Ooh it's been a while since I've written anything ? so hopefully this won't be too dreadful *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* Intro I've always thought about what death would be like. Would it just be dreamless sleep? Maybe like a dream? Or perhaps I'd be on a different plane altogether, spending the rest of eternity with other spirits. Whatever the case was, I didn't think it'd turn out like this. Date with Death I was on the ground, my hand feebly placing pressure on my abdomen. He was just a kid, maybe 13, and he didn't know any better. Tried to take my money, but when I was stronger than he thought, his hand went to his pocket and pulled out a knife. I remember feeling shocked when I felt him stab me in the side. Then pain, immense pain, and a tiny river of blood beginning to flow down my body. It seeped through my shirt and I fell to the ground as he ran away, afraid. He didn't even take my purse, poor kid was so scared of what he had just done. I was taking what I thought were my last breaths. They were shallow, and the ache I felt was slowly going away when she came. She was beautiful. Tall, with black eyes and long, flowing hair. Her olive skin seemed to have a slight glow to it and she hovered over me in the darkness. "Today is your lucky day! Well, I say lucky but most people don't find it as lucky as I do." She spoke with a grin and pulled a miniature scythe from her hand. "I don't need the full size one today." She took it and sliced through her hand, drawing a black substance which looked thicker than blood. She placed her hand over my cut and as she did so a searing pain traveled through my body. I tried to scream but nothing could find its way out of my throat. "That's just temporary sweetie. It'll be over soon. When you wake up, try to get yourself home and clean yourself up. If you need me, just call me!" She vanished in a cloud of black feathers and a single black ribbon fell as my eyes began to shut. ~ When I woke up it felt like I was being burned. I opened my eyes and had to quickly cover them from the sun. It was blaring down on my body and felt like a torch. I glanced down and noticed that my stab wound had completely healed, save for a small scar. I stood up and remembered what had happened the night before, and wondered if she had just been a figment of my imagination. The black ribbon on the ground however, told me otherwise. "Darcy Death! (126)-796-0016 ext. 489" I dug through my purse to find my phone and dialed the number. "I wanna talk." "Oh Alice! That was fast! You must be very strong. I can see you tonight at 7. Your apartment, of course. It's a date!" And just like that, I had a date. With death. *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* Let me know what ya think ?
I feel like you have creative ideas but they're all over the place. Maybe try not rushing it and maybe add some more realistic dialogue. Like I'd be freaking the hell out, not like "I wanna talk." Lol
» I agree with the creative ideas, but personally I don't think they're all over the place. » With regards to it being rushed, I felt it was perfectly timed with the writing as it was short and sweet, intriguing curiosity and imagination as an opening chapter. » Maybe that's just how the character is; relatively calm in situations where others would freak out over the smallest things. It also shows the character is clear cut and straight to the point. Good job so far sweet
An update *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* I walked back to my apartment carefully, making sure no one saw the blood on my clothes. I didn't live in the best neighborhood, so thankfully most people kept to themselves and I wasn't bothered. As soon as I was home I made my way to the bathroom and began to disrobe. I was shocked to see that my skin had paled considerably from when I had woken up. Gone was my tan skin; it was as though I was now covered in a white sheet. My hair had also become a very light blonde, and the blue dye I had in it was now blindingly bright. I looked at my eyes trying to find some sort of sign. Bloodshot? No. Red? Also no. Changing color? Thankfully no. Next were my teeth. Yellowed? Still as white as ever. Fangs maybe? My canines were always a bit pointy, but everything remained the same. I didn't have a thirst for blood, nor an insatiable hunger for brains, so I crossed off the possibilities of being a vampire or zombie. But the question remained, what the hell was I? I should've died, but she, Darcy, had saved me somehow. If you call whatever this is being saved. I turned on the water and waited for it to warm up before stepping into the shower. Even though the water was a reasonable temperature, it burned my skin. I completely shut off the hot water and to my relief, I immediately felt better. I turned off the water and got out of the shower, grabbing the towel I had hanging for me. I dried myself off and went to go change. After throwing on some pajamas despite it being not even noon, I flopped onto my bed. I hadn't really thought about what had happened seriously until now. I was going to die, but then I was saved. Except I wasn't alive anymore, technically. My pulse was nearly gone, and I realized I barely needed to breathe. Instead of the function coming naturally, I had to remember to take a breathe every now and again. My life was definitely different, but for all knew, maybe this would be a good thing.