Hey there dear readers! This is a new one-shot of mine and yes it will remain a one-shot. Sorry readers. There will be angst as most of my stories are filled with it. You will be tortured with the feeling of wanting to cry but can't because you're not to that point yet. Or you won't. It depends on who you are. Anyways I hope you enjoy it! }*{ She's right in front of you, you're both laughing—it's a great moment. You say something that makes her pretend to pout like a child and you just fall in love all over again. You fight the urge to grab her by the waist and pull her to you so you could just kiss the pout away. She continues to pout and you continue to stare—heart hammering away in your chest. Her smell is intoxicating—invading every single one of your senses and you wish that you could just tell her. Tell her that you love her. Tell her that she means world to you. You walk out of the room after she goes back to help the director. Your heart is still pounding a million miles per minute. You had to get away. If you didn't you wouldn't have been able to stop yourself from kissing her. Your smile is gone—replaced by a frown. It hurts you to know that she doesn't feel the same way. It hurts you to know that she will never feel the same way. The beating of your heart is both pleasant and painful because you know. You know that she doesn't look at you the same way. You know that for her, that look is reserved for him. And for him only. So you tell yourself that you should stop. Stop your feelings from continuing. Stop yourself from falling further. You tell yourself that you'll only end up hurting more. You tell yourself that she doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to hurt. You tell yourself to not tell her. Because in the end you're both going to come out hurt. In the end no matter how much the both of you will try, your friendship will never be the same again. No matter what, you're still going to be broken and she will still end up with him. You tell yourself to stop. But you can't. And that just breaks you all over again. Your friends encourage you to just tell her but you shake your head and you tell them that if you tell her that means that you want to date her. You tell them that you don't want to date her. They give you weird looks but they never bothered asking you to explain so you never bothered explaining. She deserves better. She deserves someone better than you. She deserves someone who is good enough for her. She deserves someone who won't drag her down with them. She deserves someone who she gives that look to. Someone who can make her smile. Someone who makes her laugh. She deserves someone that she can trust. Someone who can give her a shoulder to cry on. Someone who knows what her needs are without her even telling them. She deserves someone that can make her happy. And that can never be you. You're not good enough. When you first met her she was having a bad day and you were the unlucky new kid that had to endure her wrath. It wasn't really wrath—that's just an exaggeration. You were sitting in her seat—it was obvious that she was unhappy when you asked her if it was her seat. You quickly grabbed your things and moved to the back but she had left an impression and your heart was telling you exactly that. When you first met her, you knew. You knew that you were going to be in trouble. You knew that if given the chance you would fall for her. And you have. You've fallen down the rabbit hole and unlike Alice, you're stuck. You're doomed to stay there. Doomed to forever be a part of her wonderland. You know that it will never become anything more than friendship. You know it's a lost cause. You know it will never happen. So you take a breath and suck it up and continue to be your friend because she deserves better. She deserves a friend who just wants to be her friend and not have ulterior motives. So no you don't want to date her because she deserves better. Before her your life was dark—it's still dark but around her there's light. It started out dim but as time passed it became brighter and bigger just as your feelings for her grew. She pulled you out of your broken state—you owe her everything. You're no stranger to heartbreak—you've experienced it many times before. But this time—this time was different because you actually fell. You were in love but everything was ripped away the moment she found out. The experience had left you in pieces—left you nothing but horrible memories. It made you cautious around everyone—it had left you wary of showing your feelings to others. But Kayla—Kayla picked you up and slowly started gluing the pieces back together. But you knew—from the moment you met her, you knew that if you let yourself fall, it would be worse than the past. That once you fall again, you would hit the ground and shatter into even smaller pieces. But you have to endure the torture of being glued together so you could be broken again. She deserves a friend who is just a friend and you can be that. You can be that friend. So you let out a shaky breath—running your hand through you hair as you get up and head back into the Theater. You greet her with a smile and small wave before sitting down in one of the chairs. For now, you'll pretend everything will be okay. You'll talk. You'll smile. You'll laugh. You'll pretend be happy. And wait for the impact of the cold hard ground. }*{ It was bad I know but I was in the moment and usually I like writing in the moment. Yes the narrator is a girl and she is in love with another girl if you couldn't tell. I hoped you enjoyed it and feel free to leave any comments or constructive criticism~