The Numbers

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by lurk5, Aug 25, 2015.

  1. This is a story that I decided to try and create. I made this around 3:00 AM so I am very tired and I was not writing at my best. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Thank you. This is also just like a introduction. I might not continue creating this. Anyway, please enjoy.

    (Even though this takes place in Japan I'm still going to has them speak in English just so you understand it. I also don't really know the geography or traditions of Japan that well so I am sorry if I didn't make the setting well or made their names correctly. I'm bad at making names so this was hard. I might do some research on Japan.)

    CHAPTER 1

    The numbers. That's how it all started. My curiosity got the better of me. I still don't know if what I went through was real. Maybe just a dream. Maybe this entire world is a dream that we can't wake up from! I don't know... Let me take you back.

    ~

    "Hello. I'm Layla Rose. I'm from America and I hope to make friends with everyone. My Japanese isn't all that well. I hope you understand." I said. As you can see, I'm from America and I just moved over to Japan and now I'm attending Sakura High. I'm kind of a shy person. I have light brown hair that reaches down to the middle of my torso with side swept bangs at the left of my face. I have a petite figure and brown eyes. I am 14 years old.

    "Welcome to Sakura High, Layla. You can take a seat next to Asuka Hayashi over there." Said Miss Akiyama. I saw a girl raise her hand. She had short black hair in a bob cut and blue eyes.'Guess that's her.' I thought as I walked to the empty desk near her. "Now, continuing on..."

    After school I walked out of the building. The exit/entrance had a path with Sakura trees at the sides. 'Whats with all the Sakura trees? Not that I'm complaining or anything, they are really pretty.' I thought to myself. I continued walking until I heard a loud yell. "LAYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~" I know that voice from anywhere. My best friend also from America, Lauren. She's a total extrovert which I find weird. Oh well, I guess opposites do attract. Lauren has brown hair that's always tied in a ponytail that reaches her shoulder with no bangs and hazel eyes and is 15. She slung a arm around me neck while standing beside me. "How's Japan?" Lauren asked with a huge grin on her face. "Its amazing yet confusing. All the traditions are new here." I replied with a shy smile on my face. "You get used to it." Lauren moved to Japan 2 years before me and then I was allowed to follow her. I-I'm not a stalker of anything. Just putting it out there.

    We walked around Japan as Lauren showed me around. While doing so we bumped up into someone. "Oh, hey Kuroda." Said Lauren. The person named Kuroda turned around. She had short dark red hair with bangs partially covering her left eye and brown eyes and around the age of 12. She looked like a intimidating yet lazy person. But what I noted was what looked like a tatto of the number '7' in black on the back of her left hand. I didn't really ask about it and just shrugged it off. "Oh hey." Kuroda replied with no emotion or excitement in her voice whats-so-ever. "What brings you here?" Asked Lauren. Kuroda just shurgged. 'Whats with this person? It's like she has no motivation.'

    My train of thoughts were interrupted when a vending machine flew and hit Kuroda. "Wha- What? Wait. Hold on. Huh?" I was at a loss for words as my brain tried to prosses what just happened. And then she got up as if nothing happened! "Oh boy..." Said Lauren. I looked to where the vending machine came from and saw a boy with short yellow hair around the age of 17 with green eyes filled with rage. "KURODAAAAAA!" He yelled. "Well. I have to go." Kuroda then took off.

    What catches my eye as well was the number '8' on the back of the blond's left hand.

    ~

    All throughout school the next day I couldn't think straight. I was still trying to grasp on what happened that day. A vending machine being thrown? That's not possible. I kept pondering about it and more than a few times the teacher finally called out to me. What I also thought about was the numbers. Why did they both have them? Oh well... Maybe I can ask about it later. And I did, online.

    -LAYLA2614 ENTERED THE CHAT ROOM-

    LAYLA2614:Hey

    76FIREKNIGHT67: Hey Layla!

    NEKOKITTENPOWA: LAYLAAAAA~

    I got used to people saying my name like that. But I will never get used to that girls username. If she is female, anyway.

