Other stories by me: Karma Series Karma; Rewrite Karma; Side stories Karma* Others Longplayer Contest Entry R1 (Euphoria) Story 1: The Last Will and Testament of Cyril Carter Beyond the Pages * Old and outdated [/i] A/N– Yes, I've chosen to completely ignore all of my other stories and start yet another. This one actually started as a literal dream from about a year ago and I've been writing a paragraph or so every other month when I got extremely bored. After I bit, I became quite fond of the characters, as they were fashioned after some people I've met in my life. Some not so great, but still very life-like. At least I hope. Two of my goals with this story is to portray the Narrator's low self-esteem as I felt it and Stella's pedestal of unearned glory. I've also switched genres and aimed for a much, much less narcissistic POV (especially since I'm used to writing the POV of ever-so-self-centered Silence of Karma.) I hope you are able to point out these things (if they're not strong enough in the first place) and find the story, as a whole, connectable, and/or at least enjoyable. [ [/i] Also, sorry for any BB coding fails cause there's probably a lot ℍoω ɬo ʄℓץ Chapter 1: Loner Stella stood across the rocky shore of the lake from me, delicately balancing her feet on two small, low rocks, barely touching the ice cold water below. She threw her arms up into the air and leaned forward. The skirt of her white sundress danced in the wind, flickering with every gust. Her coarse, sandy blonde hair flew with it. It was almost like she was flying. "Ah, I feel so alive!" She let out a cry of joy. I smiled as I stood behind her, pulling a loose lock of dark hair behind my ear. Yes, today would be a day to never forget. Today was the birthday of Girl Scout Troup 967, and as a coronation, the four girls that recently joined had to spend two days completely isolated from humanity. So, basically camping. The food, water, tents and bedding were already provided so we had time out here to do whatever we wished. For Stella, of course, that wish was standing on the shore of a lake remotely close to our camping spot. At that time, I had been Stella's lapdog of a best friend. I followed her everywhere, listened to her long rants when she needed to vent, I even signed up for the same lame activities just to be with her. I was happy though. Or so I thought. Stella was one of those people who people just loved to be with. She enchanted them. She made them feel special. Including me. "Let's collect some rocks," She decided out of the blue. She turned around and scooped a medium-sized rock out of the water. "Uh, sure," I took a step forward, off the moist grass and onto the rock. It was no wonder someone like her would want to collect the rocks here. They were an odd color for a lake; white. All of the rocks were a crystalline white color. The color that made everything it graced appear to be glowing. Especially under a full moon like we were. It was kind of rock you'd expect to find in a cave, not a lake shore. The only thing that disturbed the shore's natural radiance was the narrow, concrete bridge that hung above our heads, that rang with a terrible noise whenever a car passed by. But that solemnly happened, since the road it was built on was not a highway and was nearing the point of abandonment itself. I surveyed the rocks before picking out a smaller crystalline rock near the beach's end. I hurried over to it and picked it up before dropping it in surprise. "Hey Stella!" The other Girl Scout members approached, the one nearest to us was waving her hand in the air. I started to wave back, then turned my hand to pick the rock back up to hide my greeting. Stella already began hers. "Hi guys!" Stella looked back, baring the weight of many rocks in her arms. She smiled out brilliantly to them. I stood unnoticed as I caressed the pocket-sized rock in my hand. The smooth texture was dazzling. Every crease in the rock was sanded down to add to the rock's pleasing texture. I ran my fingers across every inch of the surface until I noticed a disturbance in the stone. I examined it more carefully only to find a minuscular etching carved into the rock. I formed the crude markings into letters. Fly. What an odd thing to carve into a rock. I furrowed my eyebrows and rubbed the lettering, trying to wipe it off. Why would anyone want to write on a perfectly beautiful rock? I shoved the rock in my skort pocket glumly. I had already claimed it, imperfect or not. When I looked up, the other girl scouts were walking away, arm-in-arm. Stella was leading the bunch, making jokes to make everyone else laugh simultaneously. The sounds of the