Preface: We never truly grow up, there's a child inside our hearts. It's just a matter of letting it out. Chapter one: Memories "We're almost there," I half murmured to her, though there was no need for me to even strike up conversation. Light snoring was in my company, and by the way she snored I could tell she had let sleep take over her about half an hour ago. It was fairly early for someone like her to even be awake at the hour 11am, because she works third shift at the plant. Her dark blonde hair and lightly sun kissed skin glowing in the suns rays, strands of her hair dancing around from the wind of a half cracked window. She lay there unaware of where she was, as cars zoomed pass on the freeway gusts of wind flew in the car creating a nice breeze. Whiffs of her scent; sweet and fruity fill my nose with a pleasure that reminds me of cotton candy. Though I can't tell you what exactly she smelled like, a fresh bag of open Skittles? That was close enough. I glanced down at her knee, a band-aid stuck upon her left one. I could see it through the distressed hole in her jeans, wonder what she did this time. She seems so full of life that she forgets to actually watch out for hers. We had been friends since we were babies, growing up and attending all the same schools. Her name, her name is Aubree and she's someone fairly important to me. I've always sort of had a thing for her but always seen her as my best friend so I kept those thoughts locked up. "Where are we at, Ryan?" She questioned groggily as I pulled into a rest area. She rubbed her eyes, letting them adjust to the light of day. Raising her seat back up she looked around at her surroundings, figuring it out before I could tell her. "We're not that far, just one hour and forty-five minutes. Right on time," I smiled as I parked the car. She pulled down the visor of her side and opened up the little door to check out her reflection in the small vanity mirror. "You know you look fine, right?" I paused, "you want anything to drink or a snack?" I rattled around my jeans pockets to find some change. "Well, I drool and I can't help it. Yes, a water would be nice." She replied in a sassy yet sarcastic way as she got out to stretch her legs. "Maybe if you wouldn't snore, then you wouldn't drool." I joked back at her, hoping she wouldn't turn into a sassy black woman. I don't know what it is that makes women sassy, but bring up that they snore and Olivia soon becomes Ta'niqua. She tilted her head to the side, making a face in disgust. Her mint colored tank top flowing behind her in the wind made her look even more evil. I don't know what it is about her, I can't put a word or even a finger on it but I was attracted to her. Telling friends was easy to do, it came natural to me, telling her would be like running your finger in frosting off a birthday cake only to have to your mom yell across the living room.
Aubree was different, well is different than other girls. She says what's on her mind, no matter how rude she can come off. Her mouth has no filter, if you can't handle truth, well, you couldn't even meet her. I hate to admit it but she's always been right about some of my relationships. Yeah, of course it got aggravating to really like someone, ask them out and date only to have my hope shot down. "She's cheating on you, Ryan." Even though I was blinded from love, she helped me ease the blindfold off. I saw my girlfriends in a new light when I asked for her advice. Of course, there was times she was wrong and she admitted to it when she knew she was, she wasn't intentionally trying to keep me heartbroken. She wanted to see me truly happy with someone, even if it meant going all lengths to prove it. "One water for the lady," I smiled handing her the bottle of Aquafina. She smiled back as she took it, wiping the condensation away with her jacket sleeve. "Thank you, kind sir," she giggled back in a poor fake British accent. Maybe that's why I liked her, I brought out a different side of her when I was around. I was determined to find out what it was that made me tempt to open those thoughts back up and let them flood my brain. She slid her seat back just a tad and rested her bare feet on the dash of my Toyota Corolla. She opened the sunroof, turned up the radio and rolled her window down all the way, sticking her arm out. Her oversized sunglasses blocking my view of her light green eyes, it was something about this moment that I wanted to last a little longer. Wanting her free hand to tangle between mine, I longed for that happen. I jumped when I felt her hand caress my leg as she reached for her water. Maybe she's not into me the way I am her, maybe she just sees me strictly as a best friend. Whichever she wanted I would be determined, I'll be her best friend, or boyfriend or whatever she needs from me. as long as she's happy, right?
