Free Stuff

My life.
The end...

 

Save yourself the trouble of having to read stories and just send the items my way  kthx noob

 

You want to leave?

 

I put two chicken breasts in my bum hole, but I had the runs that day, they both fired out of my ass and bust a hole in the floor


Could say I ran like a headless chicken after that.

 

Cuz I'm a noob m8 so I get the special privilege of callin others noob, my noob. 

 

So a couple years ago we had an end of the year party thing (ahh high school)
I brought uncooked hashbrowns.
Someone brought a lil grill and we made food, but we didn't finish it all.
The hashbrowns container is this apple shaped metal thing with a screw-on- top and a handle on the top. So I was holding this from the top omw to class like the naïve kid I was.
Well apparently I didn't screw the lid on tight enough, because half way there my container busted open. The bottom part just fell and I was left holding the lid.
And now there's a pile of white, uncooked potato bits in the middle of the hallway
I tried to pick up the container, and this cute guy from my class tried to help me.
Embarrassed af, I blasted and left the pile of hashbrowns on the floor.
It was there for a couple of days. Just rotting until the janitors decided to clean it up.

That's basically my life story.

epilogue: the container has never been used since... And I no longer transport shredded potatoes. I also got stuck in a group project with cute guy the next year.

 

Alrighty, here we go..

I was in 9th grade and in English class. I was extremely quiet and didn't like to bring attention to myself. I was socially awkward and kinda chubby so people didn't wanna talk to me anyways ? ANYWHO!

One day I was doing this assignment in class, got done early and went to stand up to go bring it to my teacher....BAM! I somehow caught my pant leg under my shoe causing myself to fall down in a spilt. Mind you the entire class was silent cause we were doing our work..as soon as that happened every kid in that room started dying and I literally skipped the next three days cause F that.

The end.

 

I used to work at a smoothie place and handed this old lady her smoothie. She takes one drink and throws it at me. So standing there covered in frozen slushy fruit, she demands I make another one. I tell her I will and go to turn around and slip in the ice on the ground. So I'm now in my butt that's covered in smoothie and the old lady looks at me and again.... asks where her smoothie is. So I stand up and make a second smoothie. This is wear it goes from embarrassing to just sad. She takes a drink and throws her smoothie at me. So I start yelling at this old lady and telling her to leave when my manager walks in to the lobby and fired me for hostility. Fml. This was like last month 

 

FTW tbh ?

 

I once had a nosebleed in my class. Then, I really had to go pee. Then I peed my pants in front of the whole class.

 

Sounds fake tbh. Coulda pressed charges against the old lady for assault, could sue your boss for firing you for defending yourself against an assailant.

 

Just gimme your items, ty. ? <3

 

So a couple buddies of mine came over for a guys night and we were all out to have a good time and whatever so we did. About halfway through the night the 4 of us wanted to head out back to get in the boat. It's a lake house in the forest with the trees a good distance away from the lake. So we decided yes we'll all go take the boat out to have a little more fun. Some of the guys don't remember the night (I think out of embarrassment) anyways. So about 4hrs later mind you it's the wee hours of the morning now so I'm cold and coming back into a deeper realization again.. and now I see what exactly went down.. the 4 of us had all forgotten to untie the boat. So there we are in the boat about 10feet from where the trip started earlier that night..

 

Well.. I'm in the Israeli army and I messed up one day ?
My fellow soldier called me when I was outside of the office and told me that the commander askes to fetch him a green tea and that I gotta bring it for him .. it made me mad and I told her "does he want a cookie next to it or a gourmet?"
Suddenly I hear the commander's angry voice "no, there's no need for a cookie" lol I got hella scared!
When I came back to the office I told myself "I should try to laugh it off and make it seems like I was joking or something".
When I gave him his green tea I told him "sorry the cookies ran out, next time!".
He looked at me like I was an alien lol!
He was shocked and didn't understand what the hell I talked about.
Afterwards I found out that the guy who spoke with me on my fellow soldier's phone wasn't my commander.. it was another soldier who ran a joke on me and made himself sound like the commander to prank me lol.
I'll get my revenge on him and it will be a sweet revenge when he won't see it coming ??

Ps: I'll punish my fellow soldier too since she was a part of it and put me on speaker 

 

In my school u was telling a joke on my principal and my classmates were not laughing ... I became angry and told a 18 joke on my principal and his wife .. my classmates still didn't laugh ... when I angrily went to sit on my seat I saw my principal standing there and then I understood why they weren't laughing....
I was expelled for 2 days too

 

I once farted in my class while fighting with another dude and blamed it on him as he was fat