Yous arnt stupid. Hate me more or not just read this.

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by DinosAreTheOldestCars, May 9, 2020.

  1. I was gonna do this ages ago. I was actul in forums starting to write this then my it phone died forever. Yous already know anyway coz yous arnt stupid but I wanna make this anyway. No point in not now. People either gonna hate me more or will wanna try talk at least.

    Idk how to tdlr this so read it or don't idc.
    I'm not Scott. Back when I was a super noob I got asked 'is your name really Scott or is it a fake name?'. This was back when my username was Scott104 on my 1st acc. I knew I had a choice to make. I could either say I'm Scott and start a new life that no one irl will ever know about or I can tell the truth. I spent ages trying to decide what to do. I decided to say I'm Scott. I thort it would be a way I can escape my life n just try make friends n talk to people that don't know me irl. I thort it could be a way where I can be me n where I can try different things to find out who I am.

    I'm gonna split this into 2 sections now. Stuff I been saying that IS TRUE and stuff I been saying that was a lie.

    LIES
    The 1st ovius one...I can write better then I have been. I'm still shit but I can.
    Sarah isn't real. I don't have a girlfriend. Pretending to have 1 just felt better then not having one at all.
    Tyler, Luke, Katelyn and Cole isn't real to. I just used it to try help me know stuff to talk about that didn't last like 2mins if that. Tyler is my friend for my head tho.
    My dad isn't dead and isn't a bad person. I think I made that up when I was angry at him one time. He's actul a really good dad and I live with him and he's help me with ALOT of stuff.
    My mom tecnicly isn't dead but in a way feels like she is. I tecnicly grew up without a mom coz of bad drs. All my life up till I was 15-16 me and her havnt been able to talk or do anything. She's not dead but it still feels like I don't have a mom coz I don't know what a mom is ment to be like or is ment to do and everything.
    I have never done porn or anything for money or anything like that. I don't remember where I got the idea to start that from.
    I half lied about having my 1st sexual experience when I was little. I didn't fuck anyone but did like lick her n gave her a rim job n shit like that. At the time I didn't know that's what it was or that it was bad. We never got cort doing it so never got told off.
    I'm not rich....never have been and probly never will be....it's very much the opposite..grew up poor and still am.
    I didn't ever get kick out of school and didn't drop out. I stayed at school right thru till I was 18 coz of the fact me and my dad would of been homeless if I did drop out coz he got paid by the goverment for me being at school. By high school I did get alot of detentions tho and set a school record for most detentions in a row.
    I've never got arrested I have always stopped myself from doing anything to stupid coz I know I won't survive prison. I'm pritty sure I would just completely shut down and probly end up killing myself from not eating or whatever. I have considered trying to do something to end up in jail tho coz I saw on the news that they get work experience learning how to do stuff then go straight into a job when they get out.
    I've never been raped but I almost was when I was about 5-6.
    I'm not addicted to drugs. I used it as a way to make sure that never happened. I kept getting curius about what it would be like to take certain drugs so I used Google to find out about them and what they do then did my best to try act it out and see what happened from it. It's helped to keep my curiosity from going further with drugs. I did start to get addicted to morphine when I was 14 tho but managed to get away from that pritty quick.

    TRUTHS
    I am addicted to drinking. I had my 1st drink when I was 11 and was addicted by the time I turned 16. Didn't relize I was till about 2yrs ago. Every time I was wasted on the game I was wasted irl to. On March 28th I made it to 1yr without a drop of alcohol but then 2 weeks later I relapsed coz I didn't know it still counted when the alcohol was in food not a actul drink. I been shitty alot more then usul lately coz withdrawals propr fuckng with me. Theres only 2 people in the world that know how bad it got...me and my best friend. None of my family still don't know I have ever been addicted. And no I'm still not going to rehab I made it to 1yr on my own with 0 help I can do it again....it's just harder this time for some reason. Addiction is part of me and in my life I have become addicted to chocolate when I was little, then got addicted to gaming to the point the real world looked fake, and I got addicted to watching porn. Don't know how that happened just all of a sudden I relized I was skipping school and sleep and probly on average watching 8-10hrs of porn a day.