It's new to me that I'm having to get used to Aubree. Yeah, she came off as a bitch, but around me she acted different. She's friendly, sweet, hilarious and outgoing. Even though I brought her around my friends and they never saw what I see in her. "Ryan, I can't believe we're actually doing this. It's been so long since I was there." She spoke with a smile but I could hear the weak and pain behind the smile. Like it hurt her to believe I was bringing her to the house she grew up in. Her mother is married but Aubree's biological father was never around while she grew up. So, her mother raised her until she was seven and eventually had to place her up for adoption. Her family loved her, she had everything she needed but her mom struggled to get the things she needed the day she needed them. Now she's living with a better family but her mom has been on her mind and I knew she needed closure with her. I was planning to keep this a secret, give her hopefully a nice surprise. One thing about Aubree is, if she's getting in a car with anyone, you may as well tell her a month in advance. I could only figure this because, maybe as she was growing up she was afraid of being took to a new home. While I struggled to a conclusion on why Aubree is Aubree, she had dozed off again. The faint yet distinct tone of her breathing had changed and I guess that's something I picked up on. Aubree, to everyone but me conveyed her emotions differently. Around me, when she's angry, she's angry. Around others, her anger usually is sadness and that too is something I picked up on. Why is Aubree so difficult to understand? It's like she's two different people in one body. That's why I couldn't understand her, though I have for years. I'll admit I had been caught up, wrapped around Aubree the past couple months. Protecting her, comforting her while she writhe in pain over heartbreak. How can someone so intelligent to my relationships be so clueless to hers? Guys using her, wanting only her body and not her heart, her soul. Guys giving her the break-up text and not caring a bit at how it left her. Sitting with her in bed as she ate continuously, watching whatever sappy show or movie she could. I've watched The Notebook so much I know the script word for word. Her deep emotional crying spells that happened at random intervals, they were not worth it and though I tried, she seemed to not comprehend. It hurt me to be with her, knowing that at some point I would come back to her to ask the same robotic question, "what's wrong with her?" It was standard. I love her and couldn't express it, I wanted to fall in love and stay in love with the same damn person! My problem was finding a girl who thought and felt the same. What's the point? I was stuck in a hot mess of love. I dug myself so far deep into this, I could get out.
Despite her usual, normal temperament, when it came to dating, Aubree was a lover, not a fighter. Though her actions and emotions were catastrophically melodramatic, at least on her part, I hated to see her heartbroken. She always questioned me, wondering if she's one of those genetic 'dead ends.' It was exactly a conversation I wanted with any female, let alone her. I don't know how the female body works like that, but I would assume from movies and TV shows it took a lot of work. I knew from TV a woman needed her body temperature just right and she needed to be on her O word, I couldn't even pronounce it. She's only twenty-two and thinking to herself about babies. Of course, any woman her age is already wanting marriage, women think they're going to die alone if they aren't engaged by twenty-one. A lot of men would be kicking theirselves in the ass to the nearest Kay jewelers to drop six grand on a piece of metal if women weren't so confusing. "I like rose gold with pink diamonds," why can't a woman know what she wants ahead of time? They think about their wedding like it's permanently imprinted into her brain from birth. Yet, she can't tell you about the ring she's desired about from age eleven. Yes, I sound confusing. I hate to see her heartbroken, same for her. Yet, at points I couldn't stand her, it's an even divide of love and hate. She does too much to see me happy, and not enough when I need cheering up. Why did I hate her so much but love her so unconditionally? I couldn't wrap my head anything about Aubree. Nothing made sense to me, nothing surprised me anymore, I had no thrill in life.
I wanted so bad to just drop my world for her. Leave everything behind and to move on with this girl I made my first priority. I wanted to throw all risks aside and scream to Aubree that I loved her. Even though I dropped hint after hint to her revealing my feelings she never picked up on them. It was like she would throw me away when she met a boy then crawl back to me to lift her up. Why couldn't she just either leave me alone or be with me? I wasn't the best looking guy out there, I'm no Calvin Klein model to be exact. She seems so happy when I see her, I'm no one special to her but she's special to me. It drives me crazy that I'm afraid to open my mouth to her about how I felt, but at the same time this a woman who says exactly what's on her mind. By now she had drifted into a deep sleep with only fifteen minutes left to arrive according to the TomTom or DumDum I should say.
