Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening as they have done for the past 35 years. Max, the older, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game Ed said to Max, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?" Max replied, "Why ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven't had any problems at all." "Memory school? What memory school?" Max thought for a moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red with thorns? A really pretty flower...?" "A rose?" "Yeah...that's it!" Max turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose! What's the name of that memory school you sent me to? " Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing. Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death. Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta. Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him. Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly. The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?" Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!" A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: You were speeding. Man: No, I wasn't. Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket. Man: But I wasn't speeding. Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.) Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you an idiot? Officer: Yes, you would. Man: What if I just thought that you were? Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think. Man: Fine, I think you're an idiot! Never Mess with Kids : A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. The man turned to him and said, "Let's talk". Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ? Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power? Kid: Very interesting topic. But let me ask u a question... Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps. Why? Man: I don't know. Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you dont know shit.. A King of a Kingdom called his Prime Minister and asked, like there are Brilliant people in his State will there be Idiots available? Minister said there will be. King then ordered his Minister to go around the State search and bring 5 of such Idiots and present to him in the Council. Minister was awestruck since you can identify brilliant people by conducting some form of competition, but how to identify Idiots. However he goes around the State and after a month comes back with 2 such people. There after following is the conversation between King and Minister. King: Dear Minister I think you are poor in counting, I asked for 5 people and you have brought only 2. Minister: Your Highness please let me explain and then you will know yourself. King: OK. Go ahead. Minister: When I was going around the State I found this guy carrying a huge Gunny Bag on his head and travelling in a Bullock Cart. When I asked he said that if he keeps the bag in the Cart it will be overloaded and hurt the Bulls. I realised he is the 5th Idiot and brought him to you. King: Excellent. Next. Minister: I saw the other guy was taking his Buffalo to the roof top of his house for grazing where grass was found grown. I realised he is the 4th Idiot and brought him to you. King: Fine. Next. Minister: When there are so many problems in the functioning of this kingdom, leaving those entire aside I have been going around the State for a month wasting my time in searching for Idiots, hence I am the 3rd Idiot. King: Laughs out loud. Next. Minister: Instead of solving all the problems that are there in the Kingdom, you have been looking for Idiots in your State, hence you are the 2nd Idiot. Hearing this entire Council was scared and there was pin drop silence. King: Fine there is truth in your statement. Who is the 1st Idiot? Minister: Your Highness when there are so much of work in the Office and Home to attend to, leaving all this aside person who is reading this Story to know who is the 1st Idiot in 'PIMD' is the 1st Idiot. Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted." XD XD ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Couldnt tell where one joke started and another stopped. Different posts for different jokes like ikh does with his joke thread works better. Imo Much prefer seeing these threads than the usual crap in forums though. Keep them coming