    Jason1234321: Long time no see

    At least someone here has a normal username.

    76FIREKNIGHT67'SSTALKER: Yo.

    76FIREKNIGHT67: I TOLD YOU TO CHANGE YOUR USERNAME!

    76FIREKNIGHT67'SSTALKER: Yeah yeah we all have things we want.

    NEKOKITTENPOWA: Hahahahahahahahaha

    Jason1234321: Sigh

    Jason1234321: Anyway. How is Japan so far?

    NEKOKITTENPOWA: Yea how is it? Tell me!

    LAYLA2641: It's doing good so far. But I experienced something really weird.

    76FIREKNIGHT67: What happened?

    NEKOKITTENPOWA: Tell us tell us!

    LAYLA2641: You guys live in Japan right? You should know about it. After school when I was walking with my friend we encountered someone. She was pretty weird and she had the number '7' on the back of her left hand. Then, all of a sudden a vending machine came out of nowhere and hit her. And then she got up as if nothing happened! Then another weirdo showed up who threw the machine. He had the number '8' on the back of his left hand! After that the girl ran off with the boy chasing soon after her. My friend wouldent tell me anything. Do you know anything about this?

    NEKOKITTENPOWA: ...

    76FIREKNIGHT67: ...

    76FIREKNIGHT67'SSTALKER: ...

    LAYLA2641: Guys?

    LAYLA2641: Hello?

    -NEKOKITTENPOWA HAS LEFT THE CHATROOM-

    -76FIREKNIGHT67 HAS LEFT THE CHAT ROOM-

    LAYLA2641: Guys!

    -76FUREKNIGHT'STAKKER HAS LEFT THE CHAT ROOM-

    LAYLA2641: Jason! Don't leave! What's wrong?!?

    LAGLA2641: Please!

    LALYA2641: Tell me!

    JASON1234321: ...

    JASON1234321: Just forget everything that you saw. Ok?

    -JASON1234321 HAS LEFT THE CHATROOM-
     
  2. Love it. I like the suspense building up in the characters!
    Bump
     
  3. Chapter 2

    Layla Rose's POV

    Lauren finished showing me around the general area. She told me about the locals and everything. Lauren also told me about that blond man. Apparently his name is Hachirou and he has anger issues. I already figured out that part. About a week has passed and that incident seemed like it was long ago. I was becoming used to this town. I was scared because I never lived or really seen the city life. But from pictures it kind of seemed intimidating. But now that I'm here I like it to be honest.

    I was on my way to shop for groceries. I lived in a small but normal apartment. As long as it is stable and it works I'm
    fine with it. On with the story... I saw another number. Ever since that day I developed a habit of looking at people's hands and I finally spotted one!

    She had the number '3' at the same spot as everyone else. The back of the right hand. I looked and saw that she had orange and blonde hair and a pikachu-styled hoodie that was pulled over her head with black jeans. But I could see that she had brown eyes and around the age of... 17? 18? I dunno. But before I knew it I started following her. I didn't realize it until she turned around and asked "why are you following me?"

    "Oh uh... I'm sorry I spaced out and I seemingly started to follow you. I'm sorry!" I managed to get a few words out before bowing and taking off from where I came from. At least it was part of the truth. 'Now I'm lost. That's great.' I looked behind me and saw that she was walking the opposite direction of me and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. 'Thank god. But now probably thinks I'm some sort of weirdo or stalker! Oh no!' I started walking but looking around for a familiar place to get home. It was getting dark and I begun to get scared.

    It turns out that my worries turned into terrors. Before I knew it a hand
    covered my mouth and I was being pulled back. I let out muffled screams and even cursed and I waves my limbs around wildly trying to break free. Suddenly, a fist met my face and I was knocked out.

    I woke in a car and looked at my surroundings. It seemed
    I was in the back and there were 2 shady people sitting near me. I looked out the window and saw the blurs streetlights. I felt terror rise up inside of me 'Im going to die! What are they going to do! Calm down, Layla. You will get thr- No I won't get through it! Oh man oh man oh man oh man!' I
    pretended to be still knocked out as a war begun in my head.