Chapter 2: Aubree Even though I had fallen fast asleep I was dreaming about Ryan, again. It felt awkward to dream about your best friend in the ways I was. One dream about us in a hotel room shaking up, I threw up a little in my mouth when I had woke. I shouldn't consider Ryan my best friend, I was in and out of his life a lot. I said goodbye to him so much that I actually wondered if I said goodbye once more it would be final. I hated the thought of him being permanently out of my life, despite how I treat him, I didn't want that in the least bit. I heard stories, a lot of them that you shouldn't date your best friend, and I heard stories of best friends being married for fourteen years. I wasn't sure which to believe, though I thought I should take the chance, every guy in my life always walked out, giving up on me. Giving up when things got strained, difficult, it wasn't fair for them to do me that way, I guess I allowed it. I always seemed to be the reason for the break, "you're too needy," "you're too demanding, too bossy." How can I change something I couldn't control? I wasn't aware of me being bossy or even needy. At least Ryan understood me, to him I was the complete opposite of needy and demanding. I'm grateful for him to be in my life, he gave off a calming aura around me. Maybe he knew how to control his emotions around me to keep me calm. Whatever, it worked. Was it right to date someone who knew you so entirely well, from your favorite color to sports team? Who knew your move before you did it? Who knew every single thing about you? Maybe. Maybe I'm losing my mind, maybe not but I still wonder. Maybe I'm just crazy. Part of me wanted to play hard to get and part of me wanted to just be his best friend. I loved him but I wasn't sure I loved him enough to level up the relationship. That's one thing love never is; unsure. I looked over at Ryan with a hopeful smile, only his right side of his lip stretched to make a half smile. I could tell he seen fear radiate through my eyes because he rubbed my knee sympathetically. "It'll be okay, Aub. At any time you wanna leave we will, I won't let you get hurt." He spoke so calm and peaceful I couldn't help but feel the same, completely relaxed.
You're very welcome, Berry! This story came to me in my sleep and I've been pretty determined to finish it. What would you want to see happen in this story? I know Aubree and Ryan are the main characters for now and I plan to bring in more. Would you want to see a ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend come into this story? I'd love your feedback to this story.
As the car slowed down inch by inch, my anxiety pick up faster and faster. The last time I seen my mom I was only seven, it's been fifteen years, what would she think of me? Had I grown up how she pictured? Did I live a more perfect life than she had imagined in her head when I was only a fetus? Would she still love me? I had so many questions I wanted answers to, though rude to ask, I needed to know. Ryan smiled his hopeful smile at me as our seat belts automatically went back into position after we de attached them. "You can do this," he spoke calm and confident. I sighed, opening the door, the warm breeze graced half my body that was exposed. I got out of the car and met Ryan at the sidewalk waiting for me to catch up. The six concrete steps lead up to the house standing before me. A quaint two story home made of brick, an embankment with only a small yard. It seemed to look nice from outside, nothing here seemed to hurt the eyes to look at. We walked up the steps, eyeing each one, closer and closer. My anxiety made me ring the doorbell twice, great I thought, annoy my mother before I even meet her. "Can I help you two?" She spoke sweetly at us. She looked well dressed in just a plain shirt and jeans. As for age, she could easily pass for early thirties, her hair dirty blonde, looked shiny in the suns rays. I wanted to reach out and hug her tightly. I never missed her more than I do now. "My name is Aubree, you're my mom, you put me up for adoption when I was seven." I happily beamed at her, tears swelling my eyes, my insides trembling with nervousness. "Aubree! Is that really you? Baby, come in!" She opened the door wider, looking past her, I saw a living room and the hallway leading to it. Ryan and I stepped inside following her to another room, a sunroom I would've guessed. We each sat in our own chairs, mom and Ryan sitting next to me, putting me in the middle. "I've never dreamed in a million years I would see you again. Aubree, you were a true blessing to me. I hated for what I had to do to you but even though I tried, I just couldn't afford it at the time. Family helped as much as they could but it never seemed to be enough. I think about you everyday, I wonder how you are, what you're doing. I knew if your dad ever stuck around we could've afforded your diapers and clothes but he never cared. I knew that if he did stick around he would be thrilled to see you here today. How old are you now?" "I'm twenty-two now, fifteen years has really flown by. I'm working third shift at our local plant filling IV bags, making twenty a hour. I've missed you so much, mom, I thought that you giving me up, you had given up on me, you quit loving me, like I did something wrong. But, I understand it, you don't have to apologize, a baby is expensive, there's no way around it. I love you no matter what and because you're my mom, my only mom. I want to see you more often." My voice weak and cracked, the tears about to fall any minute, Ryan smiling at me made me happy. "Baby, I wouldn't give up on you. If I could have afforded your clothes, your shoes, baby wipes and diapers I could've kept you. I was working but it was never enough, after bills I had to sacrifice between two things you needed most, clothes or diapers. Despite my poor income, I always kept you fed, I never let you go hungry. I loved you and still do, I would love to see you more as well." I smiled wide at her, getting up to give her hug. She whispered, "I'm so proud of you, Ree-Ree." Those five words and her nickname for me at the end brought me to tears. It flooded my vision and stained her shirt, I buried my head into her shoulder and let it out while she rub my back gently. "You never introduced me to this handsome, young fella you brought with you." She chuckled, figuring it was my boyfriend. I took a few steps back, wiping my eyes across my arm. "This is Ryan, my best friend. We grew up together. Ryan this is my mom." My voice cracked again, Ryan waved and smiled friendly at her. "Nice to meet you, Ryan. Glad to see Aubree has someone to set her straight." She chuckled again.
