I felt my cell vibrate and looked at it. I opened a txt and discovered it was from Damien. 'I want you babe >:] Come on over' it read. I stared at the phone, then put it in my pocket and slipped in my leather boots. I walked to his house and knoked on the door. "Damien?" I called out. I twisted the knob and found that it was unlocked. I pushed it open and saw Damien. Lying in the floor in a pool of blood. I gasped. I scanned the room with my eyes. I saw the red light beeping on the telephone, showing it had a voicemail. Carefully looking Past Damiens body, I saw his cell phone smashed on the ground. I pressed the 'Listen' button on the home phone and beard "You killed Brandon. He was mine. Payback's a bytch. Kiss yourself goodbye next."
:O Ao selfish! What so just cuz I kill u off means you have to diss my story! Ugh dine low you too!! Blleggh!
I'm kiddin... But I'll give you some pointers... You never wanna kill off a character right away... Never... And you always wanna put a twist in it... Im disappointed you killed a main (or even supporting) character off soo fast,.. You wann wait... Or kill em off and bring em back later on you know like someone that was brought back to life by a special scientific machine (nudge nudge) but it's a good fan fiction.... But I can tell that you're new to it
>:| Ok Ty but I've only got one more update. Gtfo my forum post. U dying is a main part. Yah ok I can take constructive critism, but that was just effin rude. "I can tell ur new to this" No honey, I'm not. Don't post on here again.
Wait that's it... I critiqued a short story... I thought you were gonna do a huge story... Oh Jesus! My bad I shouldnt have said anything
I was shaken awake. There standing above me was Natalie. "You killed him. It was ur fault! He was mine! You just don't know how to keep your hands off of what you can't have. Well this'll teach you." She whispered menancingly. She removed a gun from the black goodie she was wearing. She pointed at me and whispered one last word to me. "Bytch." she took a breath, an pulled the trigger.
Dudeeeee!!! Damien was cool and I loved him already, but his death is a big part of the story!! That's notttt cooliooo!!! Gtfo this forum!