So... I was working one day and was discussing with the ladies in reception whether a bra was good for your back or bad. I said it would probably depend on size. I am small... pretty much everywhere.. including there... so, I said “I don’t think I’d have to worry about too much back pain. I’m maybe rockin a quarter pound.” The reception ladies put “Whopper Jr.” on all of my paperwork from that day forward.
Then once my daughter and I were heading to the grocery store while listening to the radio. She was very young at the time. Maybe 5. Chris Daughtry’s It’s Not Over was playing on the radio. She tilts her head and says “Mom, that sounds like Justin Bieber” Now, Daughtry isn’t my cup of tea being a rocker/metal head but, by my musical standards, he blows Bieber out of the water. I said, “No... This is Chris Daughtry. He’s kind of a soft rock type. Justin Bieber is.... um...” As I pondered my answer she quickly piped in with excitement, “A GIRL?” “Yes. Exactly.” That moment... that proud moment when you know you’re momming right.
So you might have heard this but I’ll tell it anyways ... 3 tomatoes are walking down the street, papa tomato momma tomato and baby tomato. But the baby tomato starts lagging behind so the papa tomato gets really angry and goes back and squishes the baby tomato and says “catchahp”
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye
Pirate walks in a bar .. Someone asks how'd ya get the peg leg.. Pirate replies: damned enemy cannon ball. Then he asks about hook hand.. Pirate replies lost it in a sword duel. Further asks how they acquired the eyepatch. Pirate replies... Seagull shìt in my eye, First day with the hook.