story to be. Long intro finished, here's my much longer first chapter Who Do You Trust? The forest stretched out before him, soaked in a thin fog, giving it an eerie b-list horror movie feel. "This is why I hate gym" he says, before taking out the laminated map and beginning the search for the posts... Over an hour later, he's slowly making his way through the dense bushes beneath the passive evergreen trees, now white with frost. The cold seeped in through his jeans, loose against his legs, and as he walked, the cold jeans repeatedly rubbed against his legs, chilling them even more. His black and white Vans were covered in cold, wet, swampy forest water. The forest seemed as if it went on forever, and as he endured the chill of late November, he considered the possibility that he was lost. The trees looked the same wherever he went, the path appeared to never change, amd the stillness of the forest, an utter silence broken only by the soft footsteps on the damp moss, as well as the rythmic thumping of his heart, straining to keep blood flowing through his veins. The task given to him by his gym teacher was yet unfullfilled, but nobody was expected to find all 15 posts in a single hour, so his efforts wouldn't be looked down upon. Even if the teacher wasn't satisfied, at least he had tried. Eventually reaching a crossroads, the boy realized he'd been subconsiously following a mixture of sound- the distant boys from his class shouting to each other-, memory- he hadn't been able to bring it up on command, but his brain still remembered the way he'd travelled-, and pure, blind luck. He turned right, then after a couple more minutes of stiff and cold joints moving as one, he finally exited the forest, reaching the school, where e could already see several busses (is that right?) lined up. None of them were the one that drove to where he needed to go. He entered the hallway, just outside of the gym, where he had left his backpack before the class had begun. The gym teacher himself was nowhere in sight. Although he'd probably get in trouble for it, the boy took the paper, marked in a couple places by different sized holes, and dropped it to the floor, before leaving the map in a similar fashion. He then picked up his bag, walked out of the door, and went home on his bus, once it came.
Oh right, forgot to mention; Any and all critique is welcomed and appreciated. Well, hate messages I'll ignore but apart from that, tell me what you think!
Well, i just now wrote it, but if ppl are askibg for updates already, I must be doing something right I'll start writing in a bit, just gotta take care of some other stuff first
Ok, based on the positive reactions, I'll continue writing this. But I need to start tomorrow (I live in Norway, you see, it's currently 23:23, i.e. 11:23 PM). And I also have school, so don't expect too much . But I promise to keep writing. If you wanna sign up and have your own character in the story, as a friend, enemy, or other featured character, go ahead and post your suggestions, along with how and who you want your char. to be! I've got a thread open for suggestions, so go right ahead good night all!
Sorry, sorry, but it's getting really late, and I've lost my force to write for tonight. I've got drafts for most of the character's who've signed up, along with a bit of backstory, but I wouldn't want to spoil it for you, now would I? Sorry, but untill tomorrow, this story is sadly put on hold. But please keep bumping it, so I can find it tomorrow Good night, people!
Right, part two: (by the way, this is later, the same day) The dreams came and went, bringing their terrors and bliss in equal amounts. But this one... was different. It didn't seem like a dream, at least, he felt like he was awake, but he didn't remember waking up. Looking around, he saw a lake surrounding him, crystal clear, yet seemingly bottomless. Beneath him was... Nothing, no island, no piece of wood, nothing substantial except for the lake. Yet he was still standing. Pondering what sort of dream this was, he suddenly fell, finding out that the lake was extraordinarily cold, as if he had dived into a pool in mid-november in Norway. Despite the feeling of cold, he began to sink, and in seconds was desperately swimming upwards. But which way was up? He was disoriented, struggling to figure out which way was up, then he saw a single bubble floating through the water, towards the wonderful air his lungs were painfully calling out for. His vision was getting darker, his pain was becoming greater, as his focus was entirely on the bubble, nothing else mattered, and it seemed like it was getting bigger, closer, egging him on, almost teasing him. Then his vision went out, but he could still feel. As his lungs cried out one final time, sending the signal to the brain, telling it that it wasn't going to last, the signals then were sent to his jaw, which opened, filling his insides with... Air? His vision cleared instantly, his thought returned, and he passed out. He was only out for a second or two before awakening. He suddenly remembered what was going on, and tried to turn on the lights in his room, only to find that the walls were completely smooth and... curved? As his eyes opened, shock ran through him as he saw he was inside the bubble. But, how? 'It's not real, remember you're dreaming' His own mental voice tried to calm him down, until his voice of logic intervened, stating that this must be one hell of a dream if he can feel cold, drowning, and passing out without waking up in the "real" world. While he was deliberating, the bubble silently moved, although there was no way of telling how fast it was going, how far away it was from where he'd started, or if it was even real. At least, there wasn't until a small, extremely distant shape formed in the distance. Despite it's miniscule size, against the flat nothingness around him, it stuck out as if the Eiffle Tower suddenly showed up, full scale, at his school, elevators, stairs, tourists and shops included. As he stared at the distant figure, he wondered as to what it was, as well as noticing that although the bubble wasn't much larger than he was, the air in it seemed to be lasting for quite a while. As he considered that thought, the figure suddenly wasn't so distant, and it appeared to be a massive, upside down fishbowl, except for the fact that the whole thing was glowing.
This is very good but more details would make it even better. Like what characters look like, and the types of sounds heard. Etc. But this is very great!