    I don't have ADHD the Dr said I'm to old to have it and the people that keep asking if I have it are just being mean so to ignore them. But I do have depression, PTSD, anxiety, mega social anxiety and autism. I get confused alot and I don't understand feelings and emotion. Talking is hard for me I don't know how to know what to say...that's why I made things up to try talk about. I don't understand it and I really don't relize if I've said stuff bad unless someone tells me. Nothing is normal to me even simple things like eating and staying hydrated and keeping clean. Everything is forced and takes ALOT of effort coz my head doesn't tell me that it needs to be done. The time I said I'm trying to learn how to be good was me tryingto learn how much do I need to mask for people to not rage at me so much but still lets me be me. I think I know that now.

    I have had alot of head knocks all hitting my head in the exact same spot every time some how. Had a point where for some reason I passed out or blacked out every day for about almost 2yrs which ended up in me falling on some thing and smashing my head. That I remember of I've had at least 5 concushins. My head in that spot now hurts 24/7 if I push on it it hurts more. I have a headache 24/7 from it and the worse it gets the more it effects me (memory, sight, balance, muscle movements, talking and thinking).

    The talking Dr stuff is real. I was in speech therapy for about 1yr and a half I think coz I didn't know how to talk right was saying words wrong alot. Still do but not as much now. Turned out I wasnt breathing right to and forgetting to breath more then I thort I was...that's still bad to but better then it used to be.

    Benji is real but he's a cat not a dog. I can't have a dog no landlord will ever allow a dog but cats are easier for to convince to let me have.

    I do like green and dinos and old school cars and I'm really trying to get into fitness as well.

    I am 22 and my birthday is September 17.

    I do live in New Zealand.



    This bit is a even bigger one but may as well say it to coz so then if you don't like it you don't have to waste time talking to me. But like if we already been talking fine I don't get why this has to change anything but for alot of people it does so whatever.......I'm a tranny. I'm a guy but wasnt born with a dik like I was ment to be. Havnt had any surgerys yet coz this fúckn virus has put all that on hold but it will happen at some point. So tecnicly I havnt fuckd any chick yet everything I know about sex I learned it from watching porn alot.


    I think that's everything idk probly stuff I'm forgetting but oh well. If you wanna hate me now/hate me more then whatever it's what I'm expecting more to happen. Just block me and get it over with. If you wanna try talk and know me me not Scott me then can pm me.


    Here's some stuff about me me if you even give a shit and still reading this.
    I'm Charlie. I like animals they help keep me calm and settled down. Im drawn to animals more then people....easier to talk to and be around. I do want to talk to people and make friends I just don't know how to...never understood it or learned how. The 2 friends I do have they came to me so they like made us be friends. I got extreme bullied every day at school from when I was 5 day 1 of starting school right till I was 17 ish. Theres alot I don't remember coz my mind i blocked it out but it's made it harder to try talk to people somehow aparently. So if you do want to talk to me it won't be easy. But will try. But as you can see I got everything going against me coz I'm a fat ugly stupid as fuck broken as fuck tranny peice of shit so why would anyone want to talk to me. But I'm putting the option there coz it's worth a shot at least.

    Not trying to make people feel bad for me or any thing just hate that i did this. I didnt know it was bad to be in my own world on a game till my friend said it was. Im gonna change my name thingy n i promise from now on for who ever wants to talk to me i will talk as Charlie me i wont bring Scott back or any one else.
     
  2. If this makes you hate me more you can unadd me or even block me its ok. Dont expect any one to wanna talk to me for a while at least
     
  3. Thank for you coming clean. It must have been really difficult for you to decide to do so. I forgive you for lying. I hope that you can continue to be truthful and authentic.
     
  4. So you’re kind of a catfish, nothing new, lots of people on here are catfishes.

    Also you’re not too old to have adhd, lost of people don’t get diagnosed as children and grow up with undiagnosed adhd.
     
    Choochiiiiii, Victoria, Aei and 6 others like this.
  5. Especially since Charlie was assigned female at birth. ADHD is notoriously underdiagnosed in females. It makes sense that he would get diagnosed later in life, because the medical field still isn't perfect at identifying ADHD in all genders yet.
     
  6. I mean, i think we all suspected something was up for a long time.

    It's a shame you said some of the things you did in the past but i hope this is a huge weight lifted off your shoulders and you feel like you can be more authentic with us now.
     
