Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences. The first man said, “My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins.” “That’s funny,” the second man remarked, “My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets.” The third man shouted, “Oh my, I have to rush home!” When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, “When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!”
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin. What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times? "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... Oh my, I miss him! "But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
Teacher: John, why did you bring your cat to school today? John (crying): I heard the mailman tell mom "When the kid goes to school, I'm gonna eat your pussy!"
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!) 1. DILIP VENGSARKAR When you rearrange the letters: A SPARKLING DRIVE 2. PRINCESS DIANA When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN 3. MONICA LEWINSKY When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN 4. DORMITORY When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM 5. ASTRONOMER When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER 6. DESPERATION When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT 7. THE EYES When you rearrange THEY SEE 8. A DECIMAL POINT When you rearrange the letters: I M A DOT IN PLACE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE 9. MOTHER-IN-LAW When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
To the People who hate me: Dear Haters.. I couldn’t help but notice that, AWESOME ends with “ME” & UGLY starts with “U” !