Before I read on, definitely an ex. Whether an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Probably someone that turns out to be an important character. Seriously, thank you for telling us about this. I'd have forgotten by now. ? Okay, onto reading.
"You could say I keep her on her toes. I look over her a lot, I keep her from having trouble and try to stop it if it ever comes her way." Ryan was smooth when he spoke it was like a perfect lie, though it was true. Ryan watched over me, he's really the only person I can trust anymore. He's spent countless hours awake at my house to make sure no one unknown came in when I got scared of being alone. His Redbull and ESPN filled nights fueled his ability to stay awake through it all, never laying down beside me or putting his hand on me in any inappropriate manner. The countless times he's heard me crying myself to sleep pained him the next morning. My bloodshot eyes was the proof and reason for the argument that soon followed. "Why do you let yourself cry over these men that don't even deserve to know your name, Aubree?! Look at you, you could do so much better than someone with a record of revoked license, no insurance and driving with a suspended license! Do you just not care, I mean, I understand wanting someone to love you, I want that too, but someone worth it. You amaze me, Aubree, you're too busy with the troubled guys to really pay attention at who loves you." That was the last time I said goodbye to him. He hurt my feelings worse than they already were, like pouring lemon juice on fresh wounds. I knew he was right after that, so a day later we were friends again, I felt guilty for weeks. Was I really that wrong at love? According to Ryan I needed Cupid on my shoulder 24/7. After spending a couple more hours with my mom discussing everything from my high school graduation up until now to get her up to speed we decided to head out. Ryan was hungry and I already told him I would foot the bill on whatever he wanted, as long as he could find us a decent hotel room, I was not riding in a car for another five hours. I even told him he could have ice cream or whatever he wanted if he found King sized beds and a hot tub. My muscles were getting royal treatment after working two straight weeks on all twelve hour shifts and I saw to it that Ryan catered to my body's needs with the hotel room. I hugged my mom goodbye and promised her a phone call once I got back home. "She's a sweet lady, too bad her genes weren't passed down," Ryan joked at me, I lightly pushed his arm just enough to make him lose balance. Our friendship came easy, second nature to breathing almost. Why couldn't I find a bad boy like him? I mean, throw Ryan in a studded leather jacket and spike his hair and I would be in love. Why did bad boys have to bad personalities? Was the type I'm interested in a rare occurrence to find? I had to hand it to Ryan, always being there when I was heartbroken to get me back on my feet. He put aside his emotion struggle of seeing me like that to help me, because I needed someone and he is all have - and probably ever will. My heart knew what it wanted but it left the rest of me confused. Part of me wanted Ryan to throw everything down and give me the most meaningful kiss in existence, the other half? Wanting to string him along simply for the pleasure of not ruining our friendship. By now we were already back on the road with the hotels address pinned into the GPS. Silence filled the car for awhile, I just had nothing to say, but I had a lot on my mind. I studied to myself the several possible outcomes to everything coming into my mind, most was of very little importance. "What's wrong, Aubree?" Ryan muttered busy looking at road names. "Nothing" I sighed, staring at the blur from outside, I had to look away. A feeling in my stomach told me that if I kept looking, my stomach would create its own blur out of my mouth. "Pull over now!" I quickly muttered with my hand clasped over my mouth. Before Ryan could even stop I was out of the car in the fresh mowed grass next to an exit for gas stations. Shielding Ryan from what I didn't want him to see, I tried to bend over when it poured from my mouth. Trying to recover I wiped the edges of my mouth with my finger as I got back to the car, tears in my eyes but I could tell they wouldn't fall. My throat felt on fire but as soon as it ended I felt ten times better than I did before, "are you okay?" Ryan looked more concerned than worried. I was never one to get motion sickness, I could handle boats, cars, planes it didn't bother me until I guess now. What's wrong with me? I couldn't help but let it flood my mind.