Okay. This is something that's so not mainstream I feel comfortable sharing it with a bunch of corporate supporters like you guys. Cold brew coffee. I know it sounds weird, but regular coffee is just so ...overdone and tastes too bitter. It's too mainstream. The media covers that shit, y'know man. All you're going to need is: -Coffee beans (Beans, not ground instant shit. If you grow them yourself, even better. If it's from Starbucks, you suck.); dark brews work best. -Nutmeg (optional) -Water -2 container -A glass -Milk (optional) -Cheese cloth -Some sort of grinder (I like to grind them by hand with an antique sifter/grinder my great great great grandma brought from Poland, but if you don't support immigrants a slapchop works fine) The ratio for this is 1 part bean to every 3 parts water. I generally go 2 cups beans and 6 cups of water. It really depends on how little sleep you get. If you're creative and depressed like me you need a lot of coffee. 1. Grind your beans. MEASURE after you grind. 2. Pour water into a container. I like using a mason jar because it looks rustic and original. 3. Pour beans in AFTER the water. 4. Stick in your fridge for at least 12 hours. I like to go with 14-20. Halfway through, remove the container and add 1 tsp of nutmeg. Stir carefully. 5. (Optional) Here are a few things to do while waiting for your coffee: •write poetry about your ex on a typewriter •cut your pubes with a straight-edge razor •go for a walk and take photos to over edit •wind your pocket watch •take more photos with an antique camera •develop those photos 6. Okay, now that you've waited 12-24 hours you can finally take the container out of the fridge. Take a second container and secure the cloth over it with a rubber band. 7. Pour coffee over the cloth so it catches the beans. 8. Throw away beans. 9. You have successfully made a base for coffee. Now you want to pour it into a suitable drinking glass (aka a smaller mason jar). Remember this is a base. I generally go 2/4 coffee, 1/4 milk, 1/4 water. 10. Enjoy. ---- But seriously guys. I don't really like coffee. It's bitter and gross. Cold brew is different. There is a SCIENCE TO BREWING THE PERFECT CUP OF COFFEE. First of all, there is an enzyme in coffee. When you heat it up the enzyme is lost. But if you make cold brew, it's still present. This makes your coffee taste sweeter. To me it tastes more like caramel than a bitter cup of despair. I would honestly suggest cold brew to everyone. The only downside to this is it HAS to be served cold or it loses the smooth, sweet flavors. Okay, bye.
Instructions unclear, got straight edge razor stuck in scrotum. 0/10 worst guide, not even for Hipsters, it tells me to shave my pubes. Fuck off.
jk I'll give this a shot since I hate coffee. I still hate caffeine though, it over stimulates me and I get fidgety.