  7. Though I’m not a fan of dishonesty, I can acknowledge that telling the truth can be extremely difficult sometimes.

    I don’t think any less of you though for not telling everyone the truth about yourself.

    But it’s nice to meet you Charlie. I’m looking forward to seeing you more as you progress with a more honest mindset.
     
  8. Okay, Charlie. First of all, it's a good thing that you chose to post this.

    If I'm being honest, it doesn't change too much for me. I think that person I saw being helpful to everyone in our club chat is still there, and that's what I liked about you and what made me certain that you aren't a bad person, regardless of other things.

    I can also understand why you got caught up on a lie that was small (just a name at first) because people do that all the time. Making other lies to help hiding the first one is a common thing, and it takes courage to tell everyone the truth after so much time. I think even if some people get angry, it will feel better to be liked for who you are.

    I hope you understand this message.
    But tldr: I don't think you're a bad person, I forgive you and I hope you can keep being honest and being yourself. It will be ok.
     
  9. Idk. I expected people to rage at me alot. So im im confu a bit. Still not gonna be easy coz talking has always been hard but im gonna try. Wouldnt be suprized if alot of the stuff i said was wasted me saying it not me me and thats why i dont remember where a bunch of the stuff even came from. Doing my best not to drink any more ever again so should be ok now
     
  10. 😴😴😴
     
    Buwbuw likes this.
  11. I think people used to rage more when you were saying crazy shit and not understanding why we were reacting that way.

    Did anyone get hurt? No, i don't think so. You only hurt yourself by trying to hide the real you. Either way it's no biggie. Someone people will still have a hard time believing you based on your track record but you can't plesse everyone so fuck it
     
  12. Well idk the real me yet to so idk. Still dont dont really know who i am havnt figured it out yet
     
  13. Hey Charlie, it's good to hear from the real you for a bit.

    You had some of me and others confused with that Scott act 😕. Caring about "Scott" was hard when it wasn't clear if that was you at all.

    As you keep being honest about yourself, you'll find people care more about you.

    I got emotional while reading this and I'm sure it took a lot of bravery. I have a lot to say and write about everything you've been through. Advice, ways that I relate, etc. But I don't want to write too much if it's too much for you.

    I want to congratulate you also on writing so much and so honestly.

    It's good to see you and know what you're coping with.

    To put on a "psychologist's hat" for a bit.
    Click the spoiler if you want my armchair opinion on your mental health, but it probably doesn't matter since I don't know you well enough for you to trust my opinion on this.

    Heavy alcohol use is bad for the brain and can damage it in certain ways.
    Along with your concussions, this is even worse.

    I think that both of those stem from your Autism.
    Your Autism isn't that bad. You may have had to visit a speech pathologist but many autistic people take years to learn how to speak.

    If I were you, I'd do everything I can to kick alcohol, and talk to people as much as possible despite your anxiety. You have to push as hard as you can against it to defeat it.
    We can only ever fight to improve ourselves, and that's what makes life worth living. I'm learning that for myself as well at 21. To overcome addictions (to porn, games, alcohol, etc.) you need something to do. Find some place and some people that value you, help out new players on here, whatever. Keep doing and improving.

    If anyone hates you, it's on them.

    I'm proud of you for taking a step and writing this.
     
  14. Yehh i havnt had a actul drink since march 28 last year. I relapsed on april 10 coz i didnt know it counted when it was in food. But it triggered me and now im iaving to start again. Not easy but ik i will lose every single penny in my bank acc if i give in and buy even just 1 bottle. You can tell me all the stuff if you want. Will take ages to read but i will do it coz i wanna try fix me more to
     
    Muschi and Kefo like this.
  15. Was brave telling the truth. Honestly, some of the things you said here kind of triggered me because it reminds me of a person I used to know which does add a bit of discomfort around you but I don't dislike you. I don't think anyone would have any actual reason to hate you. I'm glad you're doing better and things can only get easier for you as you keep living honestly
     
  16. Oh. Wad i say bad. Can try think of different words for it
     
  17. Still dont know how to tdlr it. Took like 1 month just to even write what i did. Couldnt figure out how to make it less words
     
  18. Congrats on sobriety
     
    Carrie and Muschi like this.
  19. Dont know what that word says but thanks?