This is my first story so please don't hate okay. Chapter 1- This is a story about a normal teenage girl named Ashlyn Remington. Ashlyn was 15 and was pretty normal at first, She was a tall beautiful faced, blonde haired, blue eyed, young woman.She had a normal height of 5'6", her blonde hair reached about down to her lower back and was a light yellow color. Her eyes were often complimented on, deep gray and light blue, her mother told her she had the eyes of a husky dog.Which was her favorite dog besides a golden retriever. She was just starting high school in the state of IL (Illinois) and was quite nervous about her classes. Ashlyn thought to her self, "What if I'm late?" she fretted in her mind but a small voice was telling her she would have a great day ahead of her...
Chapter 2 Ashlyn was walking to her homeroom and walked straight into a guy in the hallway, they both fell and the teenage boy stood up and glared at her as he dusted himself.He said, "Who do you think you are running into me like that!" She shook her head and gathered her scattered books while while muttering sorry repeatedly.He sighed and bent down to help Ashlyn pick up her books.When she got a good look at him she realized he was a gorgeous boy, he was tall and had jagged black hair and piercing green eyes and she noticed he had a lip piercing with pale tan skin and a fine muscle tone.He wore a black t shirt and gray jeans that were a slightly torn.The boy noticed her staring and spoke in a calm friendly manner, "Im Aaron whats your name?" She responded shyly, "Im Ashlyn nice to meet you."
Chapter 3 That night Ashlyn was in a terrible nightmare. She was racing through the forest, someone was following her and they meant danger she could sense it.Suddenly a root seemed to snake out of the ground and she stumbled and fell.A bolt of pain like lightning shot through her leg and she realized she must have had twisted her ankle she looking behind her frantically expecting the creature to burst out of the ferns and draping vines but the forest was silent and a distance away she heard an owl calling.Ashlyn woke up and glanced around her modern purple bedroom.'It was just a dream' she says in her mind calmly and she slips out of bed onto her purple fuzz carpet lining her room floor. Curling her toes into the familiar rug she walks to her bathroom and looks in the mirror.Ashlyn stares at the knots in her blonde hair and notices a mark on her arm and pulls back the sleeve of her silk purple bathrobe, she put on that is always hanging on the door, revealing a pale red looking closed scratch about 3 inches from her wrist down.Her blue eyes widen in surprise and she knows she didn't cause this,for she had never cut herself purposely and shrugs off the thought and begins to brush her hair. She could sense in her mind that she would look forward to going to school and seeing the lovely looking boy Aaron again and she sighed dreamily.
The main idea is there, but the sentence is too long to say in one breath. It would of been better if it got broken down a bit and a word was changed slightly like this... A bolt of pain like lightning shot through her leg and she realized she must of twisted her ankle. She looked behind her frantically, expecting the creature to burst out of the ferns and draping vines; but the forest was silent and in the distance she heard an owl calling. But otherwise, well done ^_^
Chapter 4. Aaron's Perspective.. Aaron opened his eyes and locked a gaze at his same gray ceiling and sat up scratching his ruffled hair. He squinted his eyes at the bright gleam from the glass pane of the window. he got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. After taking a quick shower he looked in the mirror and saw the same image of his body. He looked at his broad shoulders down his skinny tan body. At his dresser he pulled on a darker black t shirt and gray jeans and he opened his closet door and picked out his favorite black and white converse and put those on. He grabbed his book bag and walked downstairs, stumbled over the rug and quickly ran out the door to arrive at the sturdy black metal gates that guarded his fancy brick mansion. Aaron slipped through the open between them and closed the gates and walked to school. He calmly breathed in and opened the doors of the school and went to his first homeroom. He put his bag in his locker and got his books quickly and walked into his homeroom of Mrs. Crystallas classroom and sat in his usual assigned seat and waited for the teacher. Glancing at the door, a familiarly beautiful girl walked in and standing in the light he began to stare as she walked over to his table and sat down beside Aaron. He saw her glance at him and she said quietly, "Oh hey its you from yesterday. For a moment they looked into each others eyes and he replied with a smile, "Yeah your Ashlyn right?" Ashlyn nodded and smiled at him.