others' laughter echoed back to me. "Wait for me!" I announced more to myself than to them. I proceeded to break into a jog toward the girls. "Hi guys," I had to declare my presence with a grin. I knew I couldn't be selfish and expect them to idolize me like they did Stella, but they could've at least treated me as a friend. Much to my anticipation, no one bothered to acknowledge my presence except Stella. She gave me a quick smile before turning back to converse with the others. I followed the group, my head lowered. I listened into the conversation half-heartedly. I mostly drifted off into a daydream, following the beaming orange-red of Koy's hair. Koy was another Girl Scout of Troup 967. Her outgoing personality defined her as Stella's actual best friend. The one she actually seemed to enjoy, however. I'd like to say I was not jealous of her, but I really was. I liked when I was alone with Stella the most. That way, she paid all of her enchanting attention to boring, plain old me. Koy was obviously more engaging than I. Koy had all the things I lack and what Stella made greater— a sense of humor, a perfectly structured face and the audacity to stand out to Stella herself. I myself enjoyed her company, but with both her and Stella, I often fell into a depressive state known as the third wheel. No matter how fun I tried to be, no matter how interesting I tried to act, I would always be the one that's always following. Never leading like Stella. Never accompanying like Koy. Not even directing like Lilly. Just following behind silently, encouraging the leaders along, getting buried in their glory in the process. Sometimes I could bare it, even tell myself I was happy and didn't need someone who devoted all their attention to me. Other times, I felt like crying, cursing Koy and the rest for taking my dear Stella away. It was a bitter roller coaster that was pitiful in both it's highs and lows. "Hey girl," Someone drew me out of my daze. I turned to spot Maddy. Maddy was nice. Like me, she didn't stand out. She seemed so contempt with it, though. Either that, or she was super shy and able to maintain a naive smile throughout her life. We weren't necessarily friends, but we talked from time to cure each other's loneliness. "Hi," I mumbled, trying to drag myself out of the low spirits of the moment before. "What's up?" She asked, strolling along beside me. I had fallen slightly behind the rest in my daze, so it surprised me that Maddy would go out of her way to talk to me. "Not much," I decided on. Nothing special ever happened with me on my own. Everything special I was ever involved in had to do with Stella. "Same," Maddy sighed. It seemed to be the same with her. We didn't have to keep up the awkward, pointless conversation because we were approaching camp. Or at least I thought so because Lilly, the troop leader, was standing in the middle of the crude nature-made path. She held a large, clear bag filled with hotdog buns in her arms. "So that's where everyone went off to," She chuckled, annunciating so we could hear her from the distance. "Sorry, Lilly!" Stella chuckled back, making up an excuse, "I was going to tell you, but I couldn't find you!" Lilly just waved us over as we picked up our pace to reach her. It was nice having a kind, young troop leader. Lilly barely stood out among the rest of us. Of course, that was partially due to the fact that we were quite old to run about acting girl scout. Most girls quit when they entered middle school, but Stella decided it was a good idea to pick it up in the middle of high school. Not that I had a problem with that, it was more time with Stella and less time living like I'm dead. Which was my main hobby away from Girl Scouts. I reached Lilly last, not bothering to pick up my pace like the others. I had already lost Maddy to the excited swarm of overaged girl scouts, chattering in wait for their meal. I wasn't really in any hurry– with the girls' pushing and shoving, I'd get my food last anyway. Not that I really minded, of course. I didn't really need to mind much of anything. And so, I simply took my seat under a nearby tree in wait. I watched Stella at the head of the pack. Even from so far away and directed toward someone else, her smile was as radiant as ever. I crookedly smiled back in spite of myself. Soon enough, all of the girls had collected their dishes and had gathered somewhere off in the distance. I, on the other hand, forced myself from my spot and waddled up to Lilly, who had just began to pack away the evening's dinner supplies. "Excuse me," I said almost under my breath, careful not to look Lilly in the eyes. Careful not to bother her, but