The next day at school Luke and Halley were walking together as an official couple.Matt saw them walking together.Halley and Matt looked at each other but then Halley looked away.Matt walked over to them.Luke held Halley in his arms to protect her from Matt. "Hands off my Girl Luke!"Matt said. "She's my girl now man! So back off!"Luke replied. "Is that true Halley?"Matt asked. "Yes! You even said it! Remember!"Halley yelled. Matt remembered and said,"Yes I do but I regret it!" "Look Halley we have been dating for a year and then we broke up we need to get back together.....I love you" "I'm sorry Matt I really am I love you too but I'm with Luke now and well let's just see how this relationship is then we will see who is right for me? Ok ?" "Of course Halley but one last kiss before we leave?"Matt asked. Halley grinned and kissed Matt one last time. ---LATER THAT NIGHT---- Luke's hand went all over Halley's body.Halley was on top of Luke naked.Luke kissed her every chance he had.Then Luke's phone rang. It was a member from Luke's New Gang he had just joined.The dudes name was Jake. Luke:-Still kissing-"Hello?" Jake:"Hey man we need you at the warehouse NOW we need to make you an official Gang member of our gang SNAKES" Luke:"Yea -Kissing Sure I'll be right there" Jake:"Are you in bed with a GIRL?" Luke:"Yea why?" Jake:"Dude if you have a girlfriend every member of our gang has to bang her then use her for whatever we want!" Luke:"What?! Well then don't tell the boss!"(Adam) Jake:"Dude this is awkward umm well your on speaker with the whole gang" Luke:"I'll be right over" -HANGS UP-
Er....this story goes a bit fast.... all the guys want is well, sex....and all the girls are sleazy and there's no description as to where, when, or what...the characters are faceless...and (one of my pet peeves) you don't use spaces after periods. Which means you don't capitalize the first letter of a sentence, which means poor grammar. Also, inappropriate capitalizations mid-sentence. Only proper nouns get a capitalization . More feeling would be nice too....just my opinion...it's a good storyline though