Chapter 5 Ashlyn's Part She fought the urge to fall asleep during biology. The dream about running through the forest still left her wondering what it meant. In her thoughts she had a sixth sense: Dreaming. Most times when she had a dream about something realistic it happens in her life almost the same way it occurred in the dream... When she was 12 she had a dream of being attacked of a group of lions thinking she was prey. A week later a group of stray alleycats that had sandy orange pelts and slightly thick fur around their necks. She thought about Aaron for a sharp second, his spiky black hair and piercing green eyes... there was something abnormal about those eyes of his yet he was an interesting boy in her mind. Ashlyn looked at the clock and counted the seconds till the last bell rang. After school Ashlyn waited outside school for her mother to drive her home. "Hey Ashlyn!" a familiar voice behind her made her jump and she spun around startled to see Aaron standing just behind her. She replied simply, "You startled me for a moment." Ashlyn smiled nervously and stared at his handsome face. "I...I just wanted to say hey before i left." He sounded as nervous as her, and she began to wonder what made him so nervous....
Chapter 6 Ashlyn Part The next day Ashlyn was fidgeting with her locker, trying to get it open, for it was stuck and wouldn't budge. She jiggled with it becoming frustrated and let go. She heard footsteps and a soft voice., "Do you need some help?" A new boy had walked up to her. She looked at him and saw he was gorgeous. He had shoulder length blonde hair and blue eyes the color of a turquoise river, she noticed he was quite tall and had a green shirt on with blue jeans. Ashlyn blushed and he smiled at her noticing her pink cheeks. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. Im Thomas." He spoke quite formally. Ashlyn found her tongue and replied as calm as she could. "Im Ashlyn and you didn't startle me, you just surprised me. And yes i could use some help." She sounded as if she was annoyed. Thomas reached a hand out and pulled open her locker as if it was the easiest thing to do. She wondered how he could have opened it with no problem. She smiled and thanked him nicely and he said quickly looking at the wall clock, "I should go my class is about to start. It was nice meeting you! He called turning and rushing down the hall. Ashlyn looked at him until he stopped and entered a room. She got her things and met Aaron outside the homeroom door. She smiled and greeted him. "Hey sorry am i late?" Aaron didn't look at her and she wondered what was wrong. She thought for a moment, ' i hope he's not si-' Her thought was interrupted quickly when he asked her "Who was that you were talking to?" He had an agitated tone and for a heartbeat she got confused on who he was talking about. Remembering quickly she replied "His name is Thomas i think he's new to the school." Aaron said no more and turned to walk inside. Ashlyn began to think he was jealous...
Use paragraphs. Big, blocky texts are not appealing to readers. Try showing instead of telling. It'll lengthen your chapters and help the reader get a better feel for the world. Physical description of characters to the point of their exact height isn't really needed. Most authors get away with a one sentence description. Slipping in details here and there helps too. Dialogue needs to be split up. It's separate from the rest of everything. Every time a different person talks it should be a new paragraph. Example: Dianna drags her feet along the ground, hunched over in the swing. "I don't want to go back there," she mumbles. "We don't have much of a choice," Derek says, pushing her swing gently. And so on and so forth. But when it becomes an entire conversation with characters whose voices' are distinguished, you don't have to use tag lines. Example: "I hate it when you do that!" "Do what?" "She hates it when you be actin' like that" "No, I hate it when he's going on and on about stupid shit he claims he didn't do and then the cops show up." "Now, babe-" "Don't you babe me, Mister." As far as content, I don't really like romances so I won't say much as far as that. However, the same with any other genre, don't be too cliché and don't force things to seem original and quirky. Find the balance.
I want to read more,dear.Where is the continuos .Uhm.Wall me,please when you are done with it. Waiting with patiently,Anna