giving just enough to make my presence known. "Yeah?" She asked, slightly annoyed. A bit confused. "I haven't gotten served yet..." I let my words trail off, wondering if I had picked the best word choice for announcing my circumstance. "Oh, of course!" Her mood lightened and handed me a ziplock bag containing a hotdog and a bottle of water, "Here ya go." I thanked her briefly before making my way over to Stella and the other girls. I sat nest to Maddy on a large rock, I vaguely listened to the conversation, nodding when appropriate. It was mostly about Stella's problems with her mother. Not that she's mean at all– the times I've met her, she was quite kind. But Stella certainly made it seem so, with detailed and biased explanations of past arguments with her Before long, night began to take over the skies and I realized that I had barely touched my meal. Not really caring all too much, I simply tossed it all into a small garbage can by the tent that Lilly had set up during the long course of the day. Stella and the others, of course, were already inside the tent. Conversation still flowed from each of the girls' mouths as the topic changed. Stella's mom, Koy's little brother, friends, relationships, pregnancies. Gossip. I didn't really mind gossip at all, to tell the truth. It made me feel involved. A part of a secret that only a select group of people knew. A connection. A bond. The conversation dwindled a bit after midnight— Koy had already fallen asleep by then and Lilly had ran out of her own Girl Scouting adventure stories. I actually quite enjoyed them, to be perfectly honest. I could use an adventure. And so, we all eventually tucked ourselves into our respective sleeping bags and fell asleep. But not me. I stayed awake, through the constant snoring and the ruffling of cloth against cloth as one of the girls attempted to get comfortable. Another day done and over with. Soon my loneliness would get better. But not today.
It's pretty nice. A little exaggerated though, I don't know if you were going for that, but everyone seems more like a character than a person. But beside that, you can of course do so for stylistic effect, in which case that's fine. Otherwise, I have no complaint.
I really like this story, like genuinely. It's not really exaggerated, more of real feeling. It's realistic of how one feels. I can't wait for the next update and to see where this goes.
Oh I'm sorry I didn't see the note. Well. My comment still stands, it feels very dreamlike, and as far as real life low self esteem, goes yes I guess it is just seeing everyone as like perfect and you just being terrible. But I feel like, and this is just me, if this is a real person, then they are very whiny and indeed very boring, almost narcissistic in how much they whine and brood. Like there's not much characterization of them other than them complaining about how boring they are and how average they are and how no one pays attention except for that one girl but she's not cool enough, only those girls are special and I just want to be those girls gosh how my life is terrible. But maybe I'm just reading too much into it. Good luck story telling.
I can see where you're coming from with that and it's a different feeling for me. But you are absolutely right, it does seem if the other characters 'perfectness' is a big exaggerated. The main character, seems less than ordinary and even crazily envious of the girls. This isn't is being rude, just a little advice and criticism!
Thanks for all the criticism, guys this is honestly the most I've gotte on a single post and I'm almost proud But yes, as you guys have said, the narrator is far below ordinary and is intentionally and irrationally nothing more than pathetic. She holds other "special" people up on a pedistal. As if hypocritical, she is also an attention-seeker and desires more than anything else attention, even though she insists these "special" people are, by natural selection, better than her. And sorry if it's exaggerated further than that I like to experiment with how things filter through different mind sets and it's something I have yet to master
This story--the way you've don't the setting and characters-- does feel a bit dreamy, this might sound a bit crazy of me but I could imagine this as an anime! ? Also what Quinny said, times a thousand.
I can relate to this so much. Being a girl scout, having that one friend that made you feel like something, and being that boring person. The irony of it is that I hate lables, yet I wanted to be that somewhat perky person or someone that people won't feel uncomfortable around. ( and basically asking if your mad or not feeling OK)