So, I'm sorry, actually. I'm sorry for being so darn confused all the time, I guess. I never have a clue what's going on, even when people explain it to me. Things like math, literature, and other subjects in school come to me like common knowledge, but when it comes to what's going on in people around me's lives, people that I know, love, and care about, it's as if I am either refused the truth or denied understanding. When it's explained to me, I don't understand. When there's drama, I don't understand. When I do understand, there's no way of fixing it if neither party admits the truth. Maybe I'm just salty over the fact that I never understand things. Maybe I'm just upset that I can't help everyone, no matter how much they matter to me. I can help my brother, that matters, but with any of my friends...? I feel like I can't help any of them. What I have to offer is useless... I'm always having to depend on others because I'm so incompetent. And some of it is that the money is the root of all evil, it seems. I have a house, clothes, food, and an internet connection. The basics. That's all I need, anyway, but sometimes, being a high school student, I feel incompetent always having to get rides from people because I can't afford a car. Always having to ask to borrow some money when we're out and we come across lunchtime because my wallet's empty and it wasn't as if I was going to go all the way home and cook my Ramen noodles. I don't know, I just felt like getting this dumb rsnt about me feeling like crap out of my system. Sorry for your brain cells if you actually read all this. - Oliver
yeah its long. Don't bother reading if you don't want to. Not important, just something I wanted to get out, I guess
But I don't wanna go and buy matches although I guess I could burn it via stove gas buuuut that'd be too scary But the writing a letter and maybe just throwing it away would be good, yeah. Thanks for the idea. ?
well then... like brah sometimes you just wanna take a bath with a plugged in toaster but naaah feelings lyke that are useless af Free load on a free meal whenever you get tha chance ?
A journal to help document your thoughts helps too. When you look back on it you can see what's changed and how you've grown.
I do that and I just laugh at how emo I was in years past and then look at myself now and go... oh. I'm still crap
Find a way to make money, read a book called "Good to Great" by Jim Collins. In affluent schools, it is easy to make money, sell candy. As schools turn to "healthier" alternatives, the demand for candy in schools goes up while the price in the overall market does not. You can easily make $25-$50 a day doing this which is more than enough to buy lunch. Thanks for reading this, lol. Good luck.
TL;DR Oliver thinks he feels normal and he has all his basic needs but he feels there is something missing.
Oliver. You're actually just like everyone else. Forget about the stuff you can't change. If you feel bad for asking for favors and things offer to help the people who help you in some way. You re amazing at school maybe tutor of give homework help. Also, you're a teenager. We happen to just have a lot of feelings. Like a lot. And they're weird, and don't make sense. And yes a lot of us emo and weirdly existential, but the majority of our problems will pale in comparison to the stuff we'll over come in the future. So don't get down on yourself, stay in school, and don't do the drugs. Seriously. Don't it.