A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can tell by her name plate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Ms. Whack, I'd like to take out a $30,000 loan, to take a vacation." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief, and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, and his dad is Mick Jagger, and it's ok, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he needs to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure, I have this." and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, only an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused Patty explains that she'll have to discuss this with the bank manager, and slips into the back office. Patty explains the situation then holds up the elephant and continues, "I mean, what in the world is this?!?" The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give a frog a loan. His old mans a Rolling Stone!"
There are 400,000 words in the English language, and seven of them you can't say on PIMD. You don't know the seven don't you? Sh!t, P!ss, Fuc.k, Cun.t, C0ck$ucker, M0therfucker, t!t$... Those are the 1s that'll infect your soul, curve ur spine and keep the club 4rm winning the war. Avery.
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied. The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.' Wall Me If You Think This Is Funny
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied. The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.' Wall Me If You Think This Is Funny
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
Speaking of Taco Bell this really isn't a joke but I thought it was funny. In spanish, a Gordita translates to "Small, fat girl"
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"