    The car stopped and I heard the back door being opened and the people around me must have gotten out and then the door closed. I took the time to look at my surroundings. Apparently we were in some sort of parking space. I could see a roof above me so maybe this is where they stay? Am I in a building? I dunno. I started to breathe quickly and started to have a panic attack. I then couldn't breathe and started sweating. I was crying silently and trying to regain breathing control. But it was no use tears kept coming out and my breath was stuck as well.

    I was started to lose hope and saw the door open "Hey, she's awake now." One of the kidnappers said "Oh yeah she is." Responded another. My world started to crash around me. Now they knew I was awake. 'Hah. Not like it would matter. I'm pretty much dead anyway. No. Keep hope. Someone might come, right? It's no use.' I started to cry. "Oh look. She's crying" they started to laugh.

    My pleads must have been heard because next thing I knew it one of the guys looked like they were being tazered. The guy fell and I saw her. The girl I was following! "Hey you! I don't know what your doin-" The man was cut off as the girl simply poked him and he too had the same reaction as the other guy. There was one man left standing. He looked like the ringleader. "Why... You (Censored. Sorry for language)" He yelled! The ringleader pulled out a knife and lunged at the girl. The pikachu girl grabbed the man's hand and as simple as that she broke his wrist and a 'snap' echoed throughout the place. The leader stumbled back and held his hand holding back tears. "Oh come on. Cry. No use in holding it back." Teased the savior with a innocent-looking smile. But I saw through it. The girl grabbed the man's wrist again and suddenly they were both surrender by what looked like lightning and the man was shocked and lying on the ground. The girl turned around and gave me a reassuring smiled at me before untying my hands and legs. She then turned around and started to leave.

    "W-Wait!" I yelled after her. She turned around. "T-Thank you. What's your name?" I asked. "It's Aki." She awnsered before turning around and
    waving at me with her right hand. The number '3' seen on the back.

    ~

    After that I found I was yet in another unfamiliar area. I was walking around but then I bumped into what's her name? Kuroda? "Oh hello. Sorry." I apologized. "It's ok." Kuroda responded in the same emotionless voice. "Umm. You seem like you know this place. Could you help me?" I asked politely. Kuroda started at me for what seemed like forever until she finally awnsered "Sure."

    Strangely enough, I didn't even need to tell her my address. She just started to walk and I followed her in silence and then we were at my apartment. "Thank you." "No problem." She turned around and went to wherever she was going. I headed to my apartment when I started to think 'I wonder where she lives. Or what she does. Does she attend school?' questions buzzed inside my head and then when I was inside I went online into the chat room I shared with my online friends.

    -LAYLA2641 ENTERED THE CHATROOM-

    LAYLA2641: Hello.

    NEKOKITTENPOWA: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~

    76FIREKNIGHT67: Yo.

    PIKACHUUUUU: Hey Layla. I changed my username back.

    76FIREKNIGHT67: Finally.

    Jason1234321: Hello.

    LAUREN2641:What's up?

    LAYLA2641: Hi Lauren. You weren't online yesterday at all

    LAUREN2641: Sorry. I was busy

    NEKOKITTENPOWA: Your never online! Sometimes I think you don't want to be friends with us anymore ;~;

    LAUREN2641: Hahahaha. Sorry. But I have a life.

    PIKACHUUUUU: Is that supposed to mean something?

    LAUREN2641: No no I wasn't implying that you guys has no life.

    NEKOKITTENPOWA: Then say sorry :mad:

    LAUREN2641: Sorry.

    76FIREKKNIGHT67: Hahahaha

    So, we continued our normal lives and I let the subject of the numbers slip away from my mind once again.
     
  4. You should start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks. Also, try varying your sentence length/structure because most of the sentences are the same length, which can make it sound a little choppy. Good job so far, though! Keep going
     
  5. I don't really like the 2nd chapter and I don't really like the way this story is heading and I am currently having writers block so there will